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Grading Session for Week 200

Apeiron

Apeiron

That One Guy
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Dahlitium (⏆50 per)
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Bigatium (⏆100 per)
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Auritium (⏆300 per)
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Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
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Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
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AH > 4th/7th > 8th/13th > 3rd > 1st/10th > Orph > 11th > Cerb/Q > 9th > 12th > AH

1st/10th = Will
3rd = Van
4th/7th = Dips
8th/13th = Sene
9th = Rob
11th = Beaks
12th = Drag
AH = Tom
Cerb/Q = Moon
Orph = Zen​

Get grades in by Tuesday 11:59 PM EST​

 
Only one thing this week...

[Wack]

Tick, Tick, BOOM! - A shame you disappeared part way but you kept up fine until then [81/82]​

Links for Cad/Drag: Tick, Tick, BOOM!, T Isn't For Explosion

That's all from me folks, holler if I missed anything. Tom out.
 
Shun: Guilty! (I just know it)

Well I really liked this collab, it was different than any I had read before but then I must admit it's entirely possible that we have tons of interrogation room/investigation collabs that I never see. The characters worked well together and after a slightly rocky beginning it had a nice pace with the two of you playing well off of your interrogator. It certainly makes me curious to find out what happens.

[51/51] and since you're my only writer dis week take all the div bonus.

Moon: Ashes

The hunt was fun and engaging, didn't notice any spelling mistakes or errors that jumped out and punched me in the eye.
[52/52]

Link for my grader!
 
Pho

Live By the sword (148/148):

Training is training. I have no issues with your writing this week. Will get you a turn tomorrow afternoon in our collab.

You may have 50 of the D Bonar

Katie

Live by the sword (148/148):

Congo rats on yer first division tech. Hopefully I will get around to getting you a turn this week, been so busy last week. I will need to get a turn to PM thread ASAP, most likely in the afternoon when I get home from work. Then I will have a turn for you as well.

So British (254/254):

Interesting... it appears that Adelaide does not know whether or not she trusts her own captain...

You may take 50 of the D Bonar

Geno

So British (254/254):

I am sure you are happy that I sent someone to the 13th to keep you occupied with PM stuff. I am sure after this Adelaide and Raury will more than likely be the best of frands :3. Next time I would appreciate a word count >:/

Despite the no word count you may take the remaining 50 of the d bonar

Van

Ally of Heaven (71/71):

Interesting ending. The ability used in the end almost seems familiar... I want to say Hisao, but I think that's more of a similarity than what I am thinking. OH um, gawd, what's his face with the long white hair in bleach, I have not seen it for some time now I feel like a newb. Ukitake, isit? I think that's it.

REMEMBER TO LINK ME YOUR WRITINGS UNTIL PM's ARE DONE.
 
Tits

Batman (50/51):
I had to double check with the men upstairs but, unless I missed something, this isn’t PM material so I had to grade it as regular collaboration. Initially, it seems a few sentences could be broken up as they teeter on the edge of being run-on but nothing that seriously detracted from the reading. There are just a couple of spelling and punctuation errors but like you said, it was rushed and unfinished. Story-wise, there is something about the way you write Soseki – it’s different from the first stories I’ve read of his; his struggle with existence really bleeds through because you are writing him so well. I wish this didn’t have to be cut short.

Overdose (80/81):
Minor punctuation errors via iphone give me a good reason to deduct and give you an even grade . Tsuneo and Seiko pretty much controlled that convo – nicely done to keep the interrogation to a minimum and get back to business.

20 Division Bonus added to your weekly grade (130) gives you 150 for the week!

Tod

Ashes (65/66):
Really, a great job with the lady hollow cat. She had quite a fiery personality, eh? Well, bad jokes aside, you have a good writing style but I would think about having another look at punctuation. Technically, none of the sentence structure is incorrect but I think you could rework it to accent the flow of your hollow’s activity and feelings. Doing that alone can really bring your writing to life even more than you already do. Like I said for your last collab that I graded, you have a talent for clean and clear storytelling.

Guilt (140/141):

Take 20 div bonus and claim the kan reward for your hollow. Make sure to update it in your stats this week.

Mitsu

Guilt (186/192):

Although you still have room for improvement in regards to your English/grammar and punctuation, this was a lot easier to read through than the last story I read – I don’t think your story was interrupted by mistakes at all, in fact. You did a really good job strategically shifting Mistu’s intentions into action and even though his thoughts contradicted with yaname and tod a few times, it all worked together really well. Very cool having him step up to take a bullet, too…I think that could play out well later in PMs.

