Grading Session for Week 203

[Several Zombies]

Group 1 -> Group 2 -> Group 3 -> Group 4 -> Group 5 -> Group 6 -> Group 1

Group 1: 1st Division
Group 2: 3rd / 7th / 10th / Quincies
Group 3: 8th Division
Group 4: 11th/4th Divisions
Group 5: 12th Division
Group 6: AHs​

Folks from AH who didn't get graded while we were sorting out who's job it was will get their grades this week.



Lambo:

Infiltration

Absalom! Yes! Good to see him making cameo appearances after all this time. Now if only we could get Maelle to show up, too...
Anyways, this was really well put together. It's been a long time since I've read any of your work so I have to say I'm sufficiently impressed (again). There were very few mistakes and it all flowed really nicely. The rapport between Darius and Absalom was good and kept the story moving at a nice pace, UNTIL THE CLIFFHANGER! D8< Can't wait to read the next part...


Darius confronts the guy that does the thing and has the girl

As if by magic! Same deal as above; it's all very well written and everything flows. You don't get bonus points for writing competently anymore! The introduction and subsequent cliffhanger in Infiltration kept me interested enough to want to read on through ALL EIGHT THOUSAND WORDS of this, and I have to say, I still want more. Darius is turning out to be an interesting character and I'm excited to see where these turn of events lead, SINCE YOU LEFT ME WITH ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER. Also, I really like the concept of his Awakening. No clip, activate!

Take 239 for Infilitration, 417 for Darius Confronts.. and 75 Bonus Points for your hard work.


Seika:

The Runaround

Poor Alistair just can't catch a break, can he? That said, I'm surprised at how well he's taking all of this madness. I expected him to be more concerned about the super-human, ghost-fighting, gun-toting lunatics who have arrested him. You played your part well throughout the collab, even if Masato had to get pushy a couple of times. Sorry about having to fast track us at the end there =(

You get 128 points for this, and 75 Bonus Points as a Christmas gift.



Moon:

A Faint Signal

It seems the stresses of his sudden leadership are getting to Zakki. Poor emo =(. This was well written, but I found it a little odd. I guess I'm just not used to seeing whole chapters without any sort of interpersonal dialogue. It seems Switch has had an influence on me D8<

50 points for the mwn!


Clone:

Return

Nero! When the hell did you get here?! Anyways, on to business. This was an interesting, albeit short introduction to Victor. It flowed nicely and there weren't any glaring mistakes, so that's good. As a side note, you don't have to list NPC participants in your personal work.

Take 50 points for this one.



Willis:

The Tyranny of One

And I thought Lambo wrote a lot. Kyu did alright here. I can't say I've read a lot of your stuff involving her, but this piece was a pretty good look into her character. Nice ending, too.


A Tribute

You played Barandilla well. This would have probably been an epic fight had it been, you know, real. Still, I felt like this dropped off rather arbruptly at the end. It would have been nicer to ease into the plot twist rather than just close the thread full stop.


When It's All Said and Done

Hare's taishuu? I guess you couldn't count his half of the Hare/Mango one. This was pretty good, but pretty short as well. I would have liked to see this fleshed out a bit more but I guess that's too much to ask after three months on the back burner.

You get 150 for Tyranny of One, 38 for A Tribute and 34 for When It's All Said and Done


Berri:

Marchescape

YAY MARCH! This was a fun collab to read. It's interesting to see exactly how March made it back to the world of the living. Also, having a cat named Schrödinger is worth a billion bonus points in my books. All and all it was a well written collab from both parties. Not much else to say.

172

 

[Code of the Noble]

8thers Kago's got your grades this week.

 

[bankzu]

12th division, I got you this week. Send me your stuff!

 

[Kago]

From what I can tell, only Katie had some writing finish this week for the 8th. If this assessment is wrong, please PM me with links.


Katie

Under a Satsuma Sun

Grade: 127 / 127
Comments: Excellent work as always. Just had one suggestion (not really an error):

She thought back to right after she became a shinigami, not long ago at all, and added, "I used to sit by where we first met and talk over the problems of the day with my sword, before I attained shikai and I ever could get an answer.

That part made me stop and reread 2-3 times before I understood the writing style. Technically, it works; I would just normally rewrite it as "and could ever get an answer." No points off for it since it's a stylistic choice.

Go ahead and take all 150 Group Bonus.


Albino

The Tyrany of One

Grade: 143 / 145
Comments: A few minor typos (examples below)

"Seriously? What is it was bad guys and their need to show off pointless moves?"

Just looks like you didn't proofread that sentence/post before you made it.


"Zak thought as he pulled himself forward. The blast exploded from her powerful hammer and Zak could hardly believe what he saw as the Espada simply stood there smiling"

If you make mention of your PC's name and don't include another person of the same gender before you reference him again, you don't need to use his name again; "he" would suffice.



What a Blind Girl Sees

Grade: 93 / 94
Comments: Decent pchap is decent. Nothing glaring that stood out to me.



My Grader

Here is a link to my only finished writing for week 203: [8th/12th] Week 203 : New ways... or not?

Note: This collab takes place right after Kago's transfer to 8th, before he has his memory back from the time he disappeared during Winter PMs.

