Grading Session for Week 272

[Beaks]

Group 4 -> Group 1 -> Group 5 -> Group 3 -> Group 2 -> Group 4


Group 1 (Will): 1st/5th/7th Divisions
Group 2 (Katie): 10th/8th Divisions
Group 3 (Rob): 3rd/12th Divisions
Group 4 (Wayne): 4th/9th/11th Divisions
Group 5 (Hiren): AHs/Vizards/Quincies​

Grades are due April 16, 2013 @ 11:59 PM EST​

 

[Beaks]

I'll start with the 3rd work I can find, everyone else? PM me.

I suppose we'll start with the big one, Footsteps.

I'm leaving my own feelings on this collab as a whole at the door as best as I am able, please keep that in mind when you read my impressions of your own personal performance.

Ketch: Firstly, do we even still grade you? If not, please disregard.

I will say this first and foremost for you, and please see it for the compliment that it truly is: You write inactivity with your character in character, and its really and truly something nice to see. Manzou's unkempt appearance and slow to start physicality were both written quite well and in descriptive detail. Kudos.

I can pretty safely say that out of the three of us who were subjected to this test you put the most into it, keeping fairly constant with your posting and actually trying to look out for your fellow divvies, unlike some people (Read: Me). Right up until the end you did your best to support and not take a more selfish role, and your writing shined in this collab for it. My only nitpick (and it is just that) is that your font changed color midway through. I know, right? Minor as shit. No points being deducted.

93/93 + 75 Div

Doc: Doc, doc....doc. Almost a month, dude. Really? What you wrote was well done, and you catered to Gorou's strengths here. Also, you wrote the smells quite well, like, can't you smell that smell well. Other than that there isn't much I can say here as you posted off-and-on and then just off. I'd be more pissed if you were the sole failure of this collab but the way things played out I'm not entirely sure there was a way for us to actually pass.

36/37

Rob: I know this is gonna sound fucked up coming from me, but it was pretty showy. Hohou is (in essence) the one skill that can be imba as fuck out of combat, and it was pretty apparent even before the running of the obstacle course in one turn that Nana is the fastest thing alive, gotta go fast, chili dogs, thats nooo good, etc. At that point is was (whether unintentionally or not) a pretty demotivating 'fuck you' to your entire Division.

Other than that no errors or qualms inherent in your writing.

22/22

Now for the more individual grades.

Ketch: Sabbath - I love you, do you know that? Even if Manzou was really, really outclassed you did your best to keep pace in this fight and participate and fucking contribute, whereas some people (SHUN) friggin' disappeared for over a month. We were pretty screwed in this match-up before being short-staffed, but I am very much happy that you continued to try even after 2 people essentially became no-shows.

97/97

Rob: Mask - Gosh, everybody's going Quincy overboard aren't they? That aside, your descriptions of a Quincy through the eyes of someone who had never laid eyes on such a thing were vague, but that's a good thing. Her mind going through its own analysis of just who or what had saved her was excellently done, so kudos on that.

But if you go Quincy too, I'ma be pissed.

60/60 + 25 Div

The Peak - Hooo boy. Where do I begin on this one? The biggest straw against most of you is the disjointed feeling between everyone's turns. However, when you throw a bunch of 30,000+'ers in the same thread this kind of shit happens. Nana's turns felt...off...I guess? It's hard to really put into words. Ascania is your former Captain, and someone that you have minced no words about IC regarding your disdain for him. Nana felt extremely aloof in this one which is slightly insane considering just how much of a bumblefuck was coming, but maybe that's just a level of confidence exceeding my own understanding.

PM's be PM's, for better or worse.

85/85


Mits: I can honestly say this is my first time grading you, so forgive me if I'm a bit lost.

Pink Papers: Very boardroom-y in presentation, no real issues from either you or cad regarding spelling or grammar. I keep forgetting that we still have a 12th to be honest, but you both did a decent job of presenting it and its inner workings.

92/92

Never Backward: Ugh. UGH. BUMBLEFUCK PM COLLABSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOHEFOIESG.

