I'm getting Cerberus vibes from this Chapter. Anyway, solid stage setting stuff. It seemed pretty light reading mainly because it was split into two separate sections. It read more like 2 separate vignettes instead of a full chapter. That being said, that was good establishing work. I think a bit more work could have been put in terms of the description of the settings. Especially on the second half where it hits 'meanwhile on the on the other side of the continent'. The world is so big that continents can have such geographical changes from side to side that it left the second half happening in this black box that it was difficult to get immersed.
That being said, solid entry work on this arc. I'm wondering how long it'll take until you can't help capitalizing Chairman like me.
Honor Among Thieves [115/118]
Please make sure that when you're posting a collab you remove the double paragraph breaks between each paragraph. That tends to happen when you c/p in a WYSIWYG editor. It kind of just breaks everything up weirdly and makes in hard to read.
More scene setting really in this collab. I mentioned it earlier with a previous collab you wrote with Finny, but I really hope you work on taking more a lead in these collabs. A lot of your turns were:
[Furi says something]
[Aeria responds with 'you said' -what Furi just said-!]
It was a bit... echo-y? The banter was pretty good but it was really driven by Furi so it played more as call and response which made the thing read a bit one-sided. That being said, Aeria's responses were far more... grounded than what she was getting from Furi which read almost nauseatingly cringe-y at moments. Considering often what you had to work with were comments basically out of an 80s Stallone flick as interpreted by a millennial deviant art member, you tempered your responses with some actually believable dialogue. Let's see where the payoff goes!
Finny:
Chilly Point [152/152]
I could literally read a novel of nothing but Amanita getting annoyed at people and calling them plebs. It's quite nice that even though for all intents and purposes I should actively be rooting against her, I really enjoy reading her. This kind of comes off as one of those weird kids TV shows where the unlikable, rude character by golly will make a friend or two by the end of it, regardless if she wants to or not.
She shows a lot of power from her small interactions with people. Just bullying and bossing them around and being so headstrong is a delight to read. With all these plebs meeting up with her, is she going to go on a crusade to reform these downtrodden fools while also teaching them about style?
