GROUP ONE!
YOU BEST PREPARE YOSELFS, CAUSE IT’S GRADING TIME.
Yes, yes, I know. I know. I’m pretty much the best thing in all of ever. My love and benevolence knows no bounds. You can’t see me right now, but rest assured I am aglow in a pure and holy light.
no but srsly bitches you best back up cause i'm about to get my grading on
- Fin -
[63 / 65]
+25 Div Bonus
Doutful Dedoubt [1,298]
[63 / 65]
Ahaha, very cool chapter, Finny. Almost entirely because the last thing I read from you involved Kakuni, and Kakuni being a mystery, and Kakuni having a job that is also a mystery, I am just going to wildly assume that white-bird-mask-woman is also Kakuni.
And possibly the gang boss.
And also Cutter.
All the people? Kakuni.
Also, Crow is gonna sue for copyright infringement for that lady wearing a bird mask in public. This town ain’t big enough for two birds, woman. It’s a small town.
Content-wise, I thought this chappie was the tits. Your Gang™ was hilariously stereotypical, but somehow I didn’t even mind the generic badguy-bros in this chapter. You totally made it work.
From a more technical standpoint, all I can really suggest is maybe trying to create more of a sense of...fluidity?...from sentence to sentence. Overall I really like that you keep your sentences short and to-the-point, only adding details where they’re really necessary -- but too many short sentences, and in the wrong places, can cause a scene to read as stilted. Sorta. I guess. Am I even making sense?
I think Cutter seems like a real upstanding citizen; definitely the kind of guy I’d like. Handsome, hard-working, and employed -- what’s not to like?
Though I wonder what he was doing in his basement. I bet it was some sort of personal house project. Those are the best.
｡◕‿◕｡
those are the best
- Undies -
[232 / 232]
+75 Div Bonus
Does My Blade Finally Resonate With the Weight On My Shoulders [7,000]
[175 / 175]
Oh my god I read this collab twice and I still don’t understand what was happening or why Kyu was bleeding from his face or what the hell was even going on ever.
Now, speaking honestly, the vast majority of my confusion reading this collab/fight came from my lack of familiarity with A. the characters and B. their abilities. So it’s entirely possible that what might read as a perfectly well-written, flowing fight to someone else instead read to me as ‘BOOM, BAM, WHAMMO, KAPOW, RATTA-TAT-TAT, PEW PEW PEW, SMACKO’. I spent most of the collab trying to figure out who had the advantage, and typically when I decided on one, something in your or Wayne’s writing would throw me again (possibly because both Hare and Kyu spent the entirety of the collab acting like they were struggling for their very lives).
Though Kyuketsu never went all Ban Kai (FOR REASONS!) so I guess there’s the power dynamic right there, but still.
ON THE OTHER HAND, grammar-wise your shiz was just fine; if there were any errors or slip-ups, I didn’t catch them. Like I said, it wasn’t the writing that had me confused so much as the metric tons of skillz being thrown around that I just didn’t really understand because Inks are simple creatures.
Never Judge a Book [2,266]
[57 / 57]
Truer words have never been stated, collab title. We should never judge books. Books don’t judge you, why should you judge them.
Library nerds, unite! Awwhaww, you know I’m just kidding. Mostly. A little.
You losers.
You know, the thing this collab made me realize the most is that even as a captain, even as a superspecialawesome badass what changes the earth with his very mind, Haresuno has a very humble personality. How do I put it? The dude just seems...so approachable. At least to me. A lot of the captains end up with sticks up their butts 24/7, like laughing or being friendly will cause the very fabric of the universe to mothafucking unravel -- but NOPE.
Hare ain’t got time for that, he has to go to the library and make idle chat with miscellaneous 2nd Division librarians! ...But have I ever told you the idea of the 5th’s headquarters makes me uncomfortable? It does. I mean anything you touch could be trapped and set to blow you the fuck up. Fuck a whole BUNCH of that noise.
