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Approved Rassuul Belthazar - Laicar(Terran)

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DeathShrub

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Auritium (⏆300 per)
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Vitatium (⏆1200 per)
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Caelitium (⏆6000 per)
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Name: Rassuul Belthazar
Race: Laicar
Age: 27

Physical Stature: A well toned martial arts body, accompanied by his tall figure is daunting to most. He wears a thin, low cut, purple vest with gold embroidery that is left wide open as his only upper attire to better show off his muscles and many tribal tattoos across his upper body and down the length of either arm. He also wears tannish white, large plumed leggings for ease of movement, and also because they are flashy, as he likes flashy and attention grabbing things.

He keeps his long hair in tightly bound cornrows, which he ties up in a ponytail fashion. On the ends of each braid are metal beads, which he crafted himself. His face is always cleanly shaven, as he hates the feel of stubble. In stark difference to his tanned skin and dark hair, he has bright green eyes, that almost seem to glow.

On his lower back, he keeps two loaded pistols which he crafted himself; hammer cocked back, and safety on, ready and waiting to be used at any given moment.

Persona: Rassuul is a very happy and playful person, taking next to nothing seriously. He jokes about any and everything and will laugh in the face of any situation, regardless of consequence. He sticks to and thoroughly holds the belief of bowing before no one, except for his overly egotistical self. He loves to mock people, so if he does bow before someone, he will make it showy and sarcastic.

He always has a skip in his step, and takes nothing personally, and expects the same of others which is rarely the case. A smile and a flourish are his signature responses towards all other people. He is often heard talking to others in third person, which he does out of habit, and because he believes it to be more attention grabbing.

History: Rassuul grew up as an orphan, always close to starving to death. The town's food market was often plagued by others like him, who had to steal food in order to survive. Unlike most of the other children, he learned which vendors to steal from so he wasn’t flogged to death; some even left food in an obvious place for him to grab, as charity, feigning anger so as to not invite other little thieves. Despite his dangerous self upbringing he was always happy and hopeful, feeling as if he were meant for greater things. He had always believed that he was going to make something of himself, unlike many of the other poor who often took to their plot in life, never reaching for more.

Nowadays, the proud and happy man crafts firearms and fireworks which he sales for a living, traveling from town to town. Some, albeit often against their own will, know him by name down his trader’s route.

Vigor: 1000

Latens:

Vistra: N/A

Ultimum: N/A

Skills:
Laicar(Race)
Adrenaline Rush: Able to run twice as fast and jump twice as far for 2 rounds. 4 round cooldown.

Pistolii(Ranged) 250
Double tap: Fire two shots at the same time, treated as a single attack for full sum of shots fired. Costs 2% max vigor, one round cooldown.

Gunsmith(Trade) 250
Craft Firearms: Able to craft ranged weapons (including bows) out of metal, wood, or stone. Can be augmented with Terra Regia corresponding to the current skill in Gunsmith.

Alchemist(Trade) 250
Brew Potion: Able to brew potions with known Castus or Aquila spells, up to the current skill in Alchemist. The potency of the potion varies based on skill, spell, and Terra Regia used.

School of Aquila(Eagle) 250
Deflector - Basic - 100 Vigor
A thin round shield is created in front of the caster, lasting one round. Reduces damage of attacks that strike the shield by 1 tier of damage and dissipates after blocking the damage. Terra Regia increases the amount of damage mitigated by 1 tier per grade, to a maximum of 6 tiers.

Verse: In a faraway, forgotten land, a tall statue would forever stand.

Night Vision - Basic - 150 Vigor
Enables the user to see in low-light conditions, casting everything within 10m in a green glow. Lasts until canceled. Terra Regia increases the range of the night-vision by 10m per grade, to a maximum of 60m.

Verse: A heavy pall bringing forth doom, the warmth of light shall remove the gloom.

Aviate - Advanced - 250 Vigor
The caster is able to glide a few inches above the ground, for 2 turns. This allows the user to cross surfaces like water that will not normally hold their weight.

