GM Review Thread

[Nargles]

Some smaller things that I wanted to change in my TA which have been pestering me~

With my Silent Intermission ability, the first paragraph of the ability is really a form thing, where Ciro gets a nice weapon and snazzy clothes. The second part is, I wanted to reduce the cost of memory wipe from 5% per use to 2% and ditch the debuff, because it really isn't helping, instead replacing it with more of a conceptual, traumatizing one.

Old Ability

Musei Makuai - "Silent Intermission":
Each Tarot card holds a fragment of his memories. As such, each husk is by extension, a piece of Ciro’s soul. Calling upon his old puppeteering abilities, he can create a reishi threads from each of his fingers, allowing to link himself up with one of the empty puppets. Unlike his old abilities, where he controlled the servants, he has now learned to become one of them. He can merge his physical body with the body of the being, taking the form of it instead. A weapon is created in Ciro’s hands the moment that he merges with the being. The merger with the puppet is not an armor, so wounds done to the puppet are the same as if they are done to Ciro. He can freely change which puppet shell he is in, but doing so does not heal any wounds that he has taken, instead all the wounds are transferred to the new shell, and by extension Ciro himself.

Due to each puppet representing his own memories, when merging with the puppet, he gains control over his opponent’s memories as well. By expending 5% of his reiatsu per strike, with each successful strike to his opponent, he is able to wipe a memory from their subconscious, with the happiest memories the first to be erased. Ciro can circumvent this requirement if needed and choose specific memories to wipe. Similar, but stronger than, the effects of the highest grade memory-chikan, the memories are locked away; however, outside influences may trigger the locked memory, causing the person to remember it. This repeated long term damage wears down their opponent’s pysche, hampering their ability to fight. Each strike reduces their main combat stat by the amount paid in maxing at 30%. The debuff caused by each strike lasts 3 turns before waring off.

New Ability

Musei Makuai - "Silent Intermission":
Due to each puppet representing his own memories, when merging with the puppet, he gains control over his opponent’s memories as well. By expending 2% of his reiatsu per strike, with each successful strike to his opponent, he is able to wipe a memory from their subconscious, with the happiest memories the first to be erased. Ciro can circumvent this requirement if needed and choose specific memories to wipe. Similar, but stronger than, the effects of the highest grade memory-chikan, the memories are locked away; however, outside influences may trigger the locked memory, causing the person to remember it. This repeated long term damage wears down their opponent’s pysche, hampering their ability to fight. Each strike repeatedly assaults the very personality of the target, which in turn drastically effects their body. This further psychological pain is compounded, as with each memory disappearing, the physical features of body begin to fade until reaching the same, empty white shell as his puppets.

New Form

Form:
Initially, there is no outward change to Ciro’s appearance. Crimson sparks of reiatsu snap, as he activates the full extent of his abilities appear around him. Every one of Ciro’s Tarot cards levitate from his deck, creating an enormous ring around Ciro and his combatants. The radius of this ring is equal to the radius of Bachiatari Makuake. Projected from each card, humanoid figures representing each card stand along the circumference. Each being is in a gray-scale, golden banners wrapping around their eyes as blindfold. On each banner, the name of the Card is etched into it. Each figure is an white empty shell, standing still and unmoving like puppets. Every once in a while, the puppet may repeat words Ciro has said in complete unison. These phantasms are not completely physical, and cannot affect the combatants in anyway. The final part of this devilish puppet theater is the quiet sound of an out-of-tune music box playing over the battlefield.

Each Tarot card holds a fragment of his memories. As such, each husk is by extension, a piece of Ciro’s soul. Calling upon his old puppeteering abilities, he can create a reishi threads from each of his fingers, allowing to link himself up with one of the empty puppets. Unlike his old abilities, where he controlled the servants, he has now learned to become one of them. He can merge his physical body with the body of the being, taking the form of it instead. A weapon is created in Ciro’s hands the moment that he merges with the being. The merger with the puppet is not an armor, so wounds done to the puppet are the same as if they are done to Ciro. He can freely change which puppet shell he is in, but doing so does not heal any wounds that he has taken, instead all the wounds are transferred to the new shell, and by extension Ciro himself.

_____________
Finally, for my last TA ability, when I look at it, it doesn't really have a tangible effect other than lolz we has teamwork. The whole blindspot thing could easily be overcame with Ciro simply shouting at the person he's controlling. Because of that, I wanted to add an actual effect to it.

