re: All the Fish

[Beaks]

This is not going to be mean, but nor will it be happy. Anyone looking for the normal 'hur hur beaks' routine should stop reading about now.

I should start with the obvious: I got into this for entirely the wrong reason.

In February 2008 I had a relatively small group of friends, and said friends were all jumping into the Halcyon Days roleplay. I had next to no knowledge of Bleach itself let alone the larger group of people I was going to be hurling myself into. However, fear of being left alone or left behind (take your pick) has a way of overriding that pesky common sense business. It's a lot easier to go with the crowd and jump off the bridge too if otherwise you'd be the only one still at the top.

In my time here I've interacted with people who are capable of amazing things. Things that make you both intimidated and impressed beyond measure in the same jarring instant. Whether by the spoken word, works of art, or the mere strength of their presence and character the people that make up HD/MD/PT are, at worst, a very tough act to follow.

I'm not a writer. At least, not in any constructive scope or measure. Before Halcyon my dabbling in trying to put a story to paper was horrid, and that's being kind. Anyone who knows what I'm speaking of can easily vouch for said shittiness. My time here has brought me text to text with people that are leagues better than I could ever have hoped to be, so much so that it wasn't so much 'collaborating' as it was 'holyshitholyshittheyretalkingtomeholyshit.' I feel like I should clarify something before the snowball goes too far down the hill: I'm not expecting/wanting/desiring/fishing for pity. I don't want this to be a 'no, you're good!' pond of piss, I want this to be as mutually civil as possible.

That being said, I need to hang up my homicidal hat. It's been a hell of a six years, ranging from the face-chewing rage associated with the Mootie Mouse Club's plot missions and questionable semblance of leadership to a fist-pumping level of joy that can only spring from fighting giant robots in Tokyo. I could list more but this post would never end if I did, only drag on and on with more and more examples of ways this RP has made me laugh, fume, feel pride and contemplate mail-order arson.

I'm thirty years old. There are bills to fret over, a wife to love and spend time with, a house full of pets and a messy roommate to manage, and a full time job to boot. Those aren't really the reasons why I'm doing this though. It's infinitely more simple than that. I'm tired. The thought of sitting down and typing out a thousand words doesn't bring excitement or happiness anymore, just a sense of worn out obligation that one would compare to mowing the lawn or cleaning the toilet. It's a chore, and one I haven't gotten much out of for some time. I know full well that I make the choice not to write anymore, and this isn't an attempt to blame someone or something for my absence from the boards. I am responsible for my actions first and foremost.

So that brings us to the close. As long as I am still welcome to do so I'll pop into chat from time to time to say hello, and anyone present is more than welcome to continue speaking/interacting with me on Facebook, Xbox Live, Steam and all the others. If there's ever a decided end to the Bleach RP I'm digging it like an ingrown nail, otherwise all I can do is wish everyone good luck and good times with the Post Terminus story as it continues to unfold.

I guess all that's left to say is thank you. Thank you for six years of an experience I will never forget. Thank you to all the creative, insightful and above all patient people who have indulged and tolerated me over the years, even when I was well past intolerable. Thanks. I know it's a small word tossed around in dizzying quantities from day to day, but I mean it more than most of you might ever know. But thank you. Seriously.

Cheers.

-Christopher Paul SeCheverell
AIM: beaker321c
XBL: BIDOOF OR DIE09
League: Wrath Of Socky

 

[Rob]

Seems like the move to PT was as good as any point to call it quits, huh? Can't say I blame you, or that it's unexpected - you not being all that active on the boards was kind of reason enough to think you were gone 'for good', so to say.

I'll miss you, like I miss all the other writers I've written with over these crazy years - both new and old, liked and disliked.

We sometimes had trouble communicating, but overall it was a pleasure working with you, Chris.

I'd say this is farewell, but we both know it's not. I still see your posts on my facebook feed every day, so it's not like we'll never talk again. I wish you all the good lucks in the world with your job, your family, roommate, and all the other crazy stuff in your life.

 

[FogOverLondon]

I see where you're coming from. Being 28 I kind of thought about hanging up my fantasy hat as well but it's all about priorities and having fun so, we'll miss you but totally get it. If you ever get the itch though... PT has a lot of possibility, just sayin'

 

[swaswj]

I have to tell you, man, my first thought is that you're both selling yourself short and fooling yourself. After all, you were the one who convinced me to join HD to begin with (moreso than Erin). You joined before both of us. I remember being out on the road in our crappy FiOS job, and you'd be wanting to check the boards or see if people wrote a turn, yet. Say what you want, but for a while at least, you fucking loved it.

And maybe I'm a big part of why you no longer do.

To steal a word from Kev, your writing has always been very bombastic. You're flashy, you like to write about extremes and insane characters dealing with insane situations. You and I spent many a night just shooting ideas back and forth for crazy things to do or new releases and feats. It was a blast to try and think of new ways to break the game, to see what sort of things would meet Moot's approval in spite of how overpowered they were (and not even secretly so). Then, when I got thrust into the pilot seat, suddenly I didn't want the game broken, and maybe I spent a little too much effort shutting down your ideas.

I have seen a lot of writers, some of them who I still hold up as role models for myself, come and go throughout our six years as part of the RP. I've graded tons of them, read more of them, and even considering all this talent that beats in the RP's veins, at your worst, you're still a damn good writer. A writer who will make me shake my head and laugh at the dumbest things possible, at times, but one capable of expressing passion, fervor, and intensity in the right measure. I don't know what you wrote like before the RP, but nothing I've ever seen from you has been shitty.

You've got to do what feels right for you, and you know I always hope for the best for you and Dani and the 'kids.' You're always welcome here, though, whether you want to chat or write or keep all these damn kids off your lawn.

Edit: And I guess I should note, if you're going to leap into chat, the new room is 'terminus' now.