Verse: Gliding up high through the air, leave the world without a care.


Feats
:

Exa: 500

Terra Regia:

Sample Chapter_____

The Great Golden Arches of Home!
In the Copiae Ocean, west of the walled city of Excelsa, there is a small island inhabited by mainly velen who use it as a trader’s island. The small island of Tallae is used for the export of velen goods and crafts, as well as where they ship off Terria Regia they mined off of the ocean floor. Not many laicar lived on the island, but few amongst its inhabitants are ignorant of the man known as Rassuul Belthazar. Most people tend to try and ignore him, which is usually nigh impossible as he is by far the loudest and most obnoxious of all the people on the island.

Those who actually tried to converse with the flamboyant man actually tended to enjoy his company, as the excitable man was never short on energy and always tried his damnedest to be the life of the party, as he always felt he was. Rassuul regularly frequented the island’s pubs and the one and only Tallae Market Square. Despite its very few inhabitants, Tallae Market Square was always bustling with people from sun up to sun down. Among those people, Rassuul always had his ‘Fine Pistols’ tent set up.

“Rassuul’s fine pistols for sell!” He shouted with arms spread wide open, a truly joyous smile splayed across his well-tanned face. The loud man’s green eyes seemed to almost glow within the shaded tent, which brought him more looks than his actual wares. Rassuul’s emerald green eyes looked much more akin to the velen than other Laicar, but if he had any Velen blood within him, it was so far down the line that only his eyes bore any kind of resemblance.

“Rassuul’s shop here holds the finest of any guns in the lands! You will never find anything quite like them anywhere else!” The man repeated such rhetoric for many hours of the day, six days out of the week. Rassuul always took a day off in the middle of the week to drink as much as he could afford, and still have money to continue his craft.

No matter when or where people saw him, whether it was rain or shine, his tent was always there. Rassuul stood vigil with a bright smile waiting to greet those who graced his store with their eyes and best of all, their money. But, today, his tent was not there in that busy market place. Would people miss him? Would people notice his absence? Rassuul didn’t know, and didn’t really care. Tallae was only a stopping point for him as he made his way up the coast, selling his wares at every city he happened to grace with his appearance.

Now, he was upon a merchant’s vessel, heading north across the Copiae Ocean, in the midst of his trek towards the megalopolis that was Terminus. That was where he would become known. That was where he would make his fortune, in the greatest city in the lands. That market, or markets for all he knew, was where he would make his stand or even buy his own shop if he had enough money. Oh, how he had always wanted to own his own store, but he knew he would always reminisce of his days in a market stall right in the throng of the many people that wandered the markets. He would miss having a stall, but he would gladly welcome his own store front as that was proof of his success.

More often than not, his small time fireworks sold many times more than he would sell a gun, but he enjoyed making either. Rassuul, as loud and flamboyant as he was, very much enjoyed working with his hands. That point where one completed the crafting of something brought him joy, every time, even now. There was never anything quite like the crafting arts in his eyes, except maybe making the sell itself. Talking with people was an art form, and he was an up and coming genius in that field.

“Captain!” shouted the brightly dressed man, “Where are we due to make landfall?” As he asked, he stood upon the railing of the small merchant’s vessel, with his endless smile.

“Set’le down my eas’ly ex’ited friend!” laughed out the ships merchant captain, with a smile no smaller than Rassuul’s. He had a hard-to-understand vocal inflection, but the word friend always came out crystal clear, much to Rassuul’s enjoyment.

“Ah, but I can’t wait to make a name for myself! And what place better than the biggest city in all of Araevis!” He stated that last part, despite it being phrased as a question. He always spoke like that, making others around him question what his intent was in the first place. He spoke like that, because he never expected an answer, always thinking that the answer was so easy to see that no one needed to say anything.

