Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 417: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part III by MoonlitRain014.
Reviewed Week 417: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part III - Feedback
- Thread starter MoonlitRain014
- Start date
It's good to get the next part of the story.
Starting out, it's interesting to see more of the dynamics with the bad guys. Even though Yttrius seems competent and is doing all of the work, he hardly gets any respect at all. It really shows off the views of the upper levels of the organization well.
Moving on, Laermont is continuing his job and searching for a way to stop the oncoming disaster. The speech he gave was powerful and heartfelt. I could feel the emotion and his indignation during it. It really gives a more personal connection between Laermont and what is going on.
It's the final part of the section that feels really rushed. There were no words exchanged at all, just a bunch of action and then a hurried arrest of the prime suspect. Was it even Yttrius arrested at all? That's what the prose says, but there was little said or done to confirm it. Only someone was arrested and then that thing happened at the end, so no one currently there knows. Laermont wasn't even there to interact with the person they arrested. It just felt quick.
And it also gave me another thought, not directly related to your story. In most police stories, there comes a time when for some reason or another the main character doesn't have the full support of their forces or some other reason why he has to personally be the one to go there and make an arrest. Having an overwhelming team there, while it does make sense, doesn't feel as dramatic as the main character getting in on the action. Of course, there is a next part, so who knows what will happen?
Starting out, it's interesting to see more of the dynamics with the bad guys. Even though Yttrius seems competent and is doing all of the work, he hardly gets any respect at all. It really shows off the views of the upper levels of the organization well.
Moving on, Laermont is continuing his job and searching for a way to stop the oncoming disaster. The speech he gave was powerful and heartfelt. I could feel the emotion and his indignation during it. It really gives a more personal connection between Laermont and what is going on.
It's the final part of the section that feels really rushed. There were no words exchanged at all, just a bunch of action and then a hurried arrest of the prime suspect. Was it even Yttrius arrested at all? That's what the prose says, but there was little said or done to confirm it. Only someone was arrested and then that thing happened at the end, so no one currently there knows. Laermont wasn't even there to interact with the person they arrested. It just felt quick.
And it also gave me another thought, not directly related to your story. In most police stories, there comes a time when for some reason or another the main character doesn't have the full support of their forces or some other reason why he has to personally be the one to go there and make an arrest. Having an overwhelming team there, while it does make sense, doesn't feel as dramatic as the main character getting in on the action. Of course, there is a next part, so who knows what will happen?
Seeing Laermont's vulnerability was a satisfying addition to his character, and seeing Yttrius' interactions with his co-conspirators raises some intrigue. I wasn't expecting Yttrius to suddenly die, since it felt like you were building toward something bigger for him. Sorry these thoughts are brief, but I don't have much new and novel to add.
I will contrast the last thought of Finny's, though -- while a lone officer going against protocol is a good story, it's one we know too well. Going a different route is a good thing. But Finny's thoughts about lacking tension are true, so when you take that untrod path, you want to be sure you're doing what you can to elevate the story.
I will contrast the last thought of Finny's, though -- while a lone officer going against protocol is a good story, it's one we know too well. Going a different route is a good thing. But Finny's thoughts about lacking tension are true, so when you take that untrod path, you want to be sure you're doing what you can to elevate the story.