Laermont
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Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 406: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part I by Laermont.
Reviewed Week 406: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part I - Feedback
- Thread starter Laermont
- Start date
It is time for Detective Laermont to do do his thing and solve a murder! The opening scene was a nice and brutal intro to the entire thing. Following that we have several fun investigating scenes with Laermont and Calvinia. This is just gathering as much info as possible about the entire situation, such as what is going on with the mystery object that the professor has kept secret?
The Laermont and Calvinia pair is good. Calvinia seems to take on more of the emotional care of the people they are interacting with while Laermont is the more knowledgeable of the two.
It's interesting that we, as readers, know who did it and a bit of why they did it. I suppose the main mystery right now is what the actual purpose of the artifact is. The story does feel well integrated into the history of Araevis. The descriptions of the Yttrius is well done and menacing.
I do notice you mention Laermont's lack of facial expressions a lot during the story. It does come off as repetitive unless I am really supposed to notice the fact that he has no facial expressions for some later reason.
The cut-off point is good. Laermont has an idea on who the suspect may be, and now he's going to check it out. It seems like the action is going to heat up soon.
The Laermont and Calvinia pair is good. Calvinia seems to take on more of the emotional care of the people they are interacting with while Laermont is the more knowledgeable of the two.
It's interesting that we, as readers, know who did it and a bit of why they did it. I suppose the main mystery right now is what the actual purpose of the artifact is. The story does feel well integrated into the history of Araevis. The descriptions of the Yttrius is well done and menacing.
I do notice you mention Laermont's lack of facial expressions a lot during the story. It does come off as repetitive unless I am really supposed to notice the fact that he has no facial expressions for some later reason.
The cut-off point is good. Laermont has an idea on who the suspect may be, and now he's going to check it out. It seems like the action is going to heat up soon.
I will mostly echo Fin's thoughts here. One small stylistic thing I might recommend: instead of telling the readers the name in the opening moments, you could have held that reveal until later when Laermont is on the scene. It feels a little out of place to introduce her as if she'll be a main character when instead she's the inciting incident for the story.