Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 604: The Great Blight - Part 1 by MoonlitRain014.
Pending Week 616: The Great Blight - Part 1 - Feedback
- Thread starter swaswj
- Start date
First impression is that this feels like more of a prologue (or, I should say, the second part of the prologue) than a part 1. We seem to still be setting up the background before the main story begins.
It's good to see more writing from you but there's not a lot of speak on in this chapter. To a degree, I think you're being too coy with things you've already revealed in earlier writing; while these new characters wouldn't know that, as the author, you have the option to position the story to use a reader's assumed prior knowledge to heighten the tension. One such example that comes to mind would be expounding on this line -- After reading the diary of one particular researcher, his mind had been taken up with the horrors the man had described. -- as a short passage from the diary itself, or a more direct moment of the professor reading that package and being affected by it.
To a different degree, though, it feels odd for the professor to be connecting the dots between these eldritch beings and TorBru, particularly in the form of "rumors had swirled." The entities are still mostly unknown, and TorBru has a million other reasons to justify its corruption, so that seems a wide leap without all the information that Laermont has from his personal investigations and close encounters.
These are minor complaints, though, in a search to say more than, "I like where this is going, looking forward to more."
It's good to see more writing from you but there's not a lot of speak on in this chapter. To a degree, I think you're being too coy with things you've already revealed in earlier writing; while these new characters wouldn't know that, as the author, you have the option to position the story to use a reader's assumed prior knowledge to heighten the tension. One such example that comes to mind would be expounding on this line -- After reading the diary of one particular researcher, his mind had been taken up with the horrors the man had described. -- as a short passage from the diary itself, or a more direct moment of the professor reading that package and being affected by it.
To a different degree, though, it feels odd for the professor to be connecting the dots between these eldritch beings and TorBru, particularly in the form of "rumors had swirled." The entities are still mostly unknown, and TorBru has a million other reasons to justify its corruption, so that seems a wide leap without all the information that Laermont has from his personal investigations and close encounters.
These are minor complaints, though, in a search to say more than, "I like where this is going, looking forward to more."