Seamus
Voodoo Gnomes
1208 Words
Sound filled the busy bar. People talking and laughing, beer glasses clinking and there was tacky music blaring over hidden speakers. Despite it all Seamus felt right at home there, seated at a table with his friends trading stories about their first weeks as part of the Gotei and consuming prodigious amounts of booze. Though they had wisely been split up into different divisions, Seamus in the Fifth, Stephen in the Fourth (much to his chagrin), Jay in the Eleventh and Roland in the First they had managed to find time to sneak out and meet up for (several) drinks. Four beers deep, Seamus was feeling pretty content. The last few weeks had been unduly stressful, trying to adjust to new routines, people and the work that went along with being a low level member of a Division. There was training to be done, maintenance to be taken care of and occasional missions that took them beyond the walls of Seireitei and into the vast lands beyond. It was a different life than the one that the young man had led up 'till then, but it was one he thought he could get used to given time. For all the new responsibility Seamus hadn't completely let go of the somewhat criminal and irresponsible bent that he and his bros--there was no other word for it, the four of them were close--had developed over the years.
"Dude," Stephen was saying, shaking Seamus' arm with more force than was probably necessary, "how unfair is that?!"
"Whaaa--?" Typically, Seamus had wandered off into his own thoughts and not been paying attention. This earned him a sardonic look of mock disapproval from his friend.
"You're useless, you know that right?"
"Yes."
Stephen sighed, "Bro, I was saying that the morons from the Second requested a bunch of us to come and clean out their toilets! How unfair is that?! We're supposed to be healers not professional shit-scrubbers! How unfair is it that they can just order us to do something like that!" There was general snickering and not very suppressed laughter from the others at the table. Poor Stephen was not pleased. "You guys are the worst!"
"Bro, you have to understand," Seamus fixed his buddy with a serious stare. "That's what the Fourth is. You guys are responsible for the upkeep of the city and it's members." Seamus' serious expression started to waver, "Though thanks for the idea, I didn't actually know we could get Fourthies to do that sort of crap for us. I'll be sure to call you next time I have to clean toilets...now that you're all pro at it and stuff."
There was outright laughter this time and other comments.
"Hey, hey, do you wipe asses too or does that cost extra?!"
"Yeah! There's always this one spot that I can never seem to get quite clean! I'm sure you guys could help me out there! That's taking care of Gotei members, right?!"
Stephen's face had turned an amazing shade of pink that seemed to be threatening to take over his ears and--Seamus concluded as he drained his fifth beer--might just dye the guy's light blond hair pink as well.
"Y'all motherfuckers need to shut up and drink," was all Stephen could say as he rubbed his burning face with his hands. "You are some mean ass dudes when you're not drunk enough." Never ones to say no when told to drink, the four of them cheersed in a sloppy way 'To Stephen the Shit Master!' and drained whatever they had in their hands.
"What about you, Sea," Roland chimed in as he flagged down a server ('Babe! Babe! Over here!'), "You're in the Fifth now, right?" Seamus nodded, guessing (and not liking) where this was about to go. "That's the one that's all about traps, right? Does that mean you guys have a bunch of chicks with dicks kicking around? Should we fear for what's going to become of you...cuz like, bro, we're here if you ever need to talk."
Laughter erupted from the other guys at the table and Seamus joined in, running a hand across his face and leaning back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head for support. "Don't worry I'm sure you'll be the first to know if I ever start feeling like dressing in fishnets and miniskirts, babe--I mean, bro!!" Seamus laughed and continued with a bit of a grin on his face. "No...nothing quite like that, man. Though I'm sure that would be an experience. We do actual traps. Like shit hidden within things that explode IN YOUR FACE when you touch them, hiding things from other people, stuff like that. It's quite fun, really."
"You're a nerd."
"Says the guy in the fucking kidou Division! You spend your life up to your eyeballs in dusty books reading about 'delicate arcane secrets that can unlock the power of the divine'. I know how you guys roll there." Seamus' voice was heavy with playful sarcasm. "When was the last time you got to prank someone by hiding Sai within the fabric of their underwear so when they tried to put it on their arms get bound behind them?! Man that was priceless..." Smiling at the memory Seamus took a gulp from his glass, sighed and looked around. To his very great surprise, the place was nearly empty. There were only a couple of rough looking guys drinking at the bar, the bartender and the babe of a waitress who looked very much like she'd rather be anywhere but at work on a Saturday night. A quick glance at his watch informed the young man that it was nearly two-thirty in the morning. Suddenly very much aware that he was supposed to meet with the Captain in the morning and dreading the walk home through the maze that was the Fifth Division grounds he stood up.
And nearly fell over.
"Bro what're you doing?" Jay sounded alarmed. "We got like all these shots to finish..."
"I gotta get home man...forgot I was supposed to meet with the Captain in the morning. Gotta get to bed 'n stuff."
"Be a man, take your shots."
"Well..." Seamus knew better, but hell, you only live once, he thought. "Fine."
With one final cheers they each downed their shots of Jack and tried to look as though the whiskey had less effect than a shot of water would have. They each failed miserably.
"Man," gasped Seamus, "I hate that stuff. I'm out before you fuckers try to kill me for real this time. It is. Bed. Time."
"You're just going to go home and puke."
"That'll be fun too." After a moment of indecision--man, the room was really going every which way now--Seamus figured out where the door was and did his best to leave with elegance. An attempt that was ruined when he misjudged the distance between him and a stack of chairs and knocked them to the ground with a loud crash. Pretending that he'd done nothing Seamus staggered to the door and up the street toward home.