In complete opposition to the previous collab, your collab with Raph was pretty much some of the smoothest, most...not...confusing..est...writing I think I read this week. I can’t quite put my finger on why I liked this collab so much; it’s probably just an amalgamation of things. Your and Raph’s writing, the interaction between Hare and Kiro, and, most importantly, there just seemed to be a smooth flow between the two of you. This is why I love short turns and envy you bastards who can write them consistently. Wordiness and beautiful descriptions are all well and good, but proper pacing is awesome.
That was some sweet-ass back-and-forth between you two, is all I’m saying.
- Ry -
[102 / 102]
+25 Div Bonus
Roux Rúax! [4,075]
[102 / 102]
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HA
Hahhh. Because of how I do my grading-formatting, I ended up with ‘Does My Roux Rúax! Finally Resonate With the Weight On My Shoulders’ for a moment there.
fucking hilarious
You know, despite the weird, long pause that happened about 3/4 of the way through this collab, it still seemed to read pretty cohesively to me. If I have any complaints about it, they’d be directed at myself and my occasional long-winded introspective turns.
It’s fun to see you writing someone who isn’t Raury; while a lot of your light-hearted writing is still present in Derek (who is also a pretty laid-back, whimsical dude), there’s just enough focus in Derek to make it clear that Raury’s bewildering behaviors and speech is Raury, not a problem with your tippity-tap-typing skills. Though I will admit the drinking-while-writing-Raury is almost definitely to blame for some of the more mundane punctuation errors and whatnot.
DERAILING, SHIT!
ANYWAY!
As much as snicker and tease about this being Generic Mobster Meeting 101, I couldn’t help but love the shit out of it anyway. What it really makes me want, of course, is a collab with Rúa and Roux doing something a little less subtle than sipping drinks and talking ‘business’.
One last thing!
You know, this collab has taught me something. It’s shown me what it’s like to have to sit and patiently wait for a turn, to know one is coming, but not know when it will arrive, even as the months flicker by. Waiting. Hoping.
Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna keep being slow as fuck with my turns though. EAT IT DILLWEEDS.
/OLLIES OFF TO THE MOON
- Rob -
[50 / 52]
+25 Div Bonus
What Is Lost [1,030]
[50 / 52]
You know that huge awkwardness that comes from walking in on a great, big, emotional moment you didn’t even know what happening, between two people you don’t really know all that well? No? Maybe that’s just me.
ANYWAY, that’s sort of, but not quite, the feeling I got from reading through this pchap of yours. There’s this sense that Nana’s in the middle of some important, life-defining trials that I don’t quite understand, for reasons relating to re-obtaining a zanpakutou. What even happened to the first? I’m not even sort of complaining for the chapter -- just lamenting that I’m always so in-the-dark when I jump into other writers’ character plots. Especially one as complex as Nana’s.
Speaking on the content of the chapter itself, the interaction between Nana and other-Nana (AKA AH-MAH-TOO-RA-SUU) read perfectly; there’s this overarching sense of calm and...serenity, I guess?...that I got from Amaterasu I, that really lended itself to the chapter’s mood. I have no clue why/how Nana’s zanpakutou ended up as nothing but a hilt, but hey, I kind of like the ‘go retrieve the blade of yo ancestors, ho’ plot-line.
Poor old zanpakutou, Nana doesn’t even care about you anymore. She’s already moved on, man. While the content was supah-fine, there was a smattering of technical writing mistakes threaded throughout this chapter -- commas MIA and whatnot. No biggies, just a few things possibly missed during proofreading.
PS I liked how the first Amaterasu’s statue is specifically described as being incredibly, ridiculously big. And also how apparently getting to it requires whole bunches of general douchebaggery. That’s pretty fuckin’ awesome.
there is nothing i would not horizontal line break
ANYWHO, BAM!
That’s all I have, homies. If I missed something of yours or done goofed or whatnot, just contact me. Contact me before anyone else. Contact me. Only me. No one else.
it’s easier that way
-INK OUT