Anyway, not much to say here. There isn't really much you can do with a non-arrancar Hollow that isn't some variant of 'eat rape kill' and a lot of the posts by a lot of the folks in this thread reflected that. Nothing bad, mind you. Just kind of hard to shine when you've got an intelligence ceiling put in place from the get-go.

Also, why the FUCK do we not have something in place like this 1 vs. 100 archetype for tourneys or trials or shit? It'd be awesome.

183/183

Homage: Mits, you just kind of gravitate towards collabs involving Captains, huh? And with Ish no less. -_-

Welp, let's say this and leave things where they lay. You were there as a 4thie, as healing and support. Not as a front liner who would LJ into harm's way at the drop of a hat and be utterly irresponsible.

You did your job! =D

From what I can tell in this collab, you are one of only a couple who did so. Communication between RP'ers seemed decent for this one, even if people tended to get a bit flaky towards the end. Ish's amazing technicolor-changing posts didn't really help to alleviate confusion, but that's on him and not you. Congrats on actually getting a round 2 hunt done though, as not all of us were that lucky.

229/229

Face To Face: Of course. OF COURSE THEY WOULD HAVE A FUCKING BOUNTY HERE. REALLY. REALLY GUYS. REALLY AND FOR TRULY?

...fucking dolls.

Alas, another round 2 hunt unfinished. For your own part in the thread Mitsuhito remained level-headed and task-driven despite being plunked down in a place that fucking makes and refines nightmare fuel, and it was nice to actually see someone use Spiritual Perception rather than just saying 'eff it' and arbitrarily striking off in one direction. Sadly, when a baddie has to change hands multiple times consistency suffers, and in this case so too did consistency of posted turns. Again, nothing on you...just something that seemed to plague PM's as a whole.

267/267

Bones: ...for fuck's sake. Was there anywhere nice to go this time around? I hear Hellingly Hospital is lovely this time of year!

I will say this, it's actually pretty cool that one of the PM Scions had tie-in's with a Zanpakutou spirit. I remember (to some extent) how much Al has done writing-wise in terms of Iblis, the Greater and the Lesser, so yeah. Coolies. Done spouting excess drivel.

Good atmosphere, great interaction between you and Zakeriah....aaaaaaaaaaaaaand it didn't finish. Ugh. I'm ugh'in all up in this shit. If I was a pop artist I'd be Sarah McLughlin. IT WAS THERE. IT WAS ALL THERE YOU TWO. MITS AND AL, LOOKIN AT YOU. COULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME, AND NOW WE'LL NEVER EFFIN KNOW.

I fucking hate deadlines sometimes.

192/192 + 50 Div for making me stay up til 1:30 am to grade this shiz.

For my Grader:
Take This, The Sabbath Day
Fluffy Fluffy Time
Footsteps

 

[Time Lady Katie]

Well, well, PMs wrapping up is one way for more of you to cross my desk I suppose. Looks like Tenth is just me, Bish and Dys at the moment? Man, we went from quantity to quality, I guess.
Eighth, Kago's got you.


Bish
Shoehorning in a final turn without adding a word count? Sneaky little Bish.

Where All Must Pay Homage PM BONUS
I got really frustrated at you guys at the end there and probably annoyed you pretty heavily. For being a second-stringer to the epic fight Ishin and Adelaide were having, the three of you did exceedingly well. Especially Satoru. The final turn where Adelaide melted faces couldn't have happened without the assist from the sound wave attack you pulled. These fighters had teeth bared and were like seven times stronger than you each and still you turned the tide. I'd have liked a bit more struggle to overcome the massive pressure of the Bankai versus Vizard Resurrection, but great job regardless. You, Tom and Mits should all be proud of being able to drive the story alongside titans. We talk a lot about the power divide in HD and you bridged that gap and kicked it in the face.
265/266

Never Backward PM BONUS
The best thing, hands down, in this fight was lateral thinking. Numbers would've been nice, and if every turn had been like the on you and I joined in at it could've been too much even for Sayis. But as it is, you came at the Sayis problem in pretty inventive ways. My only real criticism is a criticism to most of the participants in this, myself included: could've used more of you.
33/33