Rassuul and Merchant Captain Xel’set became fast friends, as they had many of the same views. The world was their market, and everyone was a potential buyer, even each other. “Aye, ‘les you set’le down all yer jumping and shout’in you migh’ end up in the wa’er instead!” Even then, they both laughed and smiled; the captain knew that nothing he said would calm the man.

They had been at sea for only a little more than a day and Rassuul had barely slept at all; choosing instead to converse with the ship’s many crewmen, helping out where he could. Having grown up on the coast, working fishing vessels for part time work - working on the deck of a ship was as close to home as he ever felt. It was a place that kept him working, knowing that something good would come out of his effort. But, many things had changed since then! He no longer worked just to put food in his mouth; instead he worked because he enjoyed it.

After making a name for himself with the city of Terminus, he was determined to get a ship of his own, and grace the entire world with his goods and presence. He was certain that he was the one thing missing in everyone’s lives throughout the world, usually bringing a smile to those around him, but also annoying the unfortunate few that didn't like his always happy go lucky personality.

Rassuul’s bright green eyes took on more of a bluish hue when he was so close to the water's reflective surface, making them look that much more velen than his laicar blood intended. He had received social stigma from some, thinking him a half blood. In his homeland, race meant little to nothing, as coin ruled everything. The poor stayed poor while the rich got richer off of the suffering of the over worked slave-like inhabitants. The always happy man smiled back on those days, waiting for the day that he could achieve his true dream, and bring prosperity to those who needed it most. Regardless of when or where he met the unfortunates of society, he always reached out a helping hand. He had suffered many betrayals, but it never fazed him knowing the situation of the backstabber.

Never had he taken anything personally, and he never intended to, knowing that there was always an underlying reason behind their actions or so he had always hoped. Growing up as a pickpocket out of sheer necessity let him realize that people do what they have to in order to survive, he only hoped to lessen the burden of those unfortunate people, if only even a little.

---

After a little over a week of sailing across the calm Copiae seas, they finally made port west of the island they had birthed from, in a cove-city south of Terminus. He had another long journey ahead of him, but it would have to wait. With every new city, came new customers and new opportunities. He would waste no time in setting up shop, hoping to make a name for himself in this city as well. Copula, a strange name for a city in Rassuul’s eyes, but to him all cities carried the weighty name of prospect.

Gulls patrolled the city skies, swooping down from time to time to pick up food dropped by the plethora of people that populated the streets. Velen, enlil, laicar, and he even spotted a couple demvir and even fewer spurii which people made sure to avoid when at all possible. He sighed at the people’s responses towards the mixed race, but judged no one, as he hoped none would judge him.

“Hello Everyone! The much awaited Rassuul has finally come to grace you with his presence!” The obnoxiously loud laicar shouted, bringing many a strange look from others, even the Spurii. But, people paid him so much more attention now, that they weren’t looking at the mixed beings to be able to avoid them. He could only smile at himself, having done such a simple and great deed for the hating beings. He knew none would notice or even consider the possibility of why he acted out like he had, but he didn't think about it enough to care.

After having asked several people, he managed to make his way over to the mayor’s town hall. He would have to purchase a permit in order to open up shop, he knew that, but what he hadn’t expected was the outrageous price.“If you would like to open up shop in our city, that will be one thousand golden exa, and a ten percent cut of your profits, of course.” The attendant sounded so sure of himself, never missing a beat in his quick speech.

The price was egregious at best, making the always happy man lose his facade for a second; but only a second, of course. “Well then, is there any way that this Rassuul can talk you out of that price. There must be something I can do to lower the price, of course, there always is!” Ever the salesman, he spoke with a theatre voice, loud enough for anyone around him to hear him all too clearly.

But, the clerks face never even twitched. “Well, if you don’t have the money, I’m afraid that there is just no way that we can help you. Next!” He waved Rassuul away, bringing forward the next person in the short line. Everyone else seemed to be asking for extensions on their payments, for taxes, rent, and what could only be summed up as extortion.