 

[Eidolon]

Division bonus breakdown: Rob+80(favorite chap); Squid and Kag, +45 each, as you also did good work.

Rawb - 56/56; A quick read, but a good one. I'm glad you provided more insight into Nana's personality for the reader, and maintained the interesting family dynamic(pecking order) that was elaborated upon in the first chapter. Read clean and crisp, and didn't overextend the point. Also, having read this, I begin to see how Nana will fit in with the 3rd.

Note to Rawb: I'm a putz these last few days, I know, but the insanity ends tomorrow.

Squid-k-bob: - 69/69; Lawl @ grade. But seriously, a decent introductory chapter, and since old boy is growing into himself, as it were, an excellent frame of reference. There was some trope-e-ness in it, but that's not something easily avoided these days, especially since the r-tards out there think everything is a trope. I do hope you have some particularly horrible tales to tell as a Die Rasse character, though. Life for you, and your enemies, should be brutal.

Guest Grade: Kago

New ways - 62/62; Your writing I liked a lot, and how Kago handled the situation. Its a bit more direct then I'm used to seeing with him, and well, so long as it remains a part of his character, or is at least explored later, good on you. The collab has some formatting/writing issues, but they aren't yours. All in all, good work and I hope you're going to stick around and contribute to the RP as you can.

Berri - This is my link http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?35299-3rd-Week-203-Serendipity

 

[Albinocur]

Nargles:​

well I have no idea what's happening but it was a good read. You had one typo in your first sentence but its all good! [51/51]

DR. Drag​

You get a quickie, nice combat. Referred to Eiji as the 'scarred' something or rather a little often toward the middle which made it feel a little redundant. No actual errors that I caught though. Overall Good chap. [51/51]

Links for my writing is here and here. (I assume this last one is done though it hasn't officialy closed)

Get off swtor you nuts.

 

[Inks]

YAAAYY~

It's Inkie's Super Happy Fun-Fun Grading-A-GO-GO!
​

>8( fuck you guys
​

Nell


Under a Satsuma Sun


[120/127] + 150 (all the Div Bonus. ALL OF IT.)

Haha, cute collab. <3 Poor tired, sleepy Yuurei. But at least she got to chill with Addy and see the sunset. Too bad Brooke wasn't there. It could've been a threeso....

=T

Uh.

AAANYWAY.~


I only noticed a couple of little mess-ups in your turns; things like -

"It’s what I wasn’t able to do since I was busy and all, so it’s been a while since I last breathed in my problems to no one in particular...”

'breathed in' sounds a little awkward but I guess works? XD Something simpler like 'talked about' would probably work just as well there, or even taking out the 'in' and leaving it as '..last breathed my problems to'

And the other thing, 'to no one in particular' ought to be 'to anyone in particular', I think? Unless Yuurei's sad because she hasn't had time to talk to herself without everyone eavesdropping. =(

Also, I think you might've mentioned Yuu's 'auburn eyes' a few times too many in your turns – just because it started to stand out to me halfway through. Only mentioning the color when there's focus on her eyes or they look different from usual might be a good idea.

But! Other than a few of those really pesky mistakes that you never notice when you're reading through turns, everything read just fine. And the plot was super-cute. <3

Keep it up or else I will '>8(' at you.





Will


Marchescape


[171/176]

Gosh, what is with the length of this collab? >8( Who would write something like this?

I kid. <3

Good writing, as expected (no slacking, you). You got Gen's personality across right from the start – one that of course did not sync well with March's at all. Poor crotchety old man. Haha, I could almost FEEL his annoyance every time March/Shchrodi managed to make things more complicated than they needed to be...

...and of course March had to thank him in typical March-style. =(

I didn't notice any awkward phrasing or grammatical errors when I was re-reading through it, but I DID take a few points off for your silly lulzy coding (using <>s instead of []s a few times). Also because Gen threatened to cut March's hair.

But the coding is the main thing.

Really.

it is

 

[bankzu]

Todbro

Punching Out For a Break [96/99]
A few spelling errors here and there, nothing much. You add this in 201 week grade since it’s from that week. Also remember to proofread your work before posting it, more than once!

Mitsubro

New ways... or not? [55/62]
You still have a small problem with different tenses, going back and forth between them. This disrupts your writing a bit when reading it, since you have to stop for a few seconds to actually check what’s wrong and what’s not.
For example:

After he took a short timeout to think about the set up bounties,

Should actually be:

After taking a short timeout to think about the set up bounties,

Other than that, it’s not much of a problem. Remember to proofread like always, since it’s very important to check your work more than once to make sure that it’s correct.

[PM] What's Next (Regroup) [20/22]
Okay so you kinda went MIA here, but at least the writing was solid. I am removing a point for you disappearing though, since you kinda missed the whole collab and Tits even wanted me to jump in for you, to finish what you did. Punishment bro!

Sherrybro

Mira-ge [62/62]
Good stuff bro, as always. Your writing is really solid and I can’t see that you missed anything at all. Solid bro!

Goodbyes and Promises [56/56]
Keep up the good work bro. You’re doing an awesome job.


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75 points for Mitsubro and Sherrybro each. Nothing for Tod since you was two weeks late bro!

Also, for my grader: LINKU!