Persistent Little Bugger
Ah, Haresuno being Haresuno. Never mind that he took a personal interest in training your Vice-Captain, he's just for his division alone, huh? But I was amused at your interplay. Hare tries to wriggle away and Satoru pushes back without being too abrasive. Alexia could take notes. The downside to the collab was that it didn't really seem to go anywhere. Consider this: Hitomane allows you to copy the division techniques you observe. Hit with God Hand? Guess who can use God Hand now! Certainly could've helped you out of that little trap. But all in all, a solid little romp. Full points.
87/87


Dys
You were kinda left out of PMs. I know how rough it is when you come into things during a big thing like that and are left behind. Take 100 Division this week. And in the summer, I promise we'll make sure Adele can be involved.

A Brief Encounter
Hehehe, attempting to hide the ears from Captain Maikeru. I really look forward to seeing how Adele's unique perception of reiatsu helps her in other areas, especially in her duties as a Mystic. I always wish collabs could've gone on longer, but I especially wish it was true here; two of my favorite writers in one place. As it is, you did well and your characterization of Adele continues to make her a really compelling character! Please start including wordcounts, though. I'll start deducting points for this sooner or later. It's a little thing but it saves me a lot of time and on big weeks like this that time is precious.
65/65

The Little Mango who Could
In a hope, as foolish though it may be, that you come back to us one day, your work will be graded. Maybe my sappyness will help win you over. I couldn't find the Mango Bonus I wanted, so I'll commission it from my girlfriend and send it to you on Facebook.

The Peak PM BONUS
You are Mango, one of if not the best writers I've had the fortune of knowing. You're a painter in prose. I only fault you for not sticking through this and leaving Hare and Rob the task of filling your heels. You know they have no idea how to walk in those! You're lucky they didn't fall into the volcano! But seriously, Lil, most of my problems are revolving around your leaving - some things I'd have liked to see that never got to happen here, the tough position Hare and Rob were in when we changed Lilith's fate on them, that sort of thing. I can't really fault you for any of it, it just makes me feel... disappointed and wistful for what could've been.
54/54

A Brief Encounter
REALLY? THAT'S WHERE YOU LEFT?! You're lucky you're my homegurl or I might rethink your Mango Bonus I'm getting specially commissioned. Leave right before we get a beautiful and I'm sure poetic insight. BAH! Take your damn points, and I hope you use them one day. I'm gonna go be grumpy.
65/65

Kago
Grade your boys, and enjoy the 100 VC Bonus that so doing grants.

The Peak PM BONUS
Countermanding an order from the Soutaichou as an Acting Captain is a pretty ballsy move, especially when you consider Kago's disgrace last time he donned a Haori. I guess dying makes up for that, though. Wait, what the hell did I write? Did Kago just die?
130/130

Take This, the Sabbath Day PM BONUS
Wait, did Yuuto just die? Honestly, I really don't know. Cliffhanger ending. But I'm sensing a theme of death from you this week and it concerns me a bit. You played quite the arrogant little shit here, though, so eh? I really don't know what to do with you here, so take your points and sort out what happened later, I suppose... I really frown on disappearing on people during collabs, though and so you're not getting everything. Leaving your partners holding the bag's pretty rude. Even if you are dead.
60/62

Wayne
S'up, brah? Pretty surprised you weren't in The Peak. If I missed something of yours, let me know.

In Nome dei Dannati PM BONUS
Translations are just nice things to give, but whatever. Your little OOG note "Cero, meet Dellius' face" earned back the amusement from me. Way to slaughter the dude on hiatus! That's one way to make it make sense in character! Again, just as I was considering taking a year of Italian before grading you something came and sparked my interest again. And look, English! How delightfully refreshing! All good things, though... so about the time there were two Alexias and you switched back to Italian I again had no idea what in the name of Sappho was going on after a couple turns. Is sticking to one language too much to ask?
Okay, language-hopping and whatever aside, you did the job beautifully. You had to make something a Scion and include all the fearsomeness that that implies and then you had to scale it down hardcore to deal with Alexia's making out with herself and Zerieth's being mostly dead. Not an easy job under the best circomstances and when you consider that I didn't even really notice it happening it's earning every damn point. Good job, man.
355/355