Rassuul had never encountered a city quite like this one, and hoped that he never would again. It was worse off here than even his home town, despite being so close to the world’s capital. How this city had been allowed to run amuck like it had, the laicar had no idea. He was left with no other choice than to move on, for the time being. He had resolved to come back and set this city straight, some way or another. The corrupt would always exist, hoping to deepen their pockets at every turn, willing to take from anyone who couldn’t or wouldn’t fight back.

With no other choice but to move on, without opening up shop, he began his search for a basilisk to purchase. Rassuul had a long journey ahead of him yet still, and footing it was out of the question. Having finally purchased a black beast, for yet another outrageous price, he saddled up the basilisk and filled its bags with the contents of his backpack. He purchased a weeks’ worth of food for both himself and the black beast which he rode upon; he set out on his long road to freedom and prosperity.

---

Having managed to sell two of his remaining pistols, he figured he would have enough money for when he reached town. He still had a single rifle left for sale and two more pistols, excluding his own of course, but he was completely out of Terria Regia to work with to make more. The otherwise cheap metal that he needed was still expensive when compared to his daily needs, but he had to get some if he hoped to continue his work and keep making money.

With a week’s worth of travel between him and his destination, he made surprisingly good time, arriving at the large gates, never taking his eyes off of the overly large tower that held a second sun atop it. The line between him and Terminus seemed never ending, but the light at the end of that long tunnel was far more than worth it, as it was everything that he was looking for. To make a shop, run a guild, and obtain his very own ship! Everything was a possibility, and the means to his end lied beyond those arches.
(WC: 2140)
 
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Hello and welcome to PT! Moonie here to give your app a review. It's nice to see a new face around so without further ado, here's the app review!

Name: A-OK (and has a nice ring to it)

Race: All good

Age: Yup he has one.

Physical Stature: It seems good. Everything checks out and nothing's redundant. You present a fairly clearly illustrated picture of Rassuul in this segment. A small stylistic change that might make it flow better is to say, "thin, low-cut, purple vest with gold embroidery that is left wide open".

Persona: There are only a few changes that I'd like to see here and none of them have anything to do with content. The first is to change "takes nothing personal" to "personally" , the second is to change "features" after signature to "responses" as it makes more sense and finally to remove the second "often" that precedes "out of habit" since it is redundant in that sentence. Besides those, it looks good to go.

History: There are a few mechanical elements here that I'd like to see changed but otherwise it looks good. It should be the "town's" food market but you can remove the apostrophe from "vendor's" as you are referring to the plural of vendor. I'd recommend something like, "Despite growing up on the streets" instead of "dangerous self upbringing" which seems a bit unwieldy. You can write "nowadays" as one word and there's no need for a comma after "proud and happy man" and it should be "route" as opposed to "rout".

I will continue this review shortly but you can work on my suggestions thus far. I'll add to this post tonight, Shrub!


 
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Alrighty Mr. Shrub! We shall continue with your review since you've made the edits that I suggested.

You can just list latens as 0.

So first off you don't need to list race skills at all. Also don't count the race skill towards your latens. In all of your chosen disciplines, all you have to do is announce that you are a novice, you don't need to list individual skills. So basically just: The Way of Pistolii: Novice, Art of Terriculum: Novice etc; we know to read into the skills at that level. If you change those to reflect that form, it'll be all good. Without the race skill, you can add one more skill!

Everything else below this looks good but now I need to review your chapter.

The first note I have to make is that we're not capitalizing the races as a matter of style (except of course when we start a sentence with them).

The second general note I have is wherever you have "trader's island" or "island's pubs" you need to have apostrophe "s" because it is the pub of island or the island of the traders so it is possessive. Anywhere those occur, you need that apostrophe.

So the second paragraph should remain in the past tense throughout. It should all be "Those who actually tried to converse..." etc; so that you keep the tenses consistent. I also noticed some errors that I'd appreciate you taking a look at. The first one is, "
Those of who actually converse" where you don't really need "of whom" at all. The next issue I can see is, "Rassuul regulars the islands pubs" and I think what you meant was something like, "Rassuul regularly frequented the island's pubs".

