Writing tagged with [Plot] in week 017 and onward will count for twice the normal point value.
Berri - 000/000
Don't see anything this week.
Bish - 000/000
Don't see anything this week.
Dys - 810/813 + 300 Faction
I have to say that Ignis was probably the one who played things smartest in the Prophet thread. She stayed back, the only shots she took were using ricochet to keep her position unclear, and when things turned south, she chose to retreat rather than stage a futile rescue attempt. Honestly, if things had been planned out a little more, and the others had used more discretion, it's possible the attempt would have been more successful. I also liked that she was conflicted about what was right, and even started to betray the others. Moreso, I'm impressed that she actively began to betray them: it wasn't just a passing thought. The fact that she changed her mind based on Rapax's actions only highlights how on-the-fence her feelings about the situation are. Well done.
Apparently I jumped the gun on the chapter. Comments from last week:
This was a very good chapter. Not only do we get a glimpse into Ignis' past, but we get a good explanation for her moral dilemma. Ignis doesn't like violence, but from personal experience, violence saved her from violence -- the guards shot the man trying to kill her and she was later able to scare off robbers with threats of violence. There's a conflict between her ideal of non-violence and the violent reality surrounding her. The way you capped this off by bring it into direct relation with current events also makes it feel more relevant. It isn't just filler, it's shaping out the dilemma that Ignis is currently faced with.
Continue the praise into the second chapter. It builds onto the previous chapter perfectly, giving us a better picture of Corvis, showing us where Ignis picked up more of her interest in engineering, and also leads directly into why and how Ignis learned to shoot. The final part where Ignis tries to picture the white chalk circle, rather than a person, is also a great way to demonstrate how she feels toward violence, trying to dehumanize her target before she could pull the trigger.
+300 Faction
PM: Prophet of Inlustrovis (2120) 424/424
Once Upon a Time (1428) 140/143
I'll Make a Good Shot Out of You Yet (2459) 246/246
Kaze - 000/000
Don't see anything this week.
Rob - 196/204 + 20 Consec
I feel somewhat torn on this one. On one hand, this was a very weak reveal, having Echo just decide on her own to come clean on her real name, with little prompting but an unhappy scowl. The reveal itself was also disappointing: due to the plot similarities, it was inevitable that there was some connection between the two, but I've been hoping the secret wasn't, "She's really Rosa!" I was half-expecting an unknown sibling, a half-sister perhaps. It would also validate the more boisterous attitude of 'Echo' versus the sultry and dangerous Rosa.
That complaint aside, though, I am glad to see the semblance of movement. We really haven't gone very far, but simply speaking some of the conflict aloud feels as if things are getting started. Caesar is now more fully-involved in the plot and not just a side-character, and it seems as if the two are building a genuine camaraderie. I have some suspicions about the implications of this, but I'll leave those unspoken. Suffice it to say, it's refreshing to see the plot on the move and see some development in Rosa's character.
Mechanically, things are mostly sound, but there's a few spots with mistakes like "fallen" instead of "falling" and at least one sentence that feels like a run-on. There isn't enough of it to detract from the story, however.
This Feeling Will Never Die (2040) 196/204
Shrub - 75/83
Another good chapter. I really like Rassuul's upbeat nature, and his proactive attitude. The fact that he's soldiering on in spite of setbacks is an admirable trait. I like the little details with the fireworks, as well, mentioning the copper and rebraiding the fuses. I like how you incorporated the guards in the chapter, too, with them coming to his rescue but later being unhappy with the explosives going off in the city. It's one of the more reasonable and realistic portrayals of the guards I've seen so far. There were a number of small slip-ups throughout the chapter, though, mainly little punctuation details, like "...a festivals worth of fireworks..." instead of "...a festival's worth of fireworks...." There's also a fragment at the end of your first paragraph.
I would like to take a moment to note that Terminus is actually a fairly prosperous city, in the sense that while there are a large number of poor people, the poverty level is still relatively comfortable living. There shouldn't be many people starving on the street or complaining of hunger. Regarding festivals, it's worth noting that in the current RP timeline, Terminus is celebrating the 500th Nocte Nils, a month-long celebration held every year in the month of Umbra (December) on the anniversary of the day of the Cataclysm. If this takes place after PMs, then you're in the clear, though.
Unfortunately, since this was under 1000 words, it doesn't qualify for Consec or other bonuses.
A Sparkling Display (832) 75/83
Hiren - 300/304
I have to say, I'm glad that someone is actually paying attention to the details. Everyone else seems to be in the mindset of "ok, Vexus is here" and Urias is the first character I noticed who asked himself, "Why is Vexus still here?" I mentioned previously that it bothered me that Urias pulled a Jojo here and showed no repercussions from his previous fight, but that said, you do a good job of balancing his studious nature and his blood getting riled up. However, Urias didn't really have any focus in here. He starts out with attacking Aelflead but then never follows up, and toward the end, he rushes over to stop the guards from killing Rapax. While in-character, that was probably the most dangerous thing he could have done, and it strikes me as odd that he would do that when he had to sprint all-out to make it in time. Unlike some of the others, Urias hadn't met Rapax, yet (that we know of), and so there's no connection there to drive him.
However, the line of logic Urias precedes that with -- about responding to a 'gang with a battalion' -- is a great way to justify attempts to pacify the attack rather than kill the attackers in self-defense. It's just odd that he starts with Rapax rather than Aelflead, Deni, or Aeria, all of whom were closer to him and equally outmatched.
PM: Prophet of Inlustrovis (1516) 300/304
My Writing:
