Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 606: Professor Visuri by Deni Perfide.
Reviewed Week 606: Professor Visuri - Feedback
- Thread starter swaswj
- Start date
Apologies for how long this has taken. Together with missing that it was posted for the first week or two, every time I sat down to start reading, something else would rear up and take priority.
The wordcount gave me pause, but this chapter still managed to fly right by. The pacing was handled perfectly; although we have a steady pace at the beginning with Deni and then setting the scene with Tes, once things get moving, everything ramps up fast. I like how you captured the chaos. Tes is also a fun character to read, a good blend of natural instinct but lacking experience and training. Or at least, without lots of training. At times, you can feel there is a method to her combat, a certain competency that alludes to a proper teacher without getting bogged down in describing what it means or where it came from.
I admit to laughing at the debate over Aridan or Aridusian. I'll posit one argument: you call a person from Belarus 'Belarusian' and not 'Belarian.' As long as you don't call them Arian, I think either will do, though.
One small detail I was wondering about. You describe something 'red-black' oozing from a wound on Portcullis. Normally, a demvir will bleed blue -- people even tried to harvest the blood, thinking it was actual caelitium volantis, before realizing it doesn't share the same rare properties and was useless for much else than keeping demvir alive. That and at least one other thing I've had planned for some time. In any case, I see a detail like that, and I'm left to wonder if it's an oversight, or if it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it hint that there's something abnormal about this demvir. Now that he's dead, I suppose narratively it'd be something abnormal about the Abiectas... or just a mix-up.
Building onto the lore and adding to the world-building is pretty much always something I appreciate. Looking forward to how this will intersect with some of the conversations we had. Great chapter and looking forward to more.
The wordcount gave me pause, but this chapter still managed to fly right by. The pacing was handled perfectly; although we have a steady pace at the beginning with Deni and then setting the scene with Tes, once things get moving, everything ramps up fast. I like how you captured the chaos. Tes is also a fun character to read, a good blend of natural instinct but lacking experience and training. Or at least, without lots of training. At times, you can feel there is a method to her combat, a certain competency that alludes to a proper teacher without getting bogged down in describing what it means or where it came from.
I admit to laughing at the debate over Aridan or Aridusian. I'll posit one argument: you call a person from Belarus 'Belarusian' and not 'Belarian.' As long as you don't call them Arian, I think either will do, though.
One small detail I was wondering about. You describe something 'red-black' oozing from a wound on Portcullis. Normally, a demvir will bleed blue -- people even tried to harvest the blood, thinking it was actual caelitium volantis, before realizing it doesn't share the same rare properties and was useless for much else than keeping demvir alive. That and at least one other thing I've had planned for some time. In any case, I see a detail like that, and I'm left to wonder if it's an oversight, or if it's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it hint that there's something abnormal about this demvir. Now that he's dead, I suppose narratively it'd be something abnormal about the Abiectas... or just a mix-up.
Building onto the lore and adding to the world-building is pretty much always something I appreciate. Looking forward to how this will intersect with some of the conversations we had. Great chapter and looking forward to more.