Here goes your chapter revised. Corrections, revisions, suggestions and questions in red.
As the sun arose, David was prepared for the day ahead of him slightly out of breath. The fact that he woke up late hadnot dampened his enthusiasm at the coming day. Today he had been assigned to work within a team, out in the human world. To most, this would seem a mundane and everyday task, but for David it meant new culture and skyscrapers to explore. As he made his way down from the building to join his colleagues for the day, Dave contemplated the possibility of combat. As he did so, his grip tightened around his zanpakutou, as thoughhe would fall without it knowing (???) that today more than ever he must be a professional. He could feel his breath condensing against his respirator, he knew that he couldn't afford to be careless. His prowess, not enough to defend himself. His presence is likely to draw attention from those tragic horrors.
Don't panic, you cannot afford to break composure. This is a job and you've this sort of thing before. He thought. (chars’ thoughts go in italic, just like this.)
Just stick with your Superior and work as a team. He kept reassuring himself.
He could see the team now, including his former teacher Hazo Gatsu. Hazo was very young in appearance, not looking a day over twenty-three, his platinum blond hair was longer than David recalled, being well past his earlobes and his ocean blue eyes barely made eye contact. As David, the fledgling, joined the circle, the former master smiled.
"Punctual as ever Dave. Never expected you to be a medic though. With all that hakuda from the Academy, I thought you'd end up in Seventh!"
Dave winced slightly.
"Sir, with all due respect that was in the academy, evidently I must have caught someone's eye."
Hazo chuckled playfully.
"I'm just playing with you, don't act all tense. We're still in Soul Society."
David scowled like (suggestion) he was a child being told to do chores. Hazo then turned to face the whole group and yelled with a commanding tone.
"Alright now that we're all here I'd just like to go through the day; it's a routine stab or stamp whichever hollows have been reported in the area recently, so, be on your toes and the newbies stick with me! Oh yeah, and Davey?"
"Yes sir?” David replied nervously, knowing what came next couldn’t be great.
"Don’t pride yourself too much on passing the academy. Everyone here got through and more, so, no heroics.”
David stuttered for a response.
"S-sir that was a long time ago... I would ask that you not treat me like I am a child.”
Hazo grinned before pointing to David’s zanpakutou.
"Maybe when you can get that through a hollow.Just don’t get yourself almost killed in the process like last time your balls got too big.” (Because Hazo probably didn’t know how and why he got killed before?)
David sighed with discontent.
It could take years until I could even consider such a task all I’m asking is for a little respect! He screamed in his head.
As the Senkaimon closed behind the group, David is awestruck by the sight, buildings everywhere. Some were so high he questioned whether he could see the top. Neon signs waiting to be lit.
"It is beautiful!” he said out loud before realising he did so. The rest of the group stared for a second expecting some sort of qualifier. "...Sorry. I’m just really impressed by cityscape and such. Now ca-” he giggled nervously.
"Must be easily impressed then,” jested a member of the group.
"I have my things, you have yours. Now can we please just get on with our task?” David retorted.
"Most people have normal interests,” the member jeered. He wasn’t much taller than David and he was skinny to say the least. Seeing this as a challenge, he attempted to strike the shinigami, however he casually flipped Dave to the floor.
"Rule one, don’t break composure newbie, especially over banter,” the shinigami said, helping David off the floor
"Sorry sir,” David forced out after being winded by his fall.
I don’t know what is wrong with me. Maybe I’m just a bit on the edge because of what master Hazo said to me. David thought to himself remembering what happened that day.
‘Hollows are the enemy’ is what he’d been taught. "Strike without mercy, it is a kindness,” they had said as he ran blindly towards the hollow. It wailed, undeterred David leaped to strike. The hollow barely moved, slapping him a away like he was a fly.
When David reawakened, Hazo was standing over him, disappointed, as the hollow disintegrated with death throes.
"Hey! Newbie!”
David felt a sharp strike to the back of his head.
"Did you hit your head on the way down or summin?”
Panicked, David spun around, holding his side(awakward sentencing. what you mean here?) he was there, in the human world.
"No I’m fine just having a bad day sir.”
Hazo raised an eyebrow.
"First day out is the hardest. Now lets move out, for pluses won’t konso themselves. Will that calm you down a bit, newbie?”
"Yes sir. Thank you Hazo... sir,” answered Dave.
"Good. Can’t be expected for me to carry you my whole life, lest they send you back to the Academy.”
Several hours passed and it was noon and the team decided that lunch would be pleasant. David had found a spot near the city center above a block of flats, taking a bite out of a firm red apple. He couldn’t help but feel more at ease and more like his usual self.
"Perhaps today won’t be too bad,” David said enchanted by the surrounding skyline. Deciding to meet up with the team David decided he’d finish the apple on his way down.