Now to the next paragraph. The first issue is "for sell" instead of "for sale". You can also capitalize "he" after the quotations there. You also missed the plural in "emerald green eyes" but I think those are the only real issue there.

In the following paragraph, you can change "rhetorics" to "rhetoric". That's it here.

The fourth paragraph has a few issues. First please replace "seen" with "saw". Secondly make sure that you break up this next sentence, "
whether it was rain or shine, his tent was always there, with a bright smile waiting to greet those who graced his store with their eyes and best of all, their money" by adding a period after "his tent was always there" and continuing with "He was there with a bright smile..." Also "market place" can be made into one word.

Anywhere you have a word like "fireworks" it can be all one word just as I've shown it. You also jumped tense again this fifth paragraph where you wrote "completes" instead of "completed". I have also made note of the first sentence that seems a bit awkwardly worded. You can try something like "More often than not, he sold many more fireworks than guns, but..." just to get the flow sounding good. Also replace "make the sell" with "make the sale" and add "up-and-coming" in this form.

In the sixth paragraph, the only thing I'd change is "always a smile on his face" to something like "with his constant smile"

Now on the seventh paragraph, you can simply say "hard-to-understand vocal inflection".

The next paragraph is missing a capitalization after the first quotation. Otherwise it looks good.

Following that, the only issue is another capitalization after a quotation, namely, at "even then".

The tenth paragraph has another incident of needing a possessive apostrophe for "ship's crewmen".

We can skip down to paragraph twelve and change "social stigmata" to social "stigma". Also it should be "slave-like" rather than "slave like". You can also change "waiting of" the day to "waiting for". There's also a simpler way to word the sentence starting with "betrayal". You can say, "He'd suffered many betrayals but..."

In the next paragraph, it would be "never had he taken anything personally" rather than "personal".

Where you have "Copiae Ocean seas" you can simply say "Copiae seas" as the ocean is implied.

I think that there are some simple errors that pepper the rest of the document. Look out for those possessive apostrophes and otherwise just check for proofreading mistakes. I'll review your app again soon!
 
I list my skills out like that for myself mostly, to be honest. It lets me be lazy in the future heheh.

I think i fixed everything that you pointed out, and couple more things here and there throughout the chapter; but, no promises on that!

Also, i hope I'm getting his personality across well enough. Please do tell if you think it needs to be fleshed out (chapter wise) a little more.
 
So far, his personality comes glowing through! I think that you can do most of the expansion of his personality through RP.

I think you've made most of the changes that I wanted to see. I did spot one other error, "But, many things have changed since then! He no longer worked just to put food in his mouth.." That pesky tense change happened again so do please alter it to read "had".

I also spotted another possessive apostrophe error in "waters reflective surface" where it should be "water's" since the reflective surface belongs to the water.

Otherwise, I am happy to give you my +1 to approval. Now another app staffer will come in and have a look. If they spot any more errors, they'll point them out and after that, if you've done what's needed, you'll be officially in PT! I look forward to writing with you soon, Shrub!
 
Hi Shrub-kun! Nice to meet ya!

So far, everything looks good with the changes Mwn suggested. I like the tone of your sample chapter, it's very refreshing. I have a couple nitpicks for ya: the first paragraph is in present tense despite the rest being past tense and in this sentence (There was never anything quite like the crafting arts in his eyes, except maybe making the sell itself.) "sell" should be "sale". I also noticed a few places where you haven't used Mwn's suggestions (there's an instance where spurii is capitalized and the phrase "dangerous self upbringing" still remains in the biography portion of your application)

But these aren't huge problems, just makes sure you give everything a once over before you move on.

Welcome to Post Terminus, Shrub-kun, you are approved!

Copy and paste the first half of your application in a new thread in the character registrar and post your sample chapter in the writing section!
 
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