Intercession PM BONUS
Part of me wanted to just leave the quote "Stolen shadows, rod of enmity, cast forth and draw in and go fuck yourself," and give you full points. But hey, might as well earn this 200, right? So, this fight was kinda anticlimactic, but that was basically what Kyu was predicting it would be all along. For all the trash-talking I'd have liked to feel the combat was more epic, more threatening, especially because it was essentially one-on-one. But that just wasn't in the cards for you guys, I guess. So, what I think ought've been a really intense and heavy collab which had a lot of potential instead was just "Kyu's a fucking God!" Really, that's not your fault, at least not esclusively, but I feel like there was a big build up that the combat just didn't do justice to... but we live and learn. I'm not even going to dock your points for my disappointment because, well, the one incantation amused the hell out of me.
428/428


For my grader:

[PM] Where All Must Pay Homage
[PM] Never Backward​

 

[K3]

Brief note - Arun (Hiren) is no longer in Group Five. Technically I'm in charge of Group Five now, I guess. If there's a problem with that, someone let me know but I'm taking the initiative for this.

GROUP FIVE GRADING
PM me links of anything I missed!​

Moony: + 75 Divison Bonus

[132/132]Dispelling the Darkness:

I'm a little torn, to be honest. I'll lean towards the positives for this one, but I'm gonna let you off with a warning: try not to wantonly throw around big attacks like your True Awakening. Considering that your abilities literally create fallout, I feel like Zakki should be treating his powers with a measure of caution.

That aside, I really liked this - on both ends. Vinny, you could still stand to get out of your comfort zone and try and really give us some nice descriptives of Alexia, her surroundings, her body language, etc. That aside, the flow of action between Zakki and Alexia was great, and the fact that there was genuine conflict and tension between the two over Zakki not wanting to give up information while Alexia doesn't want to get thrown into the shark tank again was awesome.

All in all, Zakki's slowly maturing into the superpower he truly is on Earth, and Alexia's making steps towards becoming a dangerously genre savvy shinigami amongst the humans. Take some Division bonus, and remember that since you're technically the faction head for Cerberus, you gain a unique feat slot.​

Doc: + 25 Division Bonus

PM Bonus Included [113/113]Rattling Bones:

Disappointing, if not by your own fault. Gorou really managed to pull off the isolation of being a Vizard, of suddenly being treated differently from how he was before. Combined with the fact that you portrayed the accumulation of Rage and the wear of an Inner Hollow on a Vizard's mind very well - take full points for what it's worth.​

Sev:

PM Bonus Included [56/113]Intercession:

I keep being disappointed in these threads. You were doing great - Rune was giving and taking in the fight, made himself very visible and audible as a combat presence, and somehow he was barely being acknowledged. Then, you just kinda stopped. Don't know if it was RL stuff, don't know if you just didn't feel like it anymore - but you stopped. So at this point I'm inclined to believe that not even the GMs were taking these PMs seriously, which is a pretty big thing.

You take a slot - you fill it. Don't stop after a certain point without due cause, and if you have due cause, don't let it hang. There are other people that could use that slot as an opportunity. Half points.​

Grif:

PM Bonus Included [11/23]Genocide in Cambodia:

I'm not going to bother commenting. You posted once, never posted again. I don't know if there was something going on behind-the-scenes, I don't know if like so many others you just stopped seeing reason to participate - neither is cause to disappear and not hand things off at least. Half points.​

PM Bonus Included [32/65]Face-to-Face:

Again, not going to bother commenting. Three rounds before something or other happened and you never showed back up. Then the entire collab became a joke of handing the hollow off from one writer to the next - and failed to come to any conclusion whatsoever. Half points.​

Bob:

PM Bonus Included [50/157]Face-to-Face:

One: you ditched your PM slot halfway through because you didn't feel like it was worth it anymore - half off. Two: you failed to post your word count for the last two rounds. Another cut from that. Three: same thing as with Grif. No conclusion whatsoever, and this thread derails about halfway in.​

