The azure peacock...

[Hollowfication]

Long have I disdained this taste you leave in my mouth
The wake of the color spewing forth from your lips
You know the loathing I have for it and yet, silent do you stay
You force me into submission with the passion of thy tounge
Far have we traveled down this wysteria road
Ugly and unbeautiful is the choker around my neck
When will you hear my name and call unto me
You know it well, you beautiful bastard
You look at me with longing, knowing my potential
Call me forth, call me Fuji Kujaku no more
For my true name is Ruri-iro Kujaku
The Azure Peacock!

 

[GivingCharity]

Nice work, the only thing I think may be a problem is that ugly and unbeautiful can be considered the same thing.

 

[Hollowfication]

True, I didn't notice that, or it could be viewed for emphasis. But I see your point. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[zangetsu412]

I really like it. extremely heartfelt.

 

[GivingCharity]

No probs mate ;D It is a great poem =]

 

[Hollowfication]

Thanks! I appreciate it!

 

[BucketOBankai]

Love it! Very passionately written

 

[Hollowfication]

Thank you, I do enjoy writing, although I wish I had more time to do it.

 

[Boo-san]

Very nice. Sounds like you almost took it right from the anime. Or did you? Not I am kidding.

 

[Hollowfication]

Haha yeah episode 217 was fresh on my mind, so I went back to make sure I got the names spelled correctly, but other than that, their thoughts, my words.

 

[Boo-san]

Nice. Good job with that.

 

[yumichika]

Awsome!!! yumichika is the best

 

[vizored 112358]

my brain hurts-not of the poem, the wall-ledge of the spa that i ran into while looking for computers

great poem, need more time for brain to rest do i can rate awesomeness.....owwie....