Grading Session for Week 96

[Redfin]

New Grading rotation. Look at the direction of the arrows! Look at them!

[Be] <- [Oc] <- [Aq] <- [Be]​

The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

[Ca] Castus - Inactive Members

Castus List

Bish
Bunz
Cheese
Dil
Doc
Freckles
Griff
Hiren
Kaze
Lambo
Loko
Nella
Puppet
Resh
Sev
Shade
Shrub
Sparx
Switch
Tetsu
Zerieth

​

[Oc] Occultus - Finny

Bob
Iron_Void
Ketch
Moon
Regulus
Thread​

[Be] Bellator - Will

Berri
Dys
Kago
Minj
Rob​

[Aq] Aquila - Hare

Raph
Thana
Val
Vin​

The Rotation for the month of June 2016 is:

[Be] <- [Oc] <- [Aq] <- [Be]​

Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:

[Ca] Week 01: Title Should Be Here​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday.

 

[Redfin]

Ketch +84 ytjhh
Unown: 183
For ease of acquisition, all of your solo chapters should be in the same thread. Just add it as a response to the first thread. Of course, I also never look past the first post of a thread and will likely miss your following chapters.

That gun sounds far too modern. Even the names sound kind of unfitting for the world. They sound kinda like Mortal Kombat characters, actually. Man, if Tchyo's last name is something like Graves or Burns.

Terminus doesn't even have telephones. I don't think they would have a gun with a dot-sight or any sort of fancy taking apart. You can ask someone better versed in the world than me, though. That would be Will or Raph. I always thought of the world at a 1890's level of technology.

The chapter was good, though. It had that nice conversation mixed into action thing, and there were enough details going on with the action to bring people into it.

Butter: 322

Tycho remained silent for a moment before asking: “Gorgines...?”

I think you can use a standard comma for this instead of a colon.

Oh, Tycho is a gunsmith. Reading the two chapters together helped the understanding of the first chapter a lot. Tycho and Gorgines had some great moments, and I liked the state of Tycho's business. It's failing and unapologetically so. There are some nice touches thrown in there like how Tycho can't even give his stuff away and the homemade business cards. Tycho needs a more personable front man.

---

Moon +68 fhgn
Meet Again: 170
Oh Aeria, criminally-trained Aeria. I really liked the interactions between Kincaid and Aeria. They work together really well with Kincaid as a sort of next-level criminal trainer. He's just slowly pulling Aeria deeper into the world, setting her up to be the muscle. It is a good hiring collab.

 

[Apeiron]

Didn't see anything for Aq or guest grader. Let me know if anything was missed.

My writing for week 96:
http://www.postterminus.com/showthread.php?1230-Aq-Oc-Week-96-So-We-Meet-Again

 

[swaswj]

Hare - 170/171

Though the Societas had only existed for a handful of weeks, Kincaid’s office was spartan to say the least. Beside his desk, the only other furniture in the room was a chair meant for guests.

This is worded oddly. By starting with 'Though' you are implying that what you're about to say is contrary to what you would expect. Since it's new, it's only natural that it would still be pretty basic, however. Better to phrase as, "The Societas had only existed for a handful of weeks, and thus Kincaid's office was still Spartan, to say the least."

The rest of the collab is good. Kincaid's flare for the dramatics and his improvised theatrics were a good foil to Aeria's frustration and attempts not to give him the satisfaction of seeing her surprised. Not much to say to the plot itself, except to suggest that if Aeria was going to sign herself onto the guild, it might be good to establish an alias to use. Just my opinion, also, but it also seems like it'd be good to start moving some of these well-known, wanted people out of Terminus before it becomes bad for business.

So We Meet Again (3414) 170/171​