He really, really hoped his Captain wasn't an early riser.
Sound filled the busy bar. People talking and laughing, beer glasses clinking and there was tacky music blaring over hidden speakers. Despite it all Seamus felt right at home there, seated at a table with his friends trading stories about their first weeks as part of the Gotei and consuming prodigious amounts of booze. Though they had wisely been split up into different divisions, Seamus in the Fifth, Stephen in the Fourth (much to his chagrin), Jay in the Eleventh and Roland in the First they had managed to find time to sneak out and meet up for (several) drinks. Four beers deep, Seamus was feeling pretty content. The last few weeks had been unduly stressful, trying to adjust to new routines, people and the work that went along with being a low level member of a Division. There was training to be done, maintenance to be taken care of and occasional missions that took them beyond the walls of Seireitei and into the vast lands beyond. It was a different life than the one that the young man had led up 'till then, but it was one he thought he could get used to given time. For all the new responsibility Seamus hadn't completely let go of the somewhat criminal and irresponsible bent that he and his bros--there was no other word for it, the four of them were close--had developed over the years.
"Dude," Stephen was saying, shaking Seamus' arm with more force than was probably necessary, "how unfair is that?!"
"Whaaa--?" Typically, Seamus had wandered off into his own thoughts and not been paying attention. This earned him a sardonic look of mock disapproval from his friend.
"You're useless, you know that right?"
"Yes."
Stephen sighed, "Bro, I was saying that the morons from the Second requested a bunch of us to come and clean out their toilets! How unfair is that?! We're supposed to be healers not professional shit-scrubbers! How unfair is it that they can just order us to do something like that!" There was general snickering and not very suppressed laughter from the others at the table. Poor Stephen was not pleased. "You guys are the worst!"
"Bro, you have to understand," Seamus fixed his buddy with a serious stare. "That's what the Fourth is. You guys are responsible for the upkeep of the city and it's members." Seamus' serious expression started to waver, "Though thanks for the idea, I didn't actually know we could get Fourthies to do that sort of crap for us. I'll be sure to call you next time I have to clean toilets...now that you're all pro at it and stuff."
There was outright laughter this time and other comments.
"Hey, hey, do you wipe asses too or does that cost extra?!"
"Yeah! There's always this one spot that I can never seem to get quite clean! I'm sure you guys could help me out there! That's taking care of Gotei members, right?!"
Stephen's face had turned an amazing shade of pink that seemed to be threatening to take over his ears and--Seamus concluded as he drained his fifth beer--might just dye the guy's light blond hair pink as well.
"Y'all motherfuckers need to shut up and drink," was all Stephen could say as he rubbed his burning face with his hands. "You are some mean ass dudes when you're not drunk enough." Never ones to say no when told to drink, the four of them cheersed in a sloppy way 'To Stephen the Shit Master!' and drained whatever they had in their hands.
"What about you, Sea," Roland chimed in as he flagged down a server ('Babe! Babe! Over here!'), "You're in the Fifth now, right?" Seamus nodded, guessing (and not liking) where this was about to go. "That's the one that's all about traps, right? Does that mean you guys have a bunch of chicks with dicks kicking around? Should we fear for what's going to become of you...cuz like, bro, we're here if you ever need to talk."
Laughter erupted from the other guys at the table and Seamus joined in, running a hand across his face and leaning back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head for support. "Don't worry I'm sure you'll be the first to know if I ever start feeling like dressing in fishnets and miniskirts, babe--I mean, bro!!" Seamus laughed and continued with a bit of a grin on his face. "No...nothing quite like that, man. Though I'm sure that would be an experience. We do actual traps. Like shit hidden within things that explode IN YOUR FACE when you touch them, hiding things from other people, stuff like that. It's quite fun, really."
"You're a nerd."
"Says the guy in the fucking kidou Division! You spend your life up to your eyeballs in dusty books reading about 'delicate arcane secrets that can unlock the power of the divine'. I know how you guys roll there." Seamus' voice was heavy with playful sarcasm. "When was the last time you got to prank someone by hiding Sai within the fabric of their underwear so when they tried to put it on their arms get bound behind them?! Man that was priceless..." Smiling at the memory Seamus took a gulp from his glass, sighed and looked around. To his very great surprise, the place was nearly empty. There were only a couple of rough looking guys drinking at the bar, the bartender and the babe of a waitress who looked very much like she'd rather be anywhere but at work on a Saturday night. A quick glance at his watch informed the young man that it was nearly two-thirty in the morning. Suddenly very much aware that he was supposed to meet with the Captain in the morning and dreading the walk home through the maze that was the Fifth Division grounds he stood up.
And nearly fell over.
"Bro what're you doing?" Jay sounded alarmed. "We got like all these shots to finish..."
"I gotta get home man...forgot I was supposed to meet with the Captain in the morning. Gotta get to bed 'n stuff."
"Be a man, take your shots."
"Well..." Seamus knew better, but hell, you only live once, he thought. "Fine."
With one final cheers they each downed their shots of Jack and tried to look as though the whiskey had less effect than a shot of water would have. They each failed miserably.
"Man," gasped Seamus, "I hate that stuff. I'm out before you fuckers try to kill me for real this time. It is. Bed. Time."
"You're just going to go home and puke."
"That'll be fun too." After a moment of indecision--man, the room was really going every which way now--Seamus figured out where the door was and did his best to leave with elegance. An attempt that was ruined when he misjudged the distance between him and a stack of chairs and knocked them to the ground with a loud crash. Pretending that he'd done nothing Seamus staggered to the door and up the street toward home.
He really, really hoped his Captain wasn't an early riser.