Old Ability

Youkai Shuukyoku - "Phantom Finale":
Though he almost never places full trust in an ally, Ciro has learned that sometimes it is necessary for success in battle. By paying 5% of his reiatsu, Ciro can create another set of reishi threads from each of his finger tips. With the consent of the target, he can link the strings up to a person he has United Front with. When this occurs, he gains control over the movements of each of the person’s limbs, allowing him to manipulate them in ways that they may not naturally be able to do.

If the target’s weight is below the amount he can lift with the AH base technique Internalize, he is able to lift them up into the air with his superhuman strength. When Ciro is freely able to control their limbs he can quickly cover for the target’s blind spots and manipulate them accordingly. This control remains for up to 4 turns before dissolving; however, it can be canceled earlier if needed. He can only link up to 1 person at a time.

New Version

Youkai Shuukyoku - "Phantom Finale":
Though he almost never places full trust in an ally, Ciro has learned that sometimes it is necessary for success in battle. By paying 5% of his reiatsu, Ciro can create another set of reishi threads from each of his finger tips. With the consent of the target, he can link the strings up to a person he has United Front with. When this occurs, he gains control over the movements of each of the person’s limbs, allowing him to manipulate them in ways that they may not naturally be able to do.

If the target’s weight is below the amount he can lift with the AH base technique Internalize, he is able to lift them up into the air with his superhuman strength. When Ciro is freely able to control their limbs he can quickly cover for the target’s blind spots and manipulate them accordingly. This control remains for up to 4 turns before dissolving; however, it can be canceled earlier if needed. He can only link up to 1 person at a time. When linked to a person, the controlled target gains the ability to lift and apply half of what Ciro can lift with the Internalize base technique.

 

[swaswj]

Both changes Approved.

Also, as a note, as written that tech could be used to manipulate someone who couldn't move themselves, similar to Ishida's Ransou Tengai.

 

[Abbey Rose]

Just a personal issue I wanted to point out with my trained feat.

Kuro Heisetsu

[Kuro Heisetsu]
Type: Trained
Description:
Sometimes, a vizard takes too long to fight their hollow or lets the hollow gain too strong of a foothold on their soul. The encroachment on their soul grew too strong, and as a result, the connection between them and their inner hollow is stronger than most. With the proper training, this strengthened bond can grant its wielder even more power. Be wary, however, for accessing this bond increases the rate at which the hollow takes control of its owner’s body.

With this, a vizard may temporarily increase their rage production, increasing it from 10% to 15% for four turns. However, during this time, any rage spent produces double the emptiness, and the user must remain masked while Kuro Heisetsu is active.

As it stands, this just doesn’t seem like it is worth a feat slot to me. The drawbacks here (double emptiness for four turns, specifically) seem to outweigh the benefits, which is something I’m pretty sure a feat should not do. The original submission (10% extra rage per turn) was clearly worth the drawbacks, and even added a layer of....I guess you’d call it strategy, as you almost had to use some of the rage in order to keep it under 100%. With the decrease in rage benefit, the emptiness change seems to take any benefits for the feat away.

NEW Kuro Heisetsu

[Kuro Heisetsu]
Type: Trained
Description:
Sometimes, a vizard takes too long to fight their hollow or lets the hollow gain too strong of a foothold on their soul. The encroachment on their soul grew too strong, and as a result, the connection between them and their inner hollow is stronger than most. With the proper training, this strengthened bond can grant its wielder even more power. Be wary, however, for accessing this bond increases the rate at which the hollow takes control of its owner’s body.

With this, a vizard may temporarily increase their rage production, increasing it from 10% to 15% for four turns. The user must remain masked while Kuro Heisetsu is active.

As such, this is what I propose. Just simply doing away with the emptiness doubling.

 

[swaswj]

In truth, I'd like to review emptiness gain itself. Right now, it's not a credible risk factor, allowing a vizard to wear their mask for several full fights rather than using it strategically.

That being said, +50% to your rage gain is significant and doubling the emptiness gains is fair for that. Leaving the feat as it is.

 

[K3]

Due to recent revelations (from a certain know-it-all) about the nature of impact force, I've decided to GM review one of the branch techniques from "Shindou" for improvement. Namely "Fudoumyouou".

