Approved Mille Piscatus - Enlil (Avian)

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Pho

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User name: Pho

Common Name: Mille Piscatus, meaning "Thousand Catches"

True Name: Nof he, meaning "Red Foot" (Often shortened to Nof, meaning "Red")

Age: 20

Race: Enlil (Avian)
If Spurii, Select Bloodlines:
N/A​

Racial Trait:
Enlil - Feather Fall (Aerial Gliding)​


Persona:
Mille grew up in a fishing village on the coast of Boreas. Having such a peaceful, stable environment lead to him being awfully innocent. He likes to help out and do things for others, and loves the action-packed/tasty-reward combo of spear-fishing. Mille enjoys learning from others, so he can in turn do more for others too. Consequently, he's picked up a fair few skills for someone from out in the boonies. This particular avian grew up with a biracial parent, so he hates the negative connotations of the term spurii, but his own reason for not identifying as one is that he really just didn't inherit a lot of his grandfather's genes. The only manifestation of his Velen blood so far is the surface of his forearms and lower legs, as detailed below.​

Physical Appearance:
Mille is a young adult male Enlil, standing five feet and six inches tall. He is covered in variegated feathers of saddle brown on the inside and dark red around the outside. The plumage on his head explodes into colour, with streaks of every colour in the rainbow featuring upon him, dominated by reds and greens. He does not have the bony facial protrusions that rare Enlil possess, but has a physical feature even rarer. Where most Enlil have a keratin-like substance beyond their elbows and knees, Mille instead has chitinous scales. They start the same brown as his feathers, but pass through a gradient to the same shade of red as his feathers at his feet and hands. He wears the traditional garb of four leaf-shaped pieces of cloth, but supplements it with the modern additions of underwear and a fisherman's toolbelt, containing handy items for untangling people and extracting hooks from them. Hidden in his belt Mille has an aquamarine for casting the spells of Castus, and a spherical stone for casting the spells of Aquila.​

Biography:
Mille is a fisherman in the Greensea Clan, located on the western coast of Boreas. Before the cataclysm, fishermen would go on great voyages and return home with a great haul, but nowadays they must stay close to the coast to avoid the attention of what lurks beneath. His favourite method of fishing is spear-fishing, but he can do the rest just as well. When the others saw him tinkering with tools and trying to fix them, he was encouraged to go to the Gray Mountain clan to learn blacksmithing. When they saw how he cared for his injured clanmates, he was encouraged to go to the Blue Forest clan to learn healing magic. When his father saw his magical skill, he was encouraged to go to the Emerald Glade clan to learn protective magic. Not wanting this investment to go to waste in a fight, his grandmother sent him to the Silver Spear clan to learn the ways of combat.​


Skill 1: Art of Aedificare (Blacksmith - Weapons and Armor)
Skill 2: Discipline of Contigeri (Lancer - Polearm Melee Combat)
Skill 3: School of Castus (Recovery Magic)
Skill 4: School of Aquila (Protective Magic)

Approved by: Poll results
 

Pho

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Sample Chapter:

A gentle breeze carrying the smell of salt flows inland, across the emerald waters of the Chlorae Ocean lapping at the shore, over a shallow beach of golden sand and up into the trees that mark the beginning of the new Boreas Forest. The sun, Caesar has just fallen below the horizon, its red hue in the clouds gradually being overtaken by the green light of the second moon, Lacunar. Open-edged wooden staircases wrap their way up the trunks of sturdy, evergreen trees, to a collection of circular and ring-shaped homes about thirty to forty metres up, linked together by walkways made of wood and rope. Each home is one floor, but the height of each one is determined by the tree it is on - there is no consistent floor level between them. Pots of Light Bearer hang just below the eaves, approximately one per "room".

The sound of laughter erupts from a large, circular platform bridging three trees, holding up no roof or walls, but twenty or so feathered fiends around a food-filled table. Clusters of red and brown feathers, of blue feathers, and of green feathers appear to be the three families at the table, and at the head are the seniors of the flock, a female Enlil, and a male Velen. Sharp fingers dart in and out of sight, reducing platters of food to nothing amongst the harmonies of conversations around the table.

An older feathered lady at the head of the semicircular table turns to her side and asks, "So, Red, have you finished your preparations?"

A bit further along the table, a rainbow-streaked head yelled back, "Yeah Gran, I'm all set!"

This individual, one of the bunch with variegated brown and red feathers, continued, "I found some deep hermit crabs that strayed into the shallows and took them up to the Gray Mountain clan the other day for a catch-up and thanked their blacksmiths for training me before I go."

Also at the head of the table, an older Velen who looked quite at home in the family fluff asked, "Red, there was more than that wasn't there?"

"Oh yeah! I also managed to trap some ghost crabs and brought them over to the Blue Forest bunch the day after and we had a nice brunch and I thanked the healers for their training and…"

Mille paused for a bit, searching his memories, "I found a big bush of sweet and sour leaf that looked ready for picking and took a good supply of that with me to the Emerald Glade, and no, I didn't forget to thanks their mages, and man that was a tasty lunch!"

