Reviewed [Lr] Week 338: Justified Qualms - Feedback
- Thread starter Beaks
- Start date
Pho
Member
Sup dawg. I like how you've shown what The Emerald Jewel is right after using that placename, so if the reader didn't remember, they do now. The conversation with his familiar is a nice way to show what's going on inside Chase's head without a monologue. My favourite part here was how you showed Oscar's character through his movements. He wasn't talking a lot, but he certainly was communicating. Your decription of Oscar's facial features showed not just his age, but his demeanor as well which worked together with the rest of the piece to show this merchant I might buy supplies from, but I wouldn't even attempt small talk with. I think it would have been good to hint what Chase might do with the materials he purchased, to feed the reader's anticipation for the next chapter. I'd like to write together sometime :3
The dynamic between Chase and Crib remains fantastic, and the way they play off each other is great. I love the description of the Emerald Jewel and how it's distinct from descriptions of the Ruby Jewel. It's how I would have envisioned it as well. Chase's (your) complaints about speed-walkers brought a chuckle, although it definitely felt like a real-world complaint. The exchange with Oscar is yet another good illustration of Chase's anxiety, where we're informed that they've done exchanges enough in the past that Chase shouldn't be worried but yet they still are. Once again, very relatable, and that makes me like Chase more and more as I read.