Current Version

|Level Three: Fudoumyouou|
The pinnacle of strength achievable by Shindou, manifested by the expression of an immovable object, Fudoumyouou. Bridging the gap between velocity and force via reiatsu, the practitioner now learns to apply that into a direct attack.

Sacrificing the combined bonuses to their Combat and Agility stats and paying equivalent reiatsu to the sum of them, the user of Fudoumyouou unleashes a single, devastating strike capable of being expressed as 50 lbs of force per 200 reiatsu behind the blow. Unlike the normal use of Internalize, this weight is translated into direct damage potential, able to pulverize through even spiritual bodies.

=================================

Proposed Version

|Level Three: Fudoumyouou|
The pinnacle of strength achievable by Shindou, manifested by the expression of an immovable object, Fudoumyouou. Bridging the gap between velocity and force via reiatsu, the practitioner now learns to apply that into a direct attack.

Sacrificing the combined bonuses to their Combat and Agility stats and paying equivalent reiatsu to the sum of them, the user of Fudoumyouou unleashes a single, devastating strike capable of being expressed as 250 lbs of force per 100 reiatsu behind the blow. Unlike the normal use of Internalize, this weight is translated into direct damage potential, able to pulverize through even spiritual bodies.

================================
Statistically, 900 lbs of direct force gives one, by boxing definition, a knockout punch. A championship boxer is capable of applying up to 1250 lbs of impact force per punch, far above what this supposedly 'destructive' ability is putting out for people up to and above the level of those using it (namely, Hiren and myself).

With the given changes, not only would the amount of force increase exponentially (thus attaining the desired effect for the technique) but would more realistically portray an Advent Human's acclaimed 'extreme strength'.

Full Feat (as per request)

|Shindou|
The result of shunning all refined arts of combat in favour of creating a single, brutal way to wreak destruction, Shindou’s name means exactly what it says. It takes speed and force, and then combines the two into a seamless manner of attacking. Defence is forsaken by it, made entirely for the purpose of crushing an opponent. The learning of any techniques of Shindou require training with a master of all its techniques, a separate occasion of training for each technique being required.

|Level One: Shinpo|
At its core, Shindou relies on the person’s ability to gather and retain speed at all times. Thus, the first principle of its practitioners is ‘Shinpo’, named for a parody of the Shinigami technique, Shunpo. For every turn that the user of this fighting style is in motion, and retains that motion, they gain a cumulative 3% bonus to their Agility stat, maxing at 9%. This ability costs 2% of the user’s reiatsu per turn to maintain.

|Level Two: Shuuren|
Having adhered to the core principles of Shinpo, the next step in Shindou forms the basis of its application in combat. Once momentum is gained, the next goal is to apply that momentum to their own strength, using their reiatsu as a means to bridge that gap.

As such, the user of Shuuren can apply the same bonus gained via Shinpo to their Combat stat. This boost is not cumulative, but can be increased up to the maximum amount of bonus that Shinpo is capable of gaining. Both Shinpo and Shuuren may each have a maximum buff of 9% simultanieously. Each shift costs 2% of the user’s reiatsu, but remains throughout the battle.

|Level Three: Fudoumyouou|
The pinnacle of strength achievable by Shindou, manifested by the expression of an immovable object, Fudoumyouou. Bridging the gap between velocity and force via reiatsu, the practitioner now learns to apply that into a direct attack.

Sacrificing the combined bonuses to their Combat and Agility stats and paying equivalent reiatsu to the sum of them, the user of Fudoumyouou unleashes a single, devastating strike capable of being expressed as 50 lbs of force per 200 reiatsu behind the blow. Unlike the normal use of Internalize, this weight is translated into direct damage potential, able to pulverize through even spiritual bodies. The knockback from Internalize is amplified, sending the target flying backwards up to 25 meters away.

 

[swaswj]

Since we don't have mechanics to translate pounds of force into damage, it's a mistake to have introduced that third technique without such parameters to begin with. Since we're talking about characters that are regularly able to accept blows from monstrous hollows, it's safe to say that the amount of force necessary for a human to knock out a human is a rather low benchmark.

In this case, I'm not only rejecting the change, but also calling for a revision or replacement for the third tech. So, until a suitable change is made, you may only use the first two tiers of that feat.

