Naevius Squalidus
Alcohol is a Solution
Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 455: Flimsy Leads by Naevius Squalidus.
Reviewed Week 455: Flimsy Leads - Feedback
- Thread starter Naevius Squalidus
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As I said before when I randomly read this - I hate how good you are at taking a bunch of plots, a bunch of characters, and weaving them together to make a super-fuckin' interesting overarching storyline. IDK how you managed to tie Naevius, Havital, Keydis, Chara, AND EVEN, to a small extent, PERSIUS into your narrative, but here we are.
You wizard.
On a re-read, I can see a COUPLE of small nitpicks that could be made about varying some sentence structure and maybe a little too much passive-voice early on - but considering you done went and wrote yerself out of a writer's block and depression WHILE continuing to truck on through the dramalands that are Keydis's pre-timeskip arc, I really don't think it's anything worth stressin' too much.
As per usual, your descriptions and dialogue are great - just enough to color the scene. Not too wordy, not too vague.
Also, call me crazy, but I can taste the ghost of Sayis in Havital. Just sometimes. Maybe it's the almost world-weary sort of calm confidence and dry snark.
"
"Inspector Vicarious, you certainly live up to the reputation."
"Must be a lousy reputation," he replied drily,
"
YOU KNOW, THIS SHIT
You wizard.
On a re-read, I can see a COUPLE of small nitpicks that could be made about varying some sentence structure and maybe a little too much passive-voice early on - but considering you done went and wrote yerself out of a writer's block and depression WHILE continuing to truck on through the dramalands that are Keydis's pre-timeskip arc, I really don't think it's anything worth stressin' too much.
As per usual, your descriptions and dialogue are great - just enough to color the scene. Not too wordy, not too vague.
Also, call me crazy, but I can taste the ghost of Sayis in Havital. Just sometimes. Maybe it's the almost world-weary sort of calm confidence and dry snark.
"
"Inspector Vicarious, you certainly live up to the reputation."
"Must be a lousy reputation," he replied drily,
"
YOU KNOW, THIS SHIT
This was an intense chapter that certainly put the previous on in a different light. The beginning set the scene well in terms of the history of the location and how it fits into the rest of Terminus. The wretched hive of scum and villainy painted a tone on how the interactions in the rest of the chapter should be viewed through.
The chapter had a bit of everything from an interrogation scene to the realization that something was off with the information Havital has. The feeling of having an incomplete picture was done well along with the cageyness of Naevius. Then came the big action scene, which was punchy and brutal. Imagine the massacre if Thelius had a semiautomatic. I'm surprised the demvir didn't try anything during that fight, and I worry for the two other officers despite having known them for only a few paragraphs.
The chapter had a bit of everything from an interrogation scene to the realization that something was off with the information Havital has. The feeling of having an incomplete picture was done well along with the cageyness of Naevius. Then came the big action scene, which was punchy and brutal. Imagine the massacre if Thelius had a semiautomatic. I'm surprised the demvir didn't try anything during that fight, and I worry for the two other officers despite having known them for only a few paragraphs.
As you know, I enjoy all sorts of intrigues and hidden plots, so I thoroughly enjoyed the read here. I am going to try to take lessons from how you unfolded that story and worked through the angles of the investigation. It was well-done!
I also enjoy the ease and economy of your action writing here. It flowed nicely and created real tension. I am keeping my comments short because I haven't got much more to add other than to say that I'm excited to read more.
I also enjoy the ease and economy of your action writing here. It flowed nicely and created real tension. I am keeping my comments short because I haven't got much more to add other than to say that I'm excited to read more.