As the Velen, Genus Viridimare, listened to his grandson's responses, he thought to himself, Wow, he's really food motivated…

Mille rubbed his stomach, reminiscing over lunch the other day, before stuffing his face full of fish and gulping it down. He looked over to his grandmother, Fortis Voluntatis, and said, "I paid the Silver Spears a visit too, they're happy with how I'm going and eager to see me when I get back."

She answered, "That's good to hear," and smiled a mischievous smile.

Someone in amongst the conversations could be heard saying, "I hear grandma once won a staring contest with a brick wall!"

Silence fell, and all became motionless. Fortus then pierced the silence and said, "That's how I keep you all in line," and followed her comment with a wink. Normality was restored, and the flurry of conversation and movement resumed.

Between Mille and his grandparents sat his mother Cor Fortium and his father Rimor Viridimare. His mother is an Enlil, with the same red and brown plumage as her children, except less pronounced. His father had the shoulders, arms and legs of a Velen, combined with the head and torso of an Enlil. Some travellers would call him a Spurii, the negative connotations of which he would try to ignore. He could certainly swim faster than any full Enlil.

Obligatory conversation with the oldies complete, Mille turned his attention back to his siblings and cousins. He asked, "So, what's the talk down this end of the table?"

His younger sister, Celeri Ingenii, who looked a lot like a younger version of their mother - aside from the hydrofoils on her arms in place of wings - then answered, "Well Swimmer was just asking why bother with underwear and I was telling him Sharpy's story."

Mille's feathers flattened a bit and he said, "Ughhhhhhhh, you mean that one with the twig?"

"Yeah"

Mille's face scrunched up and he said, "Ew! I'm trying to eat here you know!"

Celeri replied, "Don't ask a question if you don't want an answer," and turned away, enjoying a succulent piece of crab meat.

The multicoloured man's mouth opened for a moment, then shut again. Nope, no, nu-uh, not taking that bait.

One of his many cousins then asked, "So, looking forward to your overseas experience?"

"Heck yeah! I'm gonna see so many places and so many plants and so many animals…"

A nearby sibling interjected, "And people!"

Mille amended his previous statement, adding, "Oh yeah, and people!"

One of his brothers then asked, "So, you'll be seeing more Laicar than the occasional boat or two at the dock eh?"

At this point, a mischievous smile appeared on one of Mille's cousins, eager to snatch the opportunity. She said, "I heard that when you frighten a Laicar they can suddenly run faster than a sea wolf and jump higher than a sea horse!"

His sister then joined in and said, "I heard that since they have no feathers, they pluck ours and make clothes out of them!"

The young man was a bit ruffled at these comments and said with a glare, "I'm pretty sure we're not the ones to point fingers at different races."

Celeri jumped back a bit, startled. She stammered out, "Uhh… sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Was just trying to make a joke, ya know?"

"Yeah, sorry, didn't mean snap at you like that. Maybe I'm a little nervous," replied Mille.

His sister visibly dropped into a more pensive mood and said, "You're gonna be away for a while aren't you?"

The rainbow-streaked lad tried to perk up a bit, to get his sister's mood back up, and said, "Don't worry! I'll be fine! Granny made sure I can look after myself!"

He then threw his voice down the table and asked, "Isn't that right?"

"I ain't agreein' to whatever schemes you kids are coming up with over there!" resounded back.

Mille couldn't stop himself from snorting at that one - a real pearl of wisdom.


[1113 words]
 

swaswj

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Hey Pho, it's good to have you back! Welcome to Post Terminus!

I appreciate how much thought went into a lot of the little details. I can tell you really dug into the setting and the lore, from how you worked out the name to the little references littered throughout the chapter. Another detail I appreciate is that Mille is in that weird grey area where he's mixed blood, a spurii, but barely presents as such. He thus feels like an enlil, but still has that tie to spurii and resents people who look down on them. He can pass as pure.

The description is nice, slipping in the faint velen heritage but heavily showing enlil. The clothing design feels unique, too. Looking at Mille's bio combined with the chapter, I'm rather curious to see where his story is going to go. He seems like a good (adult) kid, eager to live up to his family's expectations, moving in so many different directions at once: he's a fisherman, a blacksmith, a priest, a warrior. Born into the Greensea Clan, studied at the Gray Mountain clan, learned from the Blue Forest and Emerald Glade Clans, and finally trained with the Silver Spear Clan.

Now he's off across the sea, headed to the big city and way from his family, or at least most of it. It's a good setup and allows you as the writer to introduce things to Mille and the reader at the same time, despite Mille having grown up in this world. He's essentially the pride of his family, maybe his clan, but how much will that mean to the people in places like Excelsa and Terminus?

Looking at the writing itself, it is solid for the most part, except for one thing: tense slipping. You start out in present tense, but dip into past tense, and by the end you're almost entirely in past tense. It's not excessive to the point of killing the story, but there is enough of it to distract from the chapter.

You've got +1 approval from me. After a second approval, you'll be official. Your choice whether to address the tense issue while waiting or keep it in mind for the next piece you write. Nicely done!
 

Dysney

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Hi Pho!
Good to see you join us for this RP :) I like your application for a lot of the same reasons Will listed. The details and your writing style will be a nice addition to our crew. There's nothing wrong with your application that should hold up your progress.

+1
 
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