Take 20 division bonus for your ever improving writing!

Drag

Prodigal son (142/143):

There were only a couple punctuation errors (that weren’t my fault, as I was the one that posted the collab…so if you see some missing italics, etc, MY BAD) and one spelling error. Great job as usual with your writing and I hope you find a way for Eiji to get his memory back. We’re going to need it!

20 div bonar for you my friend.

Tom

Tick, Tick (274/275):

I’m ashamed to say this is my first Ewan reading <slaps hand> I know, I know. I’ve clearly been missing out! You have an awesome ability for creating a story that can practically be seen playing out like a TV show in action. Aside from a few punctuation errors, this was an excellent read sir.

SPLOSION (151/151):

Ahhh! I’ve only read two AH chaps that are part of PMs and my head is already spinning! To top it off, Ewan has to go BACK to the school and there’s only a couple hours left? Damn. I wish I could elaborate and give you more than ‘Great read’…so I’ll say, ‘awesome writing’ instead! I’ll make sure to read more, whether grading or not.

You sir, deserve this lovely 20 division bonus here. Take her and enjoy her, just make sure to have her back by midnight. Ah hell…1 am, what the heck.


For Rawbasaurus:
http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/50884-4th-12th-Week-200-Hands-Up!
(Neko and I are splitting the cost for the clab bonus)

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/50867-PM-9th-12th-12th-Week-200-Prodigal-Son-Once-Removed

http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/50828-C-12th-Week-200-Welcome-Home
 
[Twingle]

Boobs and nekid scientists, nice - [100/102]

- This was a nice, fun and interesting read… not to mention hilarious. I approve.
- Look out for things like not writing out numbers. You always write out numbers unless it’s like ‘Chimera Omega – 001”, but I’d probably still write that as “Chimera Omega – double-o one” or something. Save fort that, you should really write out things like room 4 as room number four or room four.
- Overall I enjoyed this personal chapter and I’ll try to get you that turn for our collaboration follow-up soon enough.
- One more thing though: watch out with proofreading because they will also correct things like “Oh hi!” the girl said, into “Oh hi!” The girl said.

[Shadypoo]

Reunion - [53/56]

- Typos, dialogue endings and forgetting your commas. That’s basically it, and what you need to work on some more. Everything else was fine, though.
- Jianyu said his eyes suddenly breaking contact. You forgot a comma between said and his, because now it’s like his eyes said it.
- Also... reunions are never a good thing in our RP-land are they? Plus family matters? Pfft, always with the family matters. Good job, though, I’m intrigued about what happens next.

Twings take 75 of the bonus and shade take 50.

[Cad]

This is a stick-up! - [100/103]

- Standard training sessions are pretty standard. I'm not a huge fan of them, but you did well considering.
-Like I said in aim, typos. Bro. Proofread. I'ma go and dub this the effect of the wtfisthisidonteven.

Tadaima! - [47/48]

-I like how you used a colour close to my division's colour and courier new font.
-This started out as a pretty standard hollow hunting, but the ending got me intrigued... somewhat. I dunno, it sounds odd... but I'm not really that into the whole hollow hunting thing, even though that's mainly the whole point about Bleach, haha. But, what with them bounties... it seems kinda overdone.
-Anyway, interesting read and not much to bash you about writing wise.

Incestues Nobles

-I'ma be a bitch here and say, "My grade is your grade."
Karl, I'ma get you my links later.
 
Al: With long pieces of writing it gets to be harder to watch for small errors, however in just the first grouping of paragraphs I noticed these.

Original: I loved her as much feared and hated her and one day she came to me

Suggested: I loved her as much as I feared and hated he,r and one day she came to me

Original: then I could knew what it was she wanted

Suggested: then I could know what it was she wanted

Orignial: Her families hut

Suggested: Her family’s hut.

There were other instances but these three above seemed to cover the most common types of errors I came across. Either it was missing words, the incorrect variation was used, or some were misspelled. One thing I would suggest would be to write the chapter one day, then read it the next day before posting. This is on the basis that you’ll have fresh eyes and not rely on spell checker so much. It doesn’t pick up every error there is.

As for the 9k chapter, it was really good and I felt I was reading a lead up piece to some Plot Mission Baddie. Very well laid out and built up. I did feel like there was a point in time that you were retelling a bleach episode or two, but over all well done.

Grade: [ 445 /458]

Orpheus: LINKS!!!!!