 

[Several Zombies]

Tweaking my first TA ability. The concept is mostly down; the amounts can be buffed or nerved as needed.

Current

Ability: Taryoukyou no Zoufukuki - “Prismatic Amplifier”

At the cost of between 5 and 15% of the user’s reiatsu, any attacks attacks fired though the prismatic plate's orange side are boosted by an equal amount. In addition, the prism also boosts the magnitude of the ability, physically increasing the area covered by an attack. For example, if one were to fire 'Byakurai' into the prism, the spells blast radius would be expanded to the diameter of the prism (small attack goes in, big attack comes out). The prism also has a unique effect on Orpheus' ammunition. If, for example, a Pyre round was fired through the prism, the outgoing attack would be manifested as a pillar of fire instead of a simple bullet.

Revised

Ability: Taryoukyou no Zoufukuki - “Prismatic Amplifier”

The primary ability of Masato’s Chimera-born Awakening is amplification. After activation, by paying 5% of his reiatsu, the next attack to pass through the prism will have it’s damage output increased by 20% of it’s total. If it strikes, the following attack will be boosted by 40%. If the second attack hits its mark, the bonus increases to 60% and so on in this fashion, to a maximum of 300% damage. If an attack misses, or Masato does not attack for two turns, the stacked buff is lost. In addition, with each stack of the amplifier, the magnitude of the attack is increased. For example, if one were to fire 'Byakurai' into the prism, the spells blast radius would be expanded along with the damage. The prism also has a unique effect on Orpheus' ammunition. If, for example, a Pyre round was fired through the prism, the outgoing attack would be manifested as a pillar of fire instead of a simple bullet.

 

[swaswj]

Denied.
​

I really don't think I should have to explain this one.

 

[Eidolon]

Submitting my grade this week.

Reawakening: (59/63)

I spoke too soon on the saving of a kitten...

Dammit Van > *Violently whips kitten with claws out at Van's face and punt them both into on-coming highway traffic* you and you elongated ellipses. I am at a lost for words of your constant
torture of ellipses u_u you sir are disappoint. That is all...

PS note the PERFECT ELLIPSIS at the end of that sentence.


Why? I'm not kidding when I say this is a recognized style. http://www.apastyle.org/ or http://www.uhv.edu/ac/style/pdf/Using.Ellipsis.in.APA.pdf This is how I am mandated to write for my job. It translates to my HD writing, but most importantly, its an official style. Spaces between periods in an ellipsis is how my publications get approved. Official style = no reason to lower a grade.

 

[swaswj]

Submitting my grade this week.

Reawakening: (59/63)

I spoke too soon on the saving of a kitten...

Dammit Van > *Violently whips kitten with claws out at Van's face and punt them both into on-coming highway traffic* you and you elongated ellipses. I am at a lost for words of your constant
torture of ellipses u_u you sir are disappoint. That is all...

PS note the PERFECT ELLIPSIS at the end of that sentence.


Why? I'm not kidding when I say this is a recognized style. http://www.apastyle.org/ or http://www.uhv.edu/ac/style/pdf/Using.Ellipsis.in.APA.pdf This is how I am mandated to write for my job. It translates to my HD writing, but most importantly, its an official style. Spaces between periods in an ellipsis is how my publications get approved. Official style = no reason to lower a grade.

I'm not accepting a GM review for a grade. That being said, let's discuss:

APA style is intended for use in research papers and strictly technical purposes. Citing APA style for creative writing is a little like citing the rules for rummy when you're playing poker.

However, whether ... or . . . an ellipsis is technically correct. An ellipsis is only incorrect if it is comprised of less than three or more than three periods.

For the purposes of the RP, though, which fully bases its progression on wordcount, the proper way to use ellipses should be the following:

"I wouldn't know... after all, I'm still new at this."

This counts as 10 words. That is the number of actual words in the sentence.

"I wouldn't know...after all, I'm still new at this."

This only counts as 9 words. You lose one by putting no spaces at all with the ellipsis.

"I wouldn't know ... after all, I'm still new at this."

This counts as 11 words.

"I wouldn't know . . . after all, I'm still new at this."

This counts as 13 words.

For each APA style ellipsis you use, you are adding three words to your actual count. If used sparingly this has no impact in the effective grade, but if used extensively, you can see how it can become problematic.

