Grading Session for Week 68

[Redfin]

The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

[Ca] Castus - Inactive Members

Castus List

Bish
Bob
Bunz
Cheese
Dil
Freckles
Kaze
Lambo
Nella
Puppet
Sev
Tetsu
Thana
Zerieth

​

[Oc] Occultus - Finny

Moon
Shade
Sparx
Thread​

[Be] Bellator - Will

Berri
Dys
Rob
Shrub​

[Se] Serpens - Hiren

Doc
Loko
Minj​

[Aq] Aquila - Hare

Hare
Resh
Val
Vin​

The Rotation for the month of November 2015 is:

[Aq] -> [Be] -> [Oc] -> [Se] -> [Aq]​

Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:

[Ca] Week 01: Title Should Be Here​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 12/01/15.

 

[Redfin]

Moon + 100 bouns
Nosey: 118
Moon, you need to set up the information pane of your collab. I'm talking who's in it and what character they are playing and what color they are.

Laermont's entrance into the conversation, man, it reminds me so much of those awkward attempts at getting information. Followed by the 'Can you confirm this for me?' Man, it's like this is his first time trying to get in someplace cool. And I love the little staring turns where nothing happened. Awkward.

Well, Laermont got schooled. This was an amusing and entertaining collab.

 

[Apeiron]

Val
Shine 167/167
+25 faction

This was a nice fluffy collab to re-introduce two characters, and I look forward to Deni visiting Vitae more in the future -- even if it’s just a background piece.

I can’t really comment too heavily on this collab, as there was very little happening. But, what was happening was good for world-building purposes, and character interactions. Deni’s minor reflections on Pelgium, and his attributing unique drinks to it, were interesting. What more, his reaction to having Cicely make the drink twice was nice.

I’m giving you a part of the faction bonus this week because I think you’ve earned it. You’re continued writing of Deni to develop the events, places, and people around him is pretty rewarding just to read.

 

[swaswj]

Finny - 165/167 + 150 Faction

It's great to see more of Cicely really in her element. It's contradictory almost: there's simply lot a not you can do with different drink and greet collabs, but each one manages to strike the proper tone of relaxing and interesting. Each time I go into it expecting to be bored, and yet it never happens. Deni himself helps a lot in this regard, with the duality of his public face versus his inner thoughts. There were small errors and slip-ups, like 'week' rather than 'weak,' but nothing I'd attribute to more than typos. It's simple, it's fun, a good light-hearted complement to the eldritch horror Moon's spinning and the crime/love drama Dys is putting out.

One day Keydis will need to show up and give Cicely a headache.

+150 Faction

Just Shine in the Sun (3332) 165/167​

 

[swaswj]

Sorry Dys for missing this.

Also grabbing Hare.

Dys - 119/119 + 150 Faction

Well-played, I have to say. I'm normally one to pick up on that sort of thing, but instead had myself thinking, 'They're being way too loud and obvious.' Doesn't make great sense for people holding a secret but perfect sense for people baiting a sucker. Even as a reader, I was more willing to believe they were careless than expect they were calculating. The small interactions, like snatching the cup away, small disagreements with each other, and such, helped to sell their performance. Perhaps the best detail, though, was how the patrons moved away to let them escape, kind of solidifying not only that they do this frequently, but that the patrons act together as a group, and saw Laermont as not part of it.

Only part that threw me was when the haggling started, and then Laermont pulled a scene akin to Amy buying a car in Futurama. Started at 5, went down to 3.5, back up to 4. Instead of haggling down from 4, he went up to 4.25. That's not the sort of mistake you expect a professional to make.

+150 Faction

Nosey Parker pt II (2374) 119/119 ​

Hare - 186/186 + 150 Faction + 37 Grader = 373

Great introduction. Starting off in mostly uncharted territory is a great way to begin world-building. The fever, the apprenticeship, the mysterious cure, and Eidolon's fate are all topics that stir up interest. One minor detail that I appreciate is that in this mystery, it feels like the character is forthcoming with all of his information, but there's still a lot left to learn. That, to me, is a lot stronger than the narratives where it feels like the reader is being left out of the loop solely to foster a mystery that isn't a mystery.

Exactly how do you pronounce Ioannes, though?

+150 Faction

A Tale Begins (1855) 186/186​