Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 391: DREAMS OF THE WORLD WEARY - ACT I, CHAPTER I: The End by K3.
Reviewed Week 391: DREAMS OF THE WORLD WEARY - ACT I, CHAPTER I: The End - Feedback
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I read this instantly, and then Ky was all ‘ohhhh reviews arent hard just do it you coward’ so if this makes no sense and reads like poo, I take no responsibility and forward all blame to him.
Amazingly written, and emotionally powerful - if I were to name one critique, one gripe, it’d be that in favoring Annora’s emotional turmoil, you leave her physically untethered in places - does that make any sense? Even though in the writing, you describe what Annora is doing or experiencing just as often as you write what she’s, er, feeling - it feels almost abstract comparatively, like the physical is sorta...IDK. Detached? The point I GUESS I am trying to make is I felt pretty emotionally connected to Annora in this chapter, but not physically so, in spite of the physical descriptions and the vibrant scene-setting at the start.
/oops i make no sense
I also gotta wonder how...how long has it been, canonically, since Annora saw El n' Keydis? HAS IT REALLY BEEN YEARS? I have literally no sense of time. I can’t tell if the implication is that time flows differently in Annora’s Fun Time Palace of Misery and Magic - and therefore she’s experienced ‘years’ that might not have passed on the outside...or if time passes normally, except Annora kept getting reset so she didnt STARVE TO DEATH A WEEK IN, YA KNOW.
I feel like my brain is also trying to simplify the problem Annora was presented with - because after finishing this, all I thought was “wait so she took years to be like ‘what if...ALL the magic. Instead of four out of five magic?’?” I think the implication is that there was some long-engrained mental block there from her studies and her teachings and maybe something religious, but without goin’ back and doing a deep-dive read of Annora’s chapters/past, I AM left a little boggled.
Also I am not 100% sure EXACTLY what happened at the end, but maybe the abstract-ness was intentional so YEAH
Also HI FUCKO WOW BEEN A WHILE
GOOD WRITING, KEEP DOING IT, MISSED YOU
Also I hope this means we get to write annora meeting up with El and Key again, my child has CHANGED
Amazingly written, and emotionally powerful - if I were to name one critique, one gripe, it’d be that in favoring Annora’s emotional turmoil, you leave her physically untethered in places - does that make any sense? Even though in the writing, you describe what Annora is doing or experiencing just as often as you write what she’s, er, feeling - it feels almost abstract comparatively, like the physical is sorta...IDK. Detached? The point I GUESS I am trying to make is I felt pretty emotionally connected to Annora in this chapter, but not physically so, in spite of the physical descriptions and the vibrant scene-setting at the start.
/oops i make no sense
I also gotta wonder how...how long has it been, canonically, since Annora saw El n' Keydis? HAS IT REALLY BEEN YEARS? I have literally no sense of time. I can’t tell if the implication is that time flows differently in Annora’s Fun Time Palace of Misery and Magic - and therefore she’s experienced ‘years’ that might not have passed on the outside...or if time passes normally, except Annora kept getting reset so she didnt STARVE TO DEATH A WEEK IN, YA KNOW.
I feel like my brain is also trying to simplify the problem Annora was presented with - because after finishing this, all I thought was “wait so she took years to be like ‘what if...ALL the magic. Instead of four out of five magic?’?” I think the implication is that there was some long-engrained mental block there from her studies and her teachings and maybe something religious, but without goin’ back and doing a deep-dive read of Annora’s chapters/past, I AM left a little boggled.
Also I am not 100% sure EXACTLY what happened at the end, but maybe the abstract-ness was intentional so YEAH
Also HI FUCKO WOW BEEN A WHILE
GOOD WRITING, KEEP DOING IT, MISSED YOU
Also I hope this means we get to write annora meeting up with El and Key again, my child has CHANGED
I harp on atmosphere a lot in my reviews (speaking generally, not specifically of your work), and right away, this chapter shows off why it's so powerful. This seems to fit rather well with the talk of hyperphantasia, as well. Before we ever see Annora, we experience what she's experiencing: cold, clammy tunnels, darkness interspersed with bio luminescent glow, echoes, staleness. We get a sense of sight, sound, feel, even smell and taste. All in a paragraph, a measured introduction that sets the tone.
Then when we do see Annora, her physical countenance emphasizes the effect her surroundings have had on her, even before the bleak reality of her mental state gradually reveals itself throughout the chapter. On the whole, the writing feels quiet but powerful, and it's easy to capture Annora's desperation and resignation at war with one another. From a meta level, I love seeing the rambling about the Vis, things that I know are nonsensical according to the religious teachings that are in place, but which seem potentially obvious from a reader's perspective. A barrier formed from preconceptions that have taken powerful root.
The portrayal of El and Keydis here is haunting because they're so completely out of character there's never a moment when you doubt they're a figment of her imagination, and yet the fact that they're able to provide some comfort, even if only for sounding off ideas to herself, kind of makes me miss the days when we were writing together regularly. For that matter, I miss when I was able to write regularly at all.
This chapter opens up with darkness, cold and stale air, hope lost after literal years of being trapped in a prison with no escape. So the contrast at the end of the chapter, where she begins to feel sympathy for the deities and begins to draw out heat and light from her sword, rekindling her hopes with a promise to return, feels all the more powerful. Looking forward to seeing the rest of her journey, to see how she fans this spark into a flame, and to seeing what changes have been wrought in Annora when all is said and done.
Then when we do see Annora, her physical countenance emphasizes the effect her surroundings have had on her, even before the bleak reality of her mental state gradually reveals itself throughout the chapter. On the whole, the writing feels quiet but powerful, and it's easy to capture Annora's desperation and resignation at war with one another. From a meta level, I love seeing the rambling about the Vis, things that I know are nonsensical according to the religious teachings that are in place, but which seem potentially obvious from a reader's perspective. A barrier formed from preconceptions that have taken powerful root.
The portrayal of El and Keydis here is haunting because they're so completely out of character there's never a moment when you doubt they're a figment of her imagination, and yet the fact that they're able to provide some comfort, even if only for sounding off ideas to herself, kind of makes me miss the days when we were writing together regularly. For that matter, I miss when I was able to write regularly at all.
This chapter opens up with darkness, cold and stale air, hope lost after literal years of being trapped in a prison with no escape. So the contrast at the end of the chapter, where she begins to feel sympathy for the deities and begins to draw out heat and light from her sword, rekindling her hopes with a promise to return, feels all the more powerful. Looking forward to seeing the rest of her journey, to see how she fans this spark into a flame, and to seeing what changes have been wrought in Annora when all is said and done.