Thana: not much to comment on, both get pm bonus

Grade: [150/75]T is for... [200/104]tick tick

Will: http://www.bleachforums.com/showthread.php/50893-O-Week-200-Intellectual-Thievery
(cause i would evil if i dumped that on sev)
 
Kuuuuuuuuuurrrrraaaaaa~!

I’m charging into week 2-oh-1 with the fury of a drunken college student! I got my list of things to read from y’all so just make sure nothing skipped my grading eye. Hare’s still in the process of getting the beat down sent his way IG, but it’s okay. A few more near-death experiences and he’ll hit SSJ3 and ttly go ape-shit on everyone.

Now then, on to grades and witty Nostalgia Critic humor.

1st Division

Lin and Finny I saw nothing completed by you two. IF I’m wrong, I need a link.

Nella
Oddities 48/50
Tick, Tick 307/308

Okay, so, looks like you wrote the most for the 1st this week Nell, and most of it was from klabs.

Your klab with Vent started off a little rocky and then settled down, only to get rocky again. There was a decent amount of interaction between the two characters that I saw, and even an opening for future klabs.

Of course the two characters were about as friendly as a bag of wet cats who’ve been starved, and seemed to jump back and forth between their emotions rather quickly, but it wasn’t horrible. I wasn’t entirely thrilled with how jarring the reading was at times, but it was about the only thing I really found to my dislike.


10th Division

Lil, Grif, Bob unless I’m blind you all were about as active as a sloth.

Vent
Oddities 48/50

This was all I saw from you. Please read what I have written down in Nel’s comment above. Thank you.


Guest Grade

Zen
Thievery 275/278

For something that I just jumped into it was a pleasant read. There were a few missing letters and commas, but nothing worth taking major points out for. I especially enjoyed the short fight scene.

The rest of your chapters were good as well. Small mistakes here or there, but besides that it wasn't that bad to read.

Since y’all were the three who wrote the most, y’all get to split the div bonus.

P.S. Said I’d get grades out before tomorrow. Just... not your tomorrow =D
 
3rd division "pain train" breakdown

Shingo: 187/187; +75 db

Hare: 307/307; + 75db

Since you both wrote in the same thread this week, I'll comment for the both of you. First, good work moving PM's along. Shingo, I checked your NPC versus the other threads he's appeared in and you have some consistency with him and I'm glad for it. I've said this before, but I'll say it again: your writing has improved greatly since you've joined. No botches in grammar or snytax for either of you.
 
[Trio]
[PM] Tick, Tick, BOOM: [58/60]
-Rad was there, raring to go. Then all of a sudden he wasn’t. Sadface.
-My only real complaint here were a couple sneaky typos.​


[Hiren]
Tutorial pt. II: [51/52]
-It’s kinda odd reading our resident Luna Lovegood in a not so loony light. I guess that speaks to the seriousness of Lucia’s quest.
-One thing I wondered about after reading the chapter: Why was the old timer in the house if the only the “riff raff” lived there?​

[Miho]
Hands Up!: [95/103]
Wake Up and Smell the Ashes: [78/84]
-There were common issues in both samples of writing. The main problems were your tenses and possession, indefinite article use as well, but to a lesser extent.
-As far as the tense issue, there were many instances similar to the following example (that I made up): Anya reaches across the counter and grab the rude cashier by the collar. Since we are generally writing from the third person point of view, it’s almost like a narrator is recounting a story for an audience. So outside of speech within your writing, you should largely be expressing things in the past tense and not in the present (the exception being the utilization of various literary techniques like Stream of Consciousness). As such the example sentence should be: Anya reached across the counter and grabbed the rude cashier by the collar.
-Then there is possession. Remember to express possession by adding an apostrophe plus ‘s’ (‘s) to the end of the subject owning the object/thought, i.e. Anya’s blade, the snake’s scales. The exception comes when the subject already ends in ‘s’, in such a case you simply add the apostrophe to the end, i.e. Sayis’ wizard hat.​

[Ish & Wolfie]
Can’t Touch This: [149/150]
-Well that was efficient, four techs in one collab.
-Leave it to a healer to point this out, but unless one of the techs taught involved increased healing abilities, Saiyuri shouldn’t have been able to heal herself the way she did. Flooding a wound with reiatsu is good for mending small cuts and abrasions but healing anything more serious than that is not an instantaneous thing. It would take much time and effort to heal those bloodstone injuries. After all, if it was that easy having actual healing ability would be nothing special at all.​


Everyone take 30 of the division bonus.
 
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