Hazo, on the ground floor, felt a little on edge. There was a large amount of pluses for a city, even one of this size.Hollows were sure to appear, he was adamant of it. As the lift doors opened and David entered, there was a sudden change in the air. Hazo sped off like a bullet. That could only be the reiatsu of a hollow, but that was to be expected considering the concentration of pluses.
David left the building rather confused. The team was absent. Without warning, a second hollow appeared literally 10 feet away from him. David knew he would be no match for it on his own. He had only recently graduated. He was slow. Even by this hollow’s standards he was weak. Closing his eyes, Dave located the teams’ reiatsu. He then placed his right hand on the handle of his zanpakuto and ran. Running hard (you can’t shunpo) helped him get some space, unfortunately, the small bursts of his reiatsu also attracted the attention of the hollow. The gap was closing and David had to think fast if he was to survive. Still running, he turned to face his Goliath. Slowly drawing his blade, David angled it to blind the hollow with the reflection of the sun, throwing it off balance just enough for the opening he needed. He struck his blade against his sheath sending out a ring and leaped to the left. He was close now. If he could just get to the team...
After dispatching the hollow, Hazo decided to walk back to find their absent teammate. A thing ringing could be heard in the distance. Hazo assumed it was just background noises when suddenly a thunderous crash could be heard. This sent a chill down his spine.
David, still running for his dear life, dodged and dived to get as close as he could, using old tricks and he was fresh out of them (awkward sentencing). If he was swung at again, it would be over for him. There was no way he’d survive. Feeling the beast rearing up for a final blow, David decided to face his second death like a proper man. Drawing his blade he spun and lunged it forth into the hollow’s open palm. Using his arms to cushion the blow, David flew backwards into a nearby office, destroying it too.
By sheer luck, David’s injuries were mild for what they should have been. His respirator had shattered and there were shards of glass in his left arm. The zanpakuto, however, had practically snapped under the force leaving the first two holes and part of the third remaining. Realising that this would have done nothing to stop the hollow, David tore the sleeve off his right arm to make a tourniquet for his left arm before running deeper into the building where the hollow would have difficulty getting to him. Standing in the corridor hoping Hazo had noticed, a fist plowed through the wall literally two feet away from him. Dave ran, but the other fist punched through literally inches from striking him. Then there was silence.
After about ten minutes, which to Dave felt like the whole day, the door opened and Hazo walked through looking down both sides of the hallway before noticing Dave as white as a sheet.
"Ah, so it didn’t kill you. I got worried when I saw this in its hand.” Hazo then tossed the other half of the blade to Dave.
"Thank you sir. I did what needed to be done.”
Hazo smiled.
"Indeed you did Dave, but you got lucky with that ‘do or die’ stunt. At least it’s only your arm that was affected.”
"Yes sir. If it wasn’t for you, the hollow probably would’ve ki-”
Fighting a loss of blood and reiatsu, Dave fainted.
Dave woke up the following evening, back in Soul Society. His arm had healed up enough, for he could move it freely and his respirator had been replaced. Hazo sat patiently in the corner of the room by the door. (punctuation, punctuation, punctuation!!)
"Fixed up quickly haven’t you. So, has your zanpakuto? They tend not take kindly to being broken, so try to be more careful in the future.”
"Will do sir,” Dave replied weakly. Hazo opened the door to leave but paused and turned.
"Even if it equated to a paper cut, you managed to cut that thing. So you’re a better paper cutter than what you were at the Academy. (is that what you meant?)”
Dave smiled knowing that he was stronger than a meager student.
"Maybe next time you won’t be such a runt,” Hazo chortled as he left. Dave felt a pang of disappointment that his former teacher still looked down on him. The door opened and the shinigami who flipped him at the beginning of the day walked in.
"Seems like you followed up my advice. It’s better to swallow your pride and run than fight and die meaninglessly. Just so long as the hollow doesn’t teases you over, there’s a possibility(is that what you meant?) you’ll be fine.” Dave smiled for a second.
"You never told me your name sir,” he asked.
"Don’t have one, but the squaddies call me Neffi.”
Dave chortled. "Sounds like a girl’s name.”
"Beats being called by a criminal ID number,” the shinigami said, slightly insulted.
"You’re in the Seventh squad!?” David exclaimed.
Neffi burst out laughing.
"No, I’m just messing with you! Can’t believe you ate that shit up,” the shinigami calmed a bit, "Haz said your were a gullible but I didn’t expect you to buy into it so easily. My real name is Deacon. See you around.”
Deacon then left. Feeling there was nothing he could do to amuse himself, Dave didn’t seem to care, considering he was still alive and was more than happy to just be safe for the time being.
This was a good chance for you to start fleshing out Manzo a bit...having read several of your chapters now, I have been hoping to see you color him in a bit. I was excited to see he doesn’t like tea but I was a little disappointed that you didn’t give any more personalized info. So far, Manzo doesn’t have a solid reason for being a shinigami, is a tad wishy-washy about his recent promotion and says there isn’t much worth knowing about himself...lets have some more of this man’s personality and what makes him different!