SDB is already factored into your grade and div bonus.
Lin - 834/837
This chapter was great, in every sense. The premise, the characters, the atmosphere, and the humor all blended together great. The only complaints I have are related to RP mechanics, and I'll get to those a little below. Takashi is really enjoyable as a character, enough of a contrast to Ilsa to make the two of them interesting together. Small thing though it is, I also like when a person can play a character's faults and make them seem like human traits and not just tacked on as a means to an end. The ending was hilarious, although I confess to having plotted something similar in the past!
Now, the little nitpicks! Charon's Road is actually a pretty rough, crude-looking thing, as compared to the Senkaimon which is a refined, elegant portal. Charon's Road is like a Shinto arch made out of rough stones -- almost like a part of Stone Henge. Then there's this:
Takashi refrained from pointing out that it took a better hierro than a Menos Grande had to stand up to a level eighty-nine hadou.
In actuality, Menos Grande are stronger now/strong enough to tank a single Grand Cross. The old benchmark was about 5,000 when Moot was still around, but several years back, we re-evaluated the threat levels of the different Menos and now a Menos Grande sets the bar at 15,000. Still, since Ilsa was coming in as relief and has a stronger-than-average Grand Cross, it's not that far-fetched.
Your turns in Relax were a lot of fun to read, and with so many characters, you had a lot to work with. I enjoyed how you were able to both interact with the other players and highlight some character traits of your own NPCs throughout the collab. Coming up with your own distraction to keep Ilsa from asking too closely about Lilith's departure was a good play, too.
I only spotted one small slip in terms of mechanics, and that was this errant comma:
“Good afternoon, taichou!”, Mariko echoed brightly.
+100 Div Bonus
Dinner in New Orleans (6465) 645/647
Relaxation Earned (1895) 188/190
Berri - 430/456
Reading through our collab, I'm annoyed that I didn't take a closer look while posting it. A lot of the color tags aren't aligned properly, and I forgot to replace that one joke line -- you know the one -- so that really detracts from the overall collab. That falls on me as the poster, though. Mitsu had a difficult role in this collab, since he's a really mild-mannered character trying to temper two characters that tend toward intense and extreme. He stays in character, stubbornly remaining calm despite the hints that he's starting to get upset or lose his temper. That, I think, would be my one complaint for Mitsu's turns, though: it never grew to become more than hints. I'm all for Mitsu managing to hold himself back and remain the one level-headed individual, but I would have liked to see him struggling a bit more with it. Being peaceful isn't an easy choice, and I'd like to see Mitsu struggle with it more, and have a harder time taking the non-violent paths. Mitsu has a lot of potential but I wonder sometimes if you're afraid of playing him outside of a certain comfort zone.
I think if you break out of that, not only will you enjoy writing him more, but you'll start having a bigger impact on characters around him.
The chapter / mini-chapters take a unique narrative style that really highlights March's fractured psyche. The big problem, as I've mentioned to you, is that I'm using external info to build these connections. When I read through, I don't get a strong sense of being lead to the understanding of what's going on, so I'll clarify it for those poking their business into others' grades: while dying and reviving repeatedly, non-stop, March's mind is trying to counteract the trauma with hallucinations of different lives he could have lived, different fates he could have been dealt.
In that sense, it becomes more poignant when you see the sibling affection, the quiet contentment of the old man and his wife, and even the desperation of the soldier to cling to his life. Love, empathy, and even fear are things that March's existence doesn't allow for, or at best, cheapens then. The flow of linked sentences between chapters helped to build a connection, and we have this line:
He lived a hundred lives. Lungfuls of water at a time.
I still feel like there needed to be a cap at the end to bring it all together. It doesn't necessarily need to be spelled out -- "They were all March hallucinating!" -- but even just a cut back to March at the end can highlight how it's still about March, and the readers can fill in the rest.
+50 Div Bonus
+200 VC Bonus for helping grade
What Has Science Done (6550) 210/218
The Names That Never Were (2375) 220/238
Finny - 498/498
These chapters were incredibly fun to read. I've noticed your descriptions are getting more details and this time I had a really good picture of the characters. I'd like to know a little more about Kakuni in the first chapter besides her auburn hair, but the description of her clothing and mask in the following chapters was very vivid and distinct. The portrayal of her expressions verbally was a nice touch, reminiscent of the Sisters in To Aru, but with a more secretive and creepy vibe than innocently quirky. The combat was also well-handled, along with the other action. I enjoyed that Kakuni made some mistakes, like the long-jump, but still managed come out of it all looking like a hot-shot.
+100 Div Bonus
Flow Like Flowers (4976) 498/498
Haresuno - 289/289
Here I was, thinking "Oh good, I only need to grade a relatively small part of this collab," and then I ended up reading the entirety of Stepping. Before I touch on your grade specifically, I just want to put out here that I am extremely pleased with how this thread turned out. I hate that I had to do so much chapturning, but everyone's involvement and responses remained quick, relevant and thought-provoking. I feel like we would benefit from more of these collabs in the future... and with so much left to arrange, that may happen.
Your part specifically was unfortunately small, but where you participated made perfect sense. Haresuno's lines of thought, even referencing history as seen with his own eyes, really gave credence to his validity as a captain and as a noble. While Haresuno decided he would represent only the Gotei, he approached each topic from a neutral standpoint and examined the costs and benefits.
I saw no significant errors, and besides one or two missing words, and small typos such as 'judgement' rather than 'judgment,' the writing mechanics were solid throughout.
Relaxation was a thread I would have liked to get involved in. Unfortunately, I think Stepping pulled a lot of the attention a fun thread like this would usually have gotten. It was nice to get a brief glimpse at Haresuno and his family just out and about, brief though it was.
Now for the collab with Vin. One thing that I've meant to touch on is that I appreciate how you describe Haresuno in every piece, staying consistent but clearly writing the description fresh each time. It's often easy to assume the reader already knows what the character looks like, and it can feel redundant to describe your character over and over again, but it truly is an important part of storytelling to reinforce those remembered images and keep the details fresh in the reader's mind. The writing in this collab seemed solid on your part, and it seems like you've started adding a little more polish to your writings before you post them. In terms of content, I have to admit to being amused that Haresuno managed to address and yet talk around every subject that Alexia brought up. I don't think he gave her a solid answer on any of them.
+50 Div Bonus
Stepping Into the Future (1252) 125/125
Relaxation Earned (500) 50/50
I Apologize (2279) 114/114
Moony - ---/261
Berri's got you covered.
Watching the Detectives (2460) ---/123
A Hotel... Again? (5213) ---/261
Seriously, though, this was pretty solid work. I think, because of how long it took, there are some early on bits that don't fully reconcile with later bits, but we cleaned most of that up, I think. So, solid work. You now are a practitioner of the Division Tech Hitomane. Does it bug you that Adelaide is way the hell crueler to Satoru than she is to most of her pupils? 
