Grading Session for Week 324

[K3]

Group 1 -> Group 3 -> Group 4 -> Group 5 -> Group 2 -> Group 1

Group 1 (Berri): 1st/5th/9th Divisions
Group 2 (Raph): 2nd/3rd/6th/11th Divisions
Group 3 (Drag): 7th/10th/12th Divisions
Group 4 (Hiren): 4th/8th/13th Divisions
Group 5 (Moon): AHs/Vizards/Quincies
​

Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 15 April 2014​

 

[K3]

Group Two Grading​

Rob:

52/52 - Little Graverobber [1045]

I can almost feel the Dark Souls you've been inspired by for this piece. The imagery is very consistent, you hit all your usual points, but I feel as though you may want to saturate your big dramatic moments a bit more. The action of the souls being affixed to Lina should've had a bit more weight to it. Try giving the reader something organic, something familiar to equate something this surreal with, feeling-wise.

Beyond that, it's a short chapter and it gets what it needs to do done. Cain's interesting, try not to blow out the scope, etc. Full points.​

Guest Grader: Group 1?

Hare, your grade for the previous week is full points for whatever they're worth. Remember your PM bonus.​

 

[Nargles]

Resh
Leviathan [40/51]

Alright, so Resh’s persona veers towards a genre that I like to write, that’s people who are pretty crazy. I’ve written crazy quite a bit and still do. This chapter was difficult at times to read, and the reason is something that I’ve had to deal with. Verbosity.

It hits you right at the start of the piece with the intro blurb. Managing a good vocabulary can really make a peice more detailed and spark some really good imagery. But, it’s all based on using the vocabulary correctly and making sure that the original meaning wasn’t lost. The first paragraph didn’t make much sense at all, I had to read it quite a few times to get a basic feel with where the string of words was going and what you were trying to describe.

Next, let’s hit the big part of this chapter that caused a problem. Reshin isn’t intimidating. He isn’t even that scary, or threatening. Instead he was, well, funny! One of the reasons is that he seems to vocalize every thought he has in a very over dramatic way. From writing a crazy person, sometimes not saying things or placing in very subtle reactions produces threat. What I suggest is you read some work from some of the writers in this RP who have been around, preferably even work from more villainous or darker characters.

Moony
Rangers [55/55]

Sweet chapter between Richard and Zakki. I liked the quieter, more touching moment when the two of them talked, and the juxtaposition with the far less calm scenario surrounding them is really nice. I rather like that Richard didn't go all argumentative as I usually assumes happens in these chapters. To have him just accept it, though grumbling, was a nice change up from the 'I don't care I'm coming with you!' shtick. Keep up the good work.

BERNZ
Masks [107/111]

Nice writing between you two, Shuku and Toki have good chemistry together. That being said, I kind of wish that there was a bit more going on in the collab outside of an 'i'll show you mine if you show me yours' sort of thing. It seemed very sequential, Toki SK then Shuku SK and each person congratulating the other's SK. There's nothing wrong with that but I feel like there was a bit of potential, definitely going deeper into the symbolism and mean behind the other's (happened a bit in Toki's but not much in Shuku's)

My work:
http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?38915-4th-Week-324-The-Central-Dogma

 

[OssumBunz]

So hi there guys, I’m the new weekly grader for Group 5, aka Earth! So much to do here this week and for the record, I was givien this job after the due time, blah blah blah.....
LETS DO THIS!


Alan:
“Of Blood and Rank” - 127/127

This is the moment I had been anticipating since Zenny’s return. We all knew that Masato would have to learn that Aragon, for lack of better words, faked his death. I think what we didn’t know was exactly how he would handle the news.

This went down in true “Masato fashion”, he was cautious but I don’t believe overly so, if anything he was a bit under prepared. He walked into something that easily could have been a trap without backup of any sort. Of course, as soon as I wrote that I remembered that Hideo had been watching the whole scene so to speak. As you were, then!

I just felt so bad for Masato, the way he was left standing out there next to an empty grave that I feel must have been mocking him by that point. Enough with the General for now though and on to Hideo.

Oh Hideo, man. This was my first time reading anything with him in it, and I wasn’t disappointed. He’s quite the jerk, and it’s the fact that he is in a position of power, imo, that he is that way; or it just feeds his huge ego. He seems to like to pull the strings, and we see this all over the place in this collab. Basically, He is well written, I have often wondered if it was difficult to switch a character mid collab, but it doesn't seem to be.

“Crashing Thunder” - 207/207

He we go, the moment you have been waiting for! I’m gonna be truthful here and tell you that I am grading this from memory. I just feel too lazy to go back and dig through the thread. Besides, I was in it and I read everyones turns at least twice.

Rune (why do I keep typing Ronue..srly) is so weird, in a good way though! You pulled out some large turns in this thread and showed off some really cool abilities. Not to mention that we both had characters get hacked up nicely thanks to Kaz. Twins.

...Alan...where are your word counts in this thread? cbvfqrwvgrevkjvbjr!!! D: Math!

Zenny:
“Of Blood and Rank” - 127/127

Oh man, oh man, oh man, here we go! So I don’t know how I thought Aragon was gonna do this, but an envelope was not it lol. It makes sense though, and this played out so much more excitingly than Toki’s return from the grave.

Aragon interests me quite a bit and I’m super excited to see him get back into life with Orpheus. I was almost concerned for him a bit at first, because how is anyone supposed to really trust that this is Aragon? I know I would have been suspicious about it given the circumstance as well, but he handled everything in front of him quite well. This guy is a sneaky one for sure, slipping out of his cuffs in no time at all. That’s Orph’s fault for not using better cuffs lol, and I’m super impressed with how Aragon didn’t punch Hideo when that man was just being so goddamn annoying haha. Of course you did go into how much your character has changed, so that must have gone a long way there.


Val:
“Without Masks” - 111/111 (MATH PROBLEM SORRY FIXED IT, NO COMPLAINING)

This was our little collab here that took quite sometime to complete due to...me >.>
It’s hard to not go and start picking at my own mistakes here. Shukumei is quite the trainer, I was very amused by how I still got the feeling that Shuku was making some choices that were like what a teenager would make. That’s something he never loses and it’s just so him. I was thinking him wreckless a bit there at first, but he knows what he’s doing...I have to chill LOL

Your turns were solid, I mean I never was confused by what you posted and I have been by a handful of other people in the past. So overall, good job...I would like to see some chapters out of you again though one day. Please uh...do that...

(someone please grade me...please ._. http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?38914-V-V-Week-324-Without-Masks ...please)

 

[bankzu]

Arun
Operation: The Central Dogma [56/56] + 150 division bonus for being you!

Ah yes, a piece of greatness is always fun to read. I’m starting to think that you might be the one who planted the explosive material in your room and not your roommate. I have to say that I’m glad I read this during the day, and not the night. Trial and error is it? Well nobody had success on their first try. Keep trying and I’m sure you’ll get there! It was a little creepy to read this but good nonetheless. I kinda like Echidna, that crazy SOB. Does that make me a lunatic also perhaps? I hope not!

Please tell me if I missed anything and it will be fixed