Reviewed Week 458: Of Puppets and Permission - Feedback
- Thread starter Laermont
- Start date
The imagery of a puppet was woven into this chapter masterfully. One thing I think would improve it, though, is to not state it openly. The visual impact of Mercuti being lax and then coming to attention, together with the Outside One in the background, does enough to sell the idea without declaring it. Leaving a little room to interpretation allows the reader to imagine possible scenarios. Admittedly, not many alternatives come to mind here, but I'm only one reader.
I like that Lucullus stands his ground (is it pronounced Loo-chull-uss or Loo-sull-us or something different?), and I'm curious what Mercuti and his puppeteer hoped to accomplish with the show. Are they goading the quaestorium to embolden them? We'll have to see, I suppose.
One other minor matter: the steam drays. You make prolific use of them in the story, and inasmuch as they are used by the police forces and workers, they make sense. A 'dray' is a work vehicle, after all. I believe Mercuti would probably carry himself in more style, with a proper carriage owned by TorBru drawn by horses or basilisks, or even an automobile -- he's wealthy enough that I wouldn't question that.
But then, him using the utilitarian steam dray could also be intentionally out of place, just like him storming the quaestorii instead of ordering them to his office.
I like that Lucullus stands his ground (is it pronounced Loo-chull-uss or Loo-sull-us or something different?), and I'm curious what Mercuti and his puppeteer hoped to accomplish with the show. Are they goading the quaestorium to embolden them? We'll have to see, I suppose.
One other minor matter: the steam drays. You make prolific use of them in the story, and inasmuch as they are used by the police forces and workers, they make sense. A 'dray' is a work vehicle, after all. I believe Mercuti would probably carry himself in more style, with a proper carriage owned by TorBru drawn by horses or basilisks, or even an automobile -- he's wealthy enough that I wouldn't question that.
But then, him using the utilitarian steam dray could also be intentionally out of place, just like him storming the quaestorii instead of ordering them to his office.