Tom: + 25 Division Bonus

PM Bonus Included [160/164]Where All Must Pay Homage:

I have many problems with this collab, but I won't bother shunting them onto you because Setsuna's part in this was absolutely brilliant. He kept his stance, didn't start whiplashing his mood, followed a natural progression of strength and made a decent impact on a collab that had absolutely nothing to do with him. That being said - wish you'd participated a bit more towards the end. Maybe given a conclusive turn.​

Van: + 25 Division Bonus

PM Bonus Included [161/171]The Peak:

I really, really wish things had gone differently with this. I heard you got busy about the time that Lil left, so I can't imagine that helped the situation. That being said, time to get to the nitty-gritty (and try to resist the urge to GM Review it this time around).

Theron was a total surprise in this - and you really sold his appearance. He came across as truly fragmented - the three separate dispositions creating a great portrayal of the madness that Prometheus had granted him. You threw down on a level that immediately said "This is for keeps" and kept it there. One slip I saw was that you failed to write out your numbers in one instance (10th instead of Tenth). Gotta remember to do that. Didn't really lose any points over it, I just wish this thread could have finished for all the potential that was available here.

That aside - the fact that you didn't include your word count lost you some points.​

Ketch:

PM Bonus Included [97/97]Take This, The Sabbath Day:

Another unfortunate thread that failed to reach any conclusion. Manzou's part in this was as brief as it was enjoyable. You made good use of Kidou without letting it override Manzou's specialties, and portrayed the hollow for what it was: intimidating and a challenge. Good work really, take full points.​

[56/58]Nihil Sine Nefas:

Okay with all that out of the way, let's take a first look into Rudo Braun.

The first thing I noticed was that you opened with a fairly hefty paragraph. Try to avoid that, it tends to dissuade readers. Open with a short paragraph, 1-3 sentences that hooks them and lets you flow into details without confronting a reader with them. Moving on, there's a bit of an issue in that you fell flat in conveying Rudo's personality at all.

You make a great show of demonstrating his circumstances, and how he hates them, but don't really dig into his personality at all. You hover around in this bystander position - even though the chapter is about Rudo being alone. You start to define him as he ignores the call, but then immediately pull back without trying to dig in again.

Actions define a character, but actions without reason present an unreasonable character. Readers are going to want to know not only how your character does something, but why. In chapters, try and use the solo writing to your advantage. Soliloquy's and introspection are the hallmark of them, and let you exemplify your character's motivations and thought processes.

You have my interest Ketch, but I'm gonna need to see more of what makes Rudo tick before you have my attention.​

Guest Grader: Beaks:

PM Bonus Included [113/113]Take This, The Sabbath Day:

Gotta say I loved Tsubaki in this one. You kept her in that generally snippy attitude of having to look after the noble, and kept yourself at a really nice pacing. You didn't try to over-saturate your turns, and it really helped highlight your last turn. Unfortunately, with the fact that half of the contents of the collab no longer posting, I didn't get to see the delicious conclusion of what was a genuinely enjoyable fight.​

[20/23]Fluffy Fluffy Times

I kinda feel like this didn't need to be such a short piece. I get that it's setting something up, but I really feel like you could've expanded on this and still given meaningful content. Ignoring that, this guy seems way too arbitrarily evil. He's an asshole, cool, but remember the old adage in media that "villains are always more interesting than heroes"?

I guess I'm trying to encourage you to really dig deep - creating a distinct hero isn't all that hard, because there are any number of convenient reasons that someone would want to go out of their way to do good. It takes a lot more effort and skill to create someone who goes out of their way to do wrong - because that wrong has to make sense in their mind (or in some amazing examples, a lack of sense in their mind) to fuel them to do it. I guess I'll see more when you bring this arc to a head, but try and take that into account.​

[36/36]Footsteps of Thunder and Lightning:

As disappointing as this thread was, I will commend you for sticking to your guns. Tsubaki found the test to be a complete waste of time, and treated it as such. Not much to say here because it didn't really last. I do wonder how Tsubaki will deal with this failure.​

---

---

:ishin: Sup, Raph? Take the points. You and Moony can sort out grading for next week.