Regardless, I will not accept GM reviews for grades. This is something for you to handle, civilly, between yourself and your grader. I think with the above information, you both can come to an understanding of each other.

PS: As an added note, the "perfect ellipsis" is incorrect. If an ellipsis is used at the end of a sentence, you still need to close the sentence.

That is all....

Note that the ellipsis is comprised of the red periods. The fourth period is to close the sentence. An ellipsis is not an acceptable punctuation to end a sentence.

You may notice in my own writing, I tend to use ..! or ..? fairly often. Strictly speaking, this is also incorrect (the correct ways to use these are ...? and ...!), but I use them as a stylistic choice.

PPS: As long as we're on the subject, there is no 'correct' way to utilize ellipses in prose or fiction. Technically, ellipses are meant for omission, not to denote silence or an extended pause. Using them in this way is capitalizing on the visual aspect of writing, by creating an extended visual pause to symbolize a delay, pause, or gap that is too significant for a comma.

 

[bankzu]

Original ability posted

Kagesochi - "Shadow Step”

Kyoujin’s abilities are complementary to the art of assassination. Remaining unnoticed, striking swiftly, silently, and leaving without a trace. All of these principles are core to Kyoujin's modus operandi. Kagesochi in particular is a prime example of why Eiji’s Zanpakutou excels at silent killing. At the cost of 2% of his reiatsu per use, Eiji can enter a nearby shadow and move to another almost instantly. Conversely, he can also remain hidden within the shadow; though his reiatsu signature is not cloaked. The range of the movement is equal to one meter for every 100 points in Hohou and can be used one time per round -- gaining an additional use every 2000 reiatsu to a maximum of five uses.

Kagesochi - "Shadow Step”

Kyoujin’s abilities are complementary to the art of assassination. Remaining unnoticed, striking swiftly, silently, and leaving without a trace. All of these principles are core to Kyoujin's modus operandi. Kagesochi in particular is a prime example of why Eiji’s Zanpakutou excels at silent killing. At the cost of 2% of his reiatsu per use, Eiji can enter a nearby shadow and move to another almost instantly. The speed of movement is determined at 1.5 times his hohou stat and he can travel up to 50m per step. Conversely, he can also remain hidden within the shadow; though his reiatsu signature is not cloaked. Although any damage to that specific shadow will reach him if he remains idle.

~
​

Dragan - Resubmit We see the edit for ability 1, and its a good start. But something to keep in mind: if you're going to get a significant buff to your move speed, its going to need at least a 3 round cool down. Reason being is we do not want people with 'get out of jail free' type abilities they can just spam.

~

Okay so this ability got denied cause it's to powerful. But then there is a Bakudou that does the same thing, no cooldown (it has an incantation, but it's a Kidou, and Kai's are supposed to be stronger than those) and it's got longer range.

The Kidou:

Step of Shadows

Step of Shadows - Bakudou #67, 1350 KidouDescription: After chanting this kidou, the user steps into an area of shadows that is bigger than they are, and comes out of the shadows in a different area. The shadow must be of an object and not of a person, including their own shadow. If the person is unfamiliar with the area, they are limited to what they can see, either by their own sight or by the use of kidou. If they know the area well, they can travel up to 100m.

Incantation: Portals of the neutral world, lend your use to me! Allow me to step through your lands freely! Bakudou #67, Step of Shadows!

The cost is not much of a problem, I'd be willing to up that. And also - "The shadow must be of an object and not of a person, including their own shadow." - is something I would be able to use there for it. (Thanks Lil and Sene).

So should I really get denied all the time?
​

 

[swaswj]

The cost is the problem, it appears. You state 2% while the Bakudou, along with having an incantation, requires 1350 reiatsu.

1350 is 2% of 67.5k. So, if you were to do the same thing for that cost, it'd essentially be at the level of myself, Sayis.

Thus the suggestion of a cooldown, allowing you to keep the cost low, the effect strong, but limiting you in how often you can use it. Keep in mind, your edit also allows you to hide in the shadow, rather than just teleporting.

In any case, I can't do an official GM review on just one ability. If you want me to review a denied kai, then you need to post the entire thing. A kai is supposed to be stronger than a kidou, true, but not every ability in a kai is going to be at the level of a 3-4 slot kidou, especially when you're just starting out. It has to be balanced all together and I have to judge it not just on what one ability can do, but on what they can all do in tandem.

