Grading Session for Week 327

[bankzu]

Group 3 -> Group 2 -> Group 5 -> Group 4 -> Group 1 -> Group 3

Group 1 (Will): 1st/5th/9th Divisions
Group 2 (Raph): 2nd/3rd/6th/11th Divisions
Group 3 (Drag): 7th/10th/12th Divisions
Group 4 (Hiren): 4th/8th/13th Divisions
Group 5 (Bunz): AHs/Vizards/Quincies
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Grades are due by 11:59 PM EST on Tuesday, 29 April 2014



Note the updated Grading Rules here.
New rotation this week.
​

 

[swaswj]

Another light week.

Fin - 90/93

This is going to sound bad, but about halfway through this collab, I began skimming Moon's parts to read yours. That's not saying either of you was better than the other, but rather... the two characters started feeling like they were in two different worlds. I suppose that was the intent, based on some of the word choices and the name of the collab, but it's still disconcerting that Picca kinda puts herself out in the open, talks about a painful event that still lingers in her mind, and then Yaname comes back with "I heard you had a cool prosthetic." Your parts were good, showing vulnerability that justifies Picca's skittishness. Moon's parts were good, emphasizing Yaname's exuberance and excitement. They didn't really play off one another, though -- Yaname's cheerfulness didn't rub off on Picca, and Picca's morose emotions did nothing to dampen Yaname.

My usual advice applies here -- read through your collab before posting it. See where some things can be shifted around. A few words can make things feel a lot more human.

+150 Div Bonus for a good look into Picca's psyche (and being the only one to write)

Sun and Shadow (3706) 91/93
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For my grader: http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?38953-1st-Week-327-Deplorable-Word

 

[bankzu]

Dys
Faded Memories [65/65] + 100 division bonus

This one felt a little strange I gotta say. The fact that the two of you wrote your turns in a single paragraph struck me as kind of odd, and yet you managed to pull it off quite well. The collab itself felt as if was missing the real ending. I get the whole Adele wanting to meet with Hikaru but what I don’t get is how it suddenly turned out to be Hikaru’s dream. I can get the whole idea although I think I wanted a bit more Adele in it, since she was a starting point.

Your writing seemed a little better than otherwise on this and I really think that you’re doing a great job with Robin’s conversing in this collaboration. Great work.

Fates
Something Fishy[30/50] + 50 division bonus

I noticed quite a few spelling errors and missing words already in the beginning of the text. This goes on throughout the whole chapter and is something you should really try to keep track off. If you aren’t using any spell-correctors, you can find one in any of the word versions and even in the Google Doc version. There are quite a few sites out there that have it as well. I’d like for you to at least read the story once or twice before you post it next time. Heck, even try to read it outloud to see if it sounds good coming out of your mouth (that sentence sounded a little strange...)

The idea of the chapter is very good and you executed it quite well. I would also like to see a few more traits from her personality come out in your writing. You describe Sarah as insecure because of her past, yet she comes across as quite upfront in the chapter.

There is some stuff to work on here and I’m sure you’ll manage quite well in due time. If you have any questions or want to go over the chapter more thoroughly, send me a PM or IM and I’ll be glad to help you!

If there is anything I’ve missed, please tell me and I’ll fix it!

 

[Nargles]

Grades this week only have will. Accidentally graded Faded Memories last week Minj.

Will:
Deplorable World [107/107]

Despite all the PT hype going on, reading this chapter again got me hyped for the PMs too. You managed to set a really awesome stage and kept things sufficiently mysterious. It was the scenery and descriptions that got me, especially towards the end when everything started to go batshit crazy. Writing out all the little nuances about turning all the faucets on and the sound of the television and whatnot was a really nice touch. Kept the sort of frenzied atmosphere going and really drew me into reading further. I really liked the playing around with the typography, I'm a sucker for things like that since I've dabbled in some graphic design. It was subdued and not over the top which was great but the boldness and size change aesthetically played up the madness. Great job!

 

[K3]

Life exploded. Shit's weird. Late grades.

Rob:

51/52 - On The Road Again [1045]

More transitions. Suspense, excitement, drama! I'm running out of things to say to you. You missed a space in your italicized bit, kind of a derp. I really don't have much to say here that I haven't before.​

Guest Grader:

What the fuck is Group 6?​

 

[OssumBunz]

This week grades are going to be simply grades u.u I was distracted by PT this week and I know its not an excuse but it’s what happened and I just want to get your point as soon as possible now.

Mewn:
“Sun and Shadow” -185/185


Hattrick:
“Scream, Aim, Fire!” -260/260


Zenny:
“If Only” -51/51

I’ll try to make sure that this isnt a regular thing, its just hard sometimes.