~Lil​

​

 

[swaswj]

I'm on it. If you see that I'm missing anything, let me know. Preferably before I finish grading.

Finny

Finny - 140/140

Normally, I'd be a little irate with spending the whole collab not getting involved, but in this case, I think Hotate probably performed a rather important role messing with those dolls. I have to say, I miss reading Hotate -- there needs to be more of her. I don't have much more to say on your role here.

+75 Div Bonus

I have a whole bunch of other things I could say about the thread but they're irrelevant to this grade.

PM: Intercession (1403) 140/140

Hare

Hare - 484/494

The collab with Bish was amusing. Starting off by misspelling the title, though? Not as good, haha. Still, I have to admit to being a little disappointed in seeing Haresuno cave without a real reason, even if he maintained his ire at the end there. The description throughout the chapter is an improvement, although I would like a better idea of what the division itself looks like.

I really can't understand the sheer lack of interest on the part of the participants for the Footsteps collab. You actually but a significant amount of thought and effort into administering this test, and it shows in your turns, but it all comes to naught if no one's going to play along.

Not much to say about your NB turn, it was there and it was over.

The Peak. To give you credit here, you were writing for yourself and Lilith and still managed to be the most active of everyone in here. The thread as a whole is a disappointment, though, because it was set up to be a crowning moment of awesome, and it feels like you guys just gave up after the first attack didn't work. The fault doesn’t fall on any particular one of you.

+75 Div Bonus

Persistent Little Bugger (3470) 84/87
Footsteps of Thunder and Lightning (3480) 170/174
PM: Never Backward (200) 20/20
PM: The Peak (2128) 210/213

Ish

Ish - 315/336

Even knowing what was actually going on, I don't feel like there were really any context clues for people to pick up on. The writing itself was not bad, although sometimes Ishin tends to be unrealistically verbose in intense situations. Manga-itis, I suppose. This collab could have gone a whole lot smoother if you had stayed active. It's not even a matter of writing a huge turn all the time. Even a small turn more frequently can be all the difference.

And as someone who managed to write turns pretty consistently, during and after a month of overtime -- except for when I was bedridden -- I find it hard to believe that you just can't write a turn at all for weeks at a time.

PM: Where All Must Pay Homage (3357) 315/336

Raph

Raph - 138/143

This collab with Ciro kind of bothers me, largely because it felt like Ciro wasn't even talking to you. You can edit out most of your turns and it's mostly coherent as a monologue. Compound that with the fact that he misspells your name every time, and I really question where the communication was. Your own writing was not bad, but this lack of communication brings the whole collab down. It's also not a very compelling start to a search for self-discovery when the exchange boils down to, "Do this thing," "I don't wanna," "do it anyway," "Fine."

I really enjoyed your NB turns before you got burnt out on it, but I think that's because you were putting more effort into it than was needed. One reason I put the reiatsu limit was to encourage people to just be simple with it. It was meant to be a survival match, after all, which is more about numbers than creativity. Although admittedly, that might not be the most fun to write. However, yes, these turns were good, and kept the opening stages of the thread pretty fun.

Man - Monster (2260) 52/57
PM: Never Backward (864) 86/86

My Writing:

PM: The Peak (1275)
PM: Never Backward (5555)

 

[Wayne]

Man, the PMs sure were downers this time around, weren’t they?


Al – Rattling Bones

Let me just get this out of the way right now. This was the first, out of many other threads, that went and failed to meet expectations. To start things off, the meeting with Gorou and Udo kinda dragged on a little bit, especially with Zak initially acting aggressive against the vizard. As far as I know, there’s a ceasefire between the Gotei and the Army of Masks, so if Zakeriah went and actually did something, there could have been problems. That aside, I liked that he was quick and agreeable, setting aside their differences in order to face a common enemy. As for the fight itself... well... there really wasn’t one worth taking note of. It started, but everything seemed to have cut off and stopped right after your last turn. I really can’t comment on anything else other than that. The idea with the Forgotten in conjunction to your plot was a nice touch though, for what it’s worth. Hopefully you’ll follow up on that with your own pchaps.