 

[bankzu]

Original ability posted

Kagesochi - “Shadow Step”

Kyoujin’s abilities are complementary to the art of assassination. Remaining unnoticed, striking swiftly, silently, and leaving without a trace. All of these principles are core to Kyoujin's modus operandi. Kagesochi in particular is a prime example of why Eiji’s Zanpakutou excels at silent killing. At the cost of 5% of his reiatsu per use, Eiji can enter a nearby shadow and move to another almost instantly. Conversely, he can also remain hidden within the shadow; though his reiatsu signature is not cloaked. The range of the movement is equal to one meter for every 100 points in Hohou and can be used one time per round -- gaining an additional use every 2000 reiatsu to a maximum of five uses.

Kagesochi - “Shadow Step”

Kyoujin’s abilities are complementary to the art of assassination. Remaining unnoticed, striking swiftly, silently, and leaving without a trace. All of these principles are core to Kyoujin's modus operandi. Kagesochi in particular is a prime example of why Eiji’s Zanpakutou excels at silent killing. At the cost of 2% of his reiatsu per use, Eiji can enter a nearby shadow and move to another almost instantly. The speed of movement is determined at 1.5 times his hohou stat and he can travel up to 50m per step. Conversely, he can also remain hidden within the shadow; though his reiatsu signature is not cloaked. Although any damage to that specific shadow will reach him if he remains idle.

Higureiken - “Dusk Blade”

Kyoujin's skills work synergistically with each other, ensuring that every strike deals the greatest possible damage in the shortest amount of time; a good assassin works fast, after all. Higureiken accomplishes this much-desired synergy by passively imbuing Eiji’s blade with reiatsu whenever Kagesochi is active. When striking an opponent from the shadows, Eiji’s attacks gain bonus damage equal to 15% of his Hakuda (this stacks with the existing damage from melee attacks). Each attack dealt by Higureken costs Eiji 15% of his hakuda in reiatsu.

~
​

Dragan - Resubmit We see the edit for ability 1, and its a good start. But something to keep in mind: if you're going to get a significant buff to your move speed, its going to need at least a 3 round cool down. Reason being is we do not want people with 'get out of jail free' type abilities they can just spam.

~

Okay so this ability got denied cause it's to powerful. But then there is a Bakudou that does the same thing, no cooldown (it has an incantation, but it's a Kidou, and Kai's are supposed to be stronger than those) and it's got longer range.

The Kidou:

Step of Shadows

Step of Shadows - Bakudou #67, 1350 KidouDescription: After chanting this kidou, the user steps into an area of shadows that is bigger than they are, and comes out of the shadows in a different area. The shadow must be of an object and not of a person, including their own shadow. If the person is unfamiliar with the area, they are limited to what they can see, either by their own sight or by the use of kidou. If they know the area well, they can travel up to 100m.

Incantation: Portals of the neutral world, lend your use to me! Allow me to step through your lands freely! Bakudou #67, Step of Shadows!

The cost is not much of a problem, I'd be willing to up that. And also - "The shadow must be of an object and not of a person, including their own shadow." - is something I would be able to use there for it. (Thanks Lil and Sene).

Okay so I added all the abilities this time.
​

 

[swaswj]

I didn't ask for just the abilities. I asked for the entire kai. To speed things up, I'll just go to your submission.

Same comments as before stand. There's an inherent difference between the kidou and the kai ability. When a person has enough kidou (1350) they are able to cast the spell once. Kidou threshold limits that. To cast a second time requires 1800 kidou and then it would be the only two spells cast. So, when you say the spell "has no cooldown" it's really not taking into account how limited the uses are until the use has much higher kidou stat.

The cost itself, as stated before, is significantly higher than the 2% you're proposing, which would allow you to use the ability 50 times. So here we go:

暗殺者の短剣​

[SIZE=+1]Kyoujin[/SIZE]
"Assasin's Dagger"


​

Release Phrase

Kage no you ni Shizuka - Kyoujin
"Silent like a shadow -- Assassin's Dagger"

Manifestation

Appearing to be an elderly man, Kyoujin looks a lot like Eiji. His buff body makes him look just like the brute that is his owner. The elder man is almost completely bald, except for the pony-tail that runs from the back of his head down to his shoulders. Just like his hair, the grand beard that he let grow has a bright white color. Wearing a shihakushou just like the dark-haired shinigami, Kyoujin is probably an older version of Eiji.

