Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 604: The Great Blight (Prologue) by MoonlitRain014.
Reviewed Week 604: The Great Blight (Prologue) - Feedback
- Thread starter swaswj
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Hm. Was I mistaken about where this takes place..?
Reading back through Shadows 1-3, there are references to Valmoor having misty streets and mouldering tombs, so I thought this to be the Valmoor (aka Vahlmore) that Rob created as the home and kingdom of Rosa. He also called it the City of Blight, and this chapter is the Great Blight, so it again made me think of it. However... that Valmoor is still a living city, shrouded in mist perhaps, preoccupied with necromancy, but neither abandoned nor destroyed. Indeed, if my memory isn't betraying me, Rosa should be in charge of Valmoor at the last point of her story. That city would be to the northwest of Terminus but not quite in the Wastes.
I'll proceed assuming the similarities are coincidence for now.
The perspective here is unique and it took me a little while to find a 'voice' for it in my head. I wouldn't even deign to assign it a perspective. It's somewhere between third and second person, written as if talking to the reader but just indirectly enough to be third-person, perhaps. I don't know if this was the intent, but what I finally settled on was the narration from the Twilight Zone.
The descriptive imagery really fits with that voice and tone, and it feels like an old-timey horror story meant to be told orally, perhaps over the radio. The unusual perspective adds to the disjointed nature and helps build unease, and this feels like a good introduction to something larger. I'm curious to see where you're going with this, and excited to see you writing again.
Reading back through Shadows 1-3, there are references to Valmoor having misty streets and mouldering tombs, so I thought this to be the Valmoor (aka Vahlmore) that Rob created as the home and kingdom of Rosa. He also called it the City of Blight, and this chapter is the Great Blight, so it again made me think of it. However... that Valmoor is still a living city, shrouded in mist perhaps, preoccupied with necromancy, but neither abandoned nor destroyed. Indeed, if my memory isn't betraying me, Rosa should be in charge of Valmoor at the last point of her story. That city would be to the northwest of Terminus but not quite in the Wastes.
I'll proceed assuming the similarities are coincidence for now.
The perspective here is unique and it took me a little while to find a 'voice' for it in my head. I wouldn't even deign to assign it a perspective. It's somewhere between third and second person, written as if talking to the reader but just indirectly enough to be third-person, perhaps. I don't know if this was the intent, but what I finally settled on was the narration from the Twilight Zone.
The descriptive imagery really fits with that voice and tone, and it feels like an old-timey horror story meant to be told orally, perhaps over the radio. The unusual perspective adds to the disjointed nature and helps build unease, and this feels like a good introduction to something larger. I'm curious to see where you're going with this, and excited to see you writing again.