Pre-Post-Script: Rob and Beaks - you guys should read each others' chapters for the week. There's a strong, strong similarity in context, style and execution of your stories. Hell, one could do a paper on their comparatives. That is all.
Robin:
Masked Obedience
50/51
Goooooood build-up! I love how it was a little troubling throughout, right up until the end, when you think it's time to settle then BAM! Yanked up by the collar. I'm seriously eager for the shitstorm throwdown. Very vivid imagery, too. Well done. I knocked a point because some preposition-ending sentences (though, that really comes from Latin, where it wasn't improper, just didn't work), a spelling error and a few comma placings/vacancies that I know you won't agree with! MUAHAHAH
blame the mountain dew in me
Beakinator:
It Was A Mistake To Do This At A Funeral
52/52
Great imagery, here. I could almost read this is a transcript and see/hear it play out as a scene in a movie. I can only grab at what context I think this is relating to, but, if I had to guess, I'd guess a few things: The struggle that Tusbaki faces with having lost her old zan/spirit and the effects its having on her with the new one - The internal struggle, sans new spirit, from aforementioned change - general angst and fight to suppress/deal with the torrent that reflects on Tsubaki's outlook on all the recent dealings with the Gotei and C46. Whether I be right on point or completely wrong, it doesn't really matter because it's a captivating read. I genuinely enjoy seeing you write again and it gives me hope you will stay active or become more active with it. I didn't get to read your stuff when you were busiest but I'm here now, damn it. Write.
Selfishly yours,
Cad.
KATIEDID
Stages Of Grief
55/55
First, I'm sorry to say I am not familiar with chapters 1-3. Second, I love that you are still writing about Raifuku. I am trying to pursue that as well and I don't think/know if enough people are still doing so. It was a big deal and should have lasting effects in their universe. +1 Gold Star for that.
Great, great chapter. I think it's very clear that you are a natural writer. A lot of us work at it and develop with practice - I know you have a history of writing and, perhaps, it's just come with the practice, but, based on what I'm reading, it seems like you do this with as much ease and natural talent as you would laughing...if that makes sense. If it doesn't, shove off. I didn't know anything about Echo or Orie before this chapter. I wasn't even 75% through before I felt I knew exactly who they were - that says a lot. Orie is to Echo what Alfred is to Batman? First comparison I thought of - heard Michael Kayne in my head, "I won't bury you. I've buried enough members of the Wayne family".
At first, I was a little put off at the cliche scene of a frustrated warrior, taking it out in training. Seemed like it's been done before. But what hasn't? After reading it fully, though, my mind was changed, completely. Echo's motivations seem genuine and very, very real. The fact that she would bend to Orie at the end, even if just a little, expresses a dynamic in her I like to see. Good work.