Reference Picture

View attachment 2232

Inner World

Kyoujin resides in a small grassy area that only has a few trees and a tiny house as decoration. The house is somewhat smaller than a one bedroom apartment and is where the spirit resides. Both the grass and the leaves give off a bright green color.

Form Change

After releasing his zanpakutou, it completely vanishes. By grabbing the hilt with both hands, the young shinigami utters the release phrase and Kyoujin is released. The katana transforms into a pair of katar that the boy wears on each hand.

The weapon turns into a tri-blade, with two longer blades to the sides, and a shorter one in the middle.

Reference Picture

View attachment 2231

Abilities

Kagesochi - "Shadow Step"

Kyoujin's abilities are complementary to the art of assassination. Remaining unnoticed, striking swiftly, silently, and leaving without a trace. All of these principles are core to Kyoujin's modus operandi. Kagesochi in particular is a prime example of why Eiji's zanpakutou excels at silent killing. At the cost of 5% of his reiatsu per use, Eiji can enter a nearby shadow and move to another almost instantly. Each step is instant and can traverse up to 50m per turn. Kyoujin must wait two turns to perform another Kagesochi.

Higureiken - "Dusk Blade"

Kyoujin's skills work synergistically with each other, ensuring that every strike deals the greatest possible damage in the shortest amount of time; a good assassin works fast, after all. Higureiken accomplishes this much-desired synergy by passively imbuing Eiji's blade with reiatsu whenever Kagesochi is active. When striking an opponent from the shadows, Eiji's attacks gain bonus damage equal to 15% of his Hakuda (this stacks with the existing damage from melee attacks). Each attack dealt by Higureken costs Eiji 15% of his hakuda in reiatsu

With the above edits, the shadow step is instant, and can use any shadow (including his own), but at a cost of 5% rei and a cooldown of two turns. Kyoujin cannot stay inside a shadow. This would allow you to use it every third turn in a fight, relying on Shunpo or even the kidou version for those other two turns. Allowing the use of his own shadow allows for certain strategic applications such as placing a light source at his back.

 

[Beaks]

This is the kind of crap I come up with when you leave me to my own devices for a month.

Empowered Feat
Requirements: 2 Feat Slots to equip, 1 Spec Point to submit. Character must be a minimum of 5,000 Reiatsu.
Description: While unique feats may be powerful in their own right, a character that gains access to learn an Empowered Feat has stepped into a greater echelon of power and focus. By sacrificing an additional feat slot to equip the skill, a player may submit for review a feat that is on par with a Shi Kai or equivalent release.

Misc Canon Changelog:
Changing Exotic Sealed Form (Can pay for it again if need be)
Aura Of The Righteous Devil: Black fire is now white
Ragnarok, Lord of Calamity: Right arm now appears no different from her left, all effects remain the same.

 

[swaswj]

This is the kind of crap I come up with when you leave me to my own devices for a month.

Empowered Feat
Requirements: 2 Feat Slots to equip, 1 Spec Point to submit. Character must be a minimum of 5,000 Reiatsu.
Description: While unique feats may be powerful in their own right, a character that gains access to learn an Empowered Feat has stepped into a greater echelon of power and focus. By sacrificing an additional feat slot to equip the skill, a player may submit for review a feat that is on par with a Shi Kai or equivalent release.

Misc Canon Changelog:
Changing Exotic Sealed Form (Can pay for it again if need be)
Aura Of The Righteous Devil: Black fire is now white
Ragnarok, Lord of Calamity: Right arm now appears no different from her left, all effects remain the same.

Empowered Feats... denied. Feats are strong enough as they are and even if you're sacrificing two slots, I don't think this would work out very easily. There would also come a lot of debates over how many slots feats should have.

You only have to pay for Exotic Sealed Form once.

White fire, thumbs up.

As for her arm... give it some visual difference. This is an S-rank item, it should have some presence. I'm fine with toning down the monstrousness of it, but it should still be something special and visible.

