Grading Session for Week 27

[Redfin]

The grading groups and their graders are currently as follows:

[Ca] Castus - Raph

Cheese
Freckles
Lambo
Nella
Tetsu​

[Oc] Occultus - Finny

Bob
Moon
Shade
Sparx
Thread
Zerieth​

[Be] Bellator - Will

Berri
Bish
Dys
Kaze
Rob
Shrub​

[Se] Serpens - Hiren

Bunz
Doc
Loko
Minj
Puppet
Regulus​

[Aq] Aquila - Sev

Dil
Resh
Thana
Val
Vin
Hare​

The Rotation for the month of February 2015 is:

[Ca] -> [Be] -> [Se] -> [Oc] -> [Aq] -> [Ca]​

Please post your thread titles beginning with your grading group, then the week number, like follows:

[Ca] Week 01: Let It Begin, Let It Begin​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 02/17/15.

 

[Redfin]

Pls, Sparx, pls.

Moon
Confabulation: 104
Moon.

Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon, Moon.

You should endeavor to remember to add tags to the title of the threads when you are posting.

Anyways, from the writing, I am gathering this happens probably right after the Frying Pan collab. But it would still help to give more of a setting. There is nothing about the where they are at all. A quick refresher on location would have been helpful from one of you.

This was a nice, reflective collab. I like the difference in behavior compared to when they are in front of the AnO. Man, Aeria really is going full criminal now. It is getting me more invested in the AnO side of things because there are actual PC's in the group.

This could or could not be considered plot. But there're no tags, so I'll never know.

---

Shade
Fangs and Terror: 146 * 2 (plot) = 292
The leg, man, why the leg?

Overall, the fight was a bunch of people doing what they wanted. I dunno, I didn't mind it too much. If the characters don't have time to work things out and plan in-game, I don't see why there should be out of game planning. The larger problem was the lack of interest from the participants.

I do know you preferred to be doing something else instead of attacking a bear. The low amount of turning from people contributed to the bear getting bored and leaving. At least you stuck it out to the end while contributing rescues and damage. So hooray on that.

 

[K3]

Nothing this week, chief.

Raph's Links:

Betwixt Fangs and Terror​

 

[swaswj]

Writing tagged with [Plot] in week 017 and onward will count for twice the normal point value.

Berri - 000/000

Don't see anything this week.
​

Bish - 000/000

Don't see anything this week.
​

Dys - 140/143 + 14 Consec + 150 Faction

This was a very good chapter. Not only do we get a glimpse into Ignis' past, but we get a good explanation for her moral dilemma. Ignis doesn't like violence, but from personal experience, violence saved her from violence -- the guards shot the man trying to kill her and she was later able to scare off robbers with threats of violence. There's a conflict between her ideal of non-violence and the violent reality surrounding her. The way you capped this off by bring it into direct relation with current events also makes it feel more relevant. It isn't just filler, it's shaping out the dilemma that Ignis is currently faced with.

+150 Faction

Once Upon a Time (1428) 140/143
​

Kaze - 000/000

Don't see anything this week.
​

Rob - 100/102 + 10 Consec

There was some good imagery in this chapter, and that's probably its best feature. Ultimately, though, it's still not hooking me in. The same comments as last week apply: there's a lot of hinting and glimpses and snippets, but nothing tangible. This chapter could be read at any time because it has no correlation with any of the other chapters you've written.

What you're presenting is adequate -- it is mostly free of errors, the style is distinctly yours, and your descriptive imagery is constantly improving. The problem is that the longer this goes on, the less it feels like you have a story to tell. Every time you post a chapter that's another aside, or another non-sequitur, or another filler, it makes me lose the curiosity I once had for your main plot. Those things are good in moderation but right now they are making up the bulk of all your chapters. You hinted in chat that there was some hidden aspect I'm missing, but I can't bring myself to search for it.

In Limbo (1015) 100/102
​

Shrub - 210/214 + 150 Faction

Welcome aboard. It's good to have you back.

Great introduction to Rassuul. He seems like a very jovial character, and I like the small sample of different scenes to show how he acts. I also enjoy the fact that you're building onto the world, adding an island and a cove city, both with a bit of their own aesthetic and nature. There's not much more to say, but I'm excited to see how his plans for the future pan out.

One quick tidbit, though. "One thousand golden exa" is perhaps a little more extortionist than you think. The money in Araevis is called exa, but each coin has a value in exa (like dollars)... and the gold-colored coins (auritium) are worth 1,000 exa each. So... if he wanted a thousand gold-colored exa, that'd be something like a million dollars or euros.

+150 Faction

Great Golden Arches (2140) 210/214
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Hiren - 430/439

I'll keep my comments short on this because I'm sure you've heard enough ranting. I like that Urias actually had a motivation for being there and for getting involved with the bear, but I'm a little surprised by some of his actions, which don't draw the picture of a scholar. The writing itself was mostly solid, with a few instances of redundant phrasing, but the problem in here was the poor or lacking collaboration.

This doesn't really have to do with your writing here, but another thing is that Urias ends this collab torn all to hell. When he gets to the Vexus thread, he seems to have pulled a Jojo. It just feels inconsistent.

I guess all I can really say is congrats for making it through that mess.

PM: Betwixt Fangs and Terror (2195) 430/439
​

My Writing:

None
​

 

[Nargles]

T-T-TRIPLE MIDTERM WEEK. It's like finals. In Feb. x_x

Doc
Betwixt Fangs [286/288] + 200 Div

Thanks for showing up with an NPC in this thread. It was a clusterfuck. Everyone got bored and no one communicated with one another. I think we've hashed this out enough times in chat to go over it all again. That being said, you were one of the most active participants so that was delightful. Your turns were solid and there was just a few instances of awkward word order that happened sporadically, so not much to dock on. HEY AT LEAST THIS THREAD IS DONE.

Finny
Betwixt Fangs [398/402]

Hnng more bear thread. Once again, this thread has been hashed out so many times in chat and the amount of interest in it dwindled to non-existence. The main gripe was with everyone working on a different pacing speed. Some people were pushing for it to be done ASAP, some were wanting to draw it out. The thread was being pulled in so many directions at once it just ended up a mess. Your part seemed to be on the slow-down side which seemed to really whiplash with me and shade trying to pick up the pace, which is a fault between all of us. Not going to hash it out further since it's been talked about enough by now...

 

[Several Zombies]

I am too forgetful to be a grader. PM bonuses have been applied. Anyone who wants to take over this group on a more permanent basis, message me on Slack :>

Hare: 242

Betwixt Fangs and Terror

Ah, the chronicles of the bear finally come to a close. I don't really have much to say about this mechanically. Everything was up to your usual standard. Albanus is fun to read. What I will say, though, as more of a general gripe, is that this collab just dragged on forever. The party could have made some moves to expedite things, rather than letting it stagnate midway through. At least it ended with a bit of a bang. RIP bear.


Val: 104

A Quick Confabulation

You used the term "m'lady" in a collab. You get nothing. Zero. Zilch. Take your fedora and go. But anyways, this was a pretty well written collab (and a nice change of pace for me after reading through Betwixt). The pacing and rapport between Deni and Aeria came across really well and helped to convey the emotions of the characters really well. Good to see their taking the outlaw life in stride. Overall it was just a good read. Kudos and full points.


Raph: 470

Betwixt Fangs and Terror

See above, really. It was all well written but the pacing was just not there (for a variety of reasons we've all discussed ad nauseum over the course of this collab). The bear came on a little strong given the party you were facing, but other than that I think you did a good job.