Reviewed Week 445: Gathering Shadows - Feedback
- Thread starter Laermont
- Start date
I won't keep harping on the name of the organization, but one thing I am beginning to feel more and more with the organization is that lack of nuance. It's difficult to picture how this particular group can see themselves as righteous, and that makes their delusional behavior hard to understand. It's almost like Saturday morning villains in that they seem to delight in their intolerance instead of denying it or justifying it. It's easy to hate them, but not easy to see them as a realistic threat or as a metaphorical representation of a real issue.
That's a question that you need to ask yourself, though: is this supposed to touch on any particular theme or ideal? Not every story has to, but it's something to keep in mind when you're writing.
Another thing you may want to give more attention to is scene transitions. This chapter has two abrupt scene transitions that just happen, but don't really create a break between them. Make sure to set scenes and indicate the passage of time to avoid confusion for the reader.
That's a question that you need to ask yourself, though: is this supposed to touch on any particular theme or ideal? Not every story has to, but it's something to keep in mind when you're writing.
Another thing you may want to give more attention to is scene transitions. This chapter has two abrupt scene transitions that just happen, but don't really create a break between them. Make sure to set scenes and indicate the passage of time to avoid confusion for the reader.