Grade: 165 (PM Bonus added) + 15 Division Bonus​

Vin – In the Name of the Damned // Dispelling the Darkness

I guess it’s safe to say that your PM thread was about one of the few that actually got finished, so props to that. I could never guess why Alexia got so hostile with Dellius right off the bat for in-context reasons, but whatever. It didn’t really fit appropriately, but if that’s on you. As for the language confusion that kinda melded in half-way through, that’s my bad so you don’t have to take any heat for it. If anything, you actually acted accordingly and responded well to Vuoto’s taunting and remarks. Now, I’m pretty torn whether it was the right thing to do to abandon Dellius by himself (and Zerieth, who was inches from death) with the scion while Alexia went ahead and chitchatted with her clone for a few turns. You were sort of endangering your comrades by leaving them, but fortunately for you, it all worked out in the end. As for your personal scenario, I’m glad it got resolved, and I’m interested in seeing where in the holy hell this clone-Alexia plot goes.

For your collab with Mewn, there’s nothing I can say here that Raph hasn’t already mentioned. For the most part, the collab was clean-cut and straightforward, although I was still pretty bothered by the midget turns at the beginning. Thankfully, they went away halfway through the chapter. Zakki and Alexia’s relationship is definitely growing, and the end result would surely be something worth seeing.

Grade: 279 (Damned, PM Bonus included) + 132 (Darkness) + 15 Division Bonus​

​

Shun – Sabbath

Three posts? Really? I know real life can bite us in the ass sometimes (and in your case, school) but come on man. If you’re unsure you might not finish something, don’t take it. I really can’t say much since this fight didn’t go far, in your case and with everyone else. You released shikai, and poof. Gone.

Grade: 49 (PM Bonus included)​

​

Shad – Intercession

Hnngggggggg.

Hrrrnnnnngggg.

Hhhhhhnnnnnggggg.

Dude. I reeeeeaaaally hate to do this, but goddamn. I had high hopes for this fight, high expectations, and a battleboner the size of Texas. The initial start-up in and of itself was the stuff of epicness. Orixa, being this witch-doctor Arrancar guy, was insultingly brilliant as a concept. As a scion/baddy, he stood out from the massive pack of generic tentacle-wielding fuckers out there. I’d even go so far as to say his approach as a character was as great, if not even more original, than goddamn Esqueleto. This had insane potential, especially since he could’ve likely beaten the ever loving Jesus out of a captain. His playing around at the beginning with those dolls was a great intimidation factor, more so when the wounds reflected right back on the three fighters. After Hotate disabled them though, everything kinda went downhill. I bet Orixa was still plenty strong to take on all of us even without the dolls, but at that point, the thread practically became an ego-show for Kyuketsu. All the fancy moves and combos whipped out by Kyu just got returned with simple swings, as if there wasn’t even any effort. In all honesty, my thoughts on this fight reflect perfectly with that of my character’s own. If it’s any consolation though, the grammar alone was nice and clean.

Grade: 210 (PM Bonus included) + 10 Division Bonus​

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Will – The Peak // Never Backward

If there’s one word I’d use to describe Sayis, it’ a no-brainer: profound. His role as a mentor, as seen in The Peak, is so fleshed out that it’s almost hard not to feel touched by his words and actions. Still, with all his noteworthy traits as a leader, I felt as though there was more emphasis on other aspects compared to some. For one, while there’s wisdom in his words, the amount of charisma I observed as a reader wasn’t exactly on the same level. It’s clear that the ol’ Capt. Commander is humble (for the most part), but we also get to see a more realistic view of his ego with Never Backward.

Here, despite all the “this is not the Age of Sayis” talk from before, Sayis actually demonstrates how fucking terrifying he can be and how he’s damn proud of it. The hint of self-pride he displayed halfway through while he was mowing down Hollows was a really nice touch, since it gave Sayis a more believable stance compared to just being this super-strong-yet-modest kind of guy. And speaking of which, I have to commend not just you, but everyone else who participated in that Open Collab. My gut instincts told me that it’d eventually end up in a clusterfuck, but surprisingly, the thread went along rather smoothly save for the minor one-person posts in the middle. Adding to that, I was particularly fond of his self-determination as he endured against t he hordes, seeing them as nothing compared to the Espadas and other threat Sayis had faced before.