 

[Abbey Rose]

Just wantin a real quick change on visual aspect of item​

Item

Name: Vaettfang (Battlefield)
Tier: C
Description: Vaettfang is not viewable by the naked eye. It is a self propagating micro-organism in the bloodstream, and the only evidence that it is even still there is the chill that infected blood acquires when it leaves a person’s body.​

Ability: Vaettfang’s name is derived from the power it grants the wielder. By paying 500 reiatsu, he can physically manifest a portion of his inner world, creating a storm of wind and ice that wraps around an 8 meter area. This storm singles out Griffin and one other person that he chooses. Those chosen will find that the wind is solid if they attempt to leave the area, voluntarily or otherwise, but other people are free to enter and leave as they please. People outside the storm cannot see anything inside of it and vice-versa. The storm lasts for 3 turns or until it is destroyed.​

Acquisition: Griffin was forcibly infected with Vaettfang in a cruel experiment by Feng in an attempt to create a virus that could infect a zanpakutou through contact with its owner. Though it was ultimately deemed a failure, the Norseman kept the virus in his system due to the unique powers it provided him.​

Changes

Description: Vaettfang is not viewable by the naked eye. It is a self propagating micro-organism in the bloodstream. It causes the blood itself to remain blue even when oxygenated, and makes it as cold as ice.​

 

[swaswj]

Darn blue bloods...

Approved.

 

[Beaks]

As for her arm... give it some visual difference. This is an S-rank item, it should have some presence. I'm fine with toning down the monstrousness of it, but it should still be something special and visible. [/COLOR]

Visual Description: Red Seals travel down the Captain's right arm in a vertical line, one on her shoulder, one on her upper arm, one on her forearm, and one on her wrist. Between these seals Red Bands wrap around the Captain's arm horizontally. These markings pulse periodically when Tsubaki regains Reiatsu from use of Ragnarok.

 

[Chiisu]

Just a simple name/form change for my shikai. Ability is staying the same, though the description will change a wee bit. Thanks in advance!

Ankathia - Thorns

Release Phrase: Bind the body and pierce the soul, Ankathia.

Form: Ankathia takes the form of a whip. The handle is slightly longer than the hilt of the sealed katana. The whip itself is dark green, having all the appearance of a vine, and reaches about eight feet in length. It is otherwise unremarkable.

Attack: Κενό Μάτια - Empty Eyes (Keno Matia)
Ankathia contains a powerful poison within. At a cost of 5% of Sébastien’s reiatsu, this ability causes countless thorns to sprout along the whip. Anyone scratched or pierced by these thorns is injected with the Keno Matia poison. The venom quickly spready through the body with no ill effect, until it reaches the brain, whereupon it disrupts the connection to the optic nerve, leaving hte target blind for three turns. After the third turn, the victim goes into a recovery phase for two turns, where the body finishes removing the poison. This causes them to be immune to the poison for those two turns.

Bastien himself is immune to this poison, though it does not otherwise discriminate between friend and foe, affecting each equally. The victim can forcefully expel the poison from their body by paying a cost in reiatsu equal to what Bastien paid, purging the poison prematurely. This ends the blinding effects of the poison, automatically sending the victim to the recovery rounds.

Becomes:

天法 - Tenpou - Divine Law

Release Phrase: Handan o watase, Tenpou. (Pass judgement, Tenpou.)

Form: After speaking the release phrase, Sébastien holds his zanpakutou in front of him, parallel to the ground. It begins to glow softly before releasing a bright flash of orange light. When the light fades, Bastien is left holding a halberd, six feet in length. The shaft is made of oak, though has all the strength of a zanpakutou in shikai form. Here is a reference to the axe blade and spear.

Ability: By paying 5% of his total reiatsu, Bastien can coat the bladed portion of Tenpou with a special, reiatsu based neuro-toxin. Any time the weapon cuts or pierces an opponent, the toxin seeps into their body The toxin quickly spreads through the body with no ill effect, until it reaches the brain, whereupon it disrupts the connection to the optic nerve, leaving the target blind for three turns. After the third turn, the victim goes into a recovery phase for two turns, where the body finishes removing the poison. This causes them to be immune to the poison for those two turns.

Bastien himself is immune to the toxin, though it does not otherwise discriminate between friend and foe, affecting each equally. The victim can forcefully expel the poison from their body by paying a cost in reiatsu equal to what Bastien paid, purging the poison prematurely. This ends the blinding effects of the poison, automatically sending the victim to the recovery rounds.