Reviewed [Oc/Be] Week 245: Under The Moon's Gentle Glow - Feedback

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swaswj

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All in all, a very nice piece. Aeria and Dante are cute together. Moon, you did an excellent job with the opening descriptions and setting the scene, and I'm seeing a lot more animation throughout, even during conversation, which is great. Threads, I think I'd like to see more descriptiveness on your part, but you still keep up a level of animation, as well. There's a world around the characters and it adds life to their interactions.

Near the beginning, there's a small mistake of repeating Aeria's location in two paragraphs, and several turns ended with an unneeded quotation mark, but despite that, I didn't notice any mistakes. Aside from the beginning, the turn colors were separate (or at least were too similar to pick apart easily) and so the writing somewhat blended together, but it never became a problem because it read like one cohesive chapter. There was a strong flow and it didn't have the choppy back-and-forth you worry about in collabs.

Great work, and looking forward to reading the next part!
 

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