My only real nitpick with your stuff are the few exclamation points in some of the narrations. This one in particular caught my eye:

The clouds and the flying hollows, though, were caught in the pull of the black hole, pulled in by its inexorable force!

Now, I know exclamations can add some real emotion to a sentence, but this I felt as though it was misplaced. The sentence was already long enough, and the heightened end to it came rather awkward when I read it. But that’s really just my own take on it, and at worst, it’s a minor complaint. All in all, your work is always a blast to read, grader material or not. Take full points for this.

Grade: 128 (Peak) + 556 (Never Backward) [PM Bonus applied]​

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Shady's grading Squad 4 peepz, aka Nella and Hiren

 

[Kago]

8thies,

I have listed the writing I’ve found for each of you for last week since I didn’t see anything in the grading gdoc. If I am missing a thread, PM me the link. Otherwise, these are the only things I’ll be grading today.


Unholy

Never Backwards

Grade: 26 / 26
Comments:

Not much to say here (only 260 words). Your writing was sound, but I disliked how you alluded to doing more than one attack (“first”, “beginning”, etc.) but then you did nothing with it. I know we can’t always predict how the fight will go, so I’m not going to dock you for it.

In Nome dei Dannati

Grade: 495 / 495
Comments:

For 5k words, not too shabby of a collab. One of the first things I noticed though was an error in your intro turn: you and Vin completely contradicted each other. Vin said not many people visited the site anymore and then you turn around and have “many cattle” scampering around below. Which is it?

With Alexia distracted for the latter part of the fight, you and Wayne did a nice job of carrying this fight to the end. Dellius losing his arm was unfortunate, but I think it sold me on the plausibility of the fight. It added some tension and ensured that the fear of death hung over the battle. Nice job.

Take +150 div bonus for concluding your fight before the deadline.


Pho

Rattling Bones

Grade: 169 / 169
Comments:

With regards to this collab, all I can really say is that I wished to see it continue further. Most of the PM threads that ended this week had this same problem. Mid-fight was the furthest it got before the deadline and you guys weren’t allowed to finish the fight/wrap up all the loose ends. Did Udo turn Gorou in or did he and Zak leave it out of their paperwork? Did they defeat the hollow or is Udo still a prisoner of Prometheus’ curse?

Too many unanswered questions, so try in the coming weeks to address and answer them the best you can.

 

[Beaks]

I'm a man of my word.

Unless those words are filthy fucking Cylons.


Katie:

Backward: Sadly, my comments would be about the same for you as they would be for Mits. There isn't much you can do in the pervue of storytelling when your creature is limited to like three basic functions. No real issue with any of it, so no worries.

111/111

Homage: Ah, the joys of working with Ish. It's not really going too far to say that as far as securing the kill, you essentially carried this hunt. It's also not really going too far to say that after reading this piece from you I really kinda wanna collab with you.

(If nothing else I'm a bit better with turns)

Take all 501 points for this one, because you sure as hell earned them.

Sene:
Cambodia: Gotta be honest, this felt Cartoon Network as fuck. Most of the Scions are these big evil bastards who eat fear and shit even more fear, but this guy felt almost like a half-assed Scooby Doo villain. As with a lot of the others, the hunt never concluded.

-sighs-

60/63 For making me do your word counts.

 

[Shadowwind]

4thies I got you

Hiren: Cambodia didn’t really seem to gain any traction but your writing in it was solid. I really can’t fault what happened in there considerin I dropped out of it. 64/64
Man: I always likeCiro writing and collabs w/ arano tend to bring out the best of your writing. All and all it was a nice easy read that was entertaining. 57/57
Remember: I really liked the chapter, it was nice reading sophie’s death and I’m honestly interested to see where this goes. 91/91
Also take 50 Div Bonus

Nella: What was written was pretty interesting its a shame that the fight didn’t finish. However, why you no wordcount :<
For that i had to subtract points 130/150 <.<
25 Div bonus for you~