Reviewed Week 275: Cold, Colder - Feedback
- Thread starter Micali Alsara
- Start date
Rosa gave a solemn look to the older woman. “Sucks about your real parents though.”
Micali just shrugged. “Hard to mourn someone you never knew.”
Micali just shrugged. “Hard to mourn someone you never knew.”
Huh. Ironic echoes toward my own writing, which I don't think you've read, yet.
Lutum nodded, pausing to scan in a full circle around them before turning to Keydis and offering a somber pat on the shoulder. "You have my condolences. They were good folk."
Keydis brushed his hand away with no change in expression. "Thanks for the thought, but I'm fine." She shrugged. "Why should I care? I never knew them."
Keydis brushed his hand away with no change in expression. "Thanks for the thought, but I'm fine." She shrugged. "Why should I care? I never knew them."
The characterization in this chapter was excellent. I mentioned in the previous chapter that you had done a good job humanizing the characters, but this chapter takes that much farther. The obvious affection both women have for each other doesn't prevent them from irritating and snapping at one another, and that's about as true to life as you can get. The sudden confession leaving Micali in shock, and unwilling to admit it's mutual, is also realistic considering her history and situation.
The battle was interesting, if brief, and a small detail I appreciated was Micali's initial, "I've got this," mentality followed by the, "wait what?" when her first shot did nothing. The details you included surrounding its brain-death leave me curious whether this was a one-off, to highlight Rosa's medical acumen, or hintings toward some future development, like this is one of many to come.
Keep it up.
Whoo! Well where do I begin?! This was packed with so much emotional content as well as a good amount of exposition and some enjoyable descriptive writing. I think that Will's a great deal better at critique than I am, so I've deferred to him over that. I just feel like talking about the impression the chapter gave me.
I felt that this chapter conveyed a good mixture of emotions from Micali's discomfort with any sort of emotional contact or intimacy to Rosa's strong pull toward her, from the mundane nature of trudging down the trail to the pulse-pounding, terrifying encounter with the vistra. Those descriptive passages kept me hooked.
I am not as up on your plot as I ought to be, I confess. However it's quickly apparent with your writing that one can pick up in the midst of things and still have a sense of what's going on. You have a lot of moving pieces but you are able to keep them moving well. I could take a few pointers from you!
Overall, I enjoyed the read and felt drawn into the internal and external worlds of the characters. To me, that's the most important thing in any piece of writing.
I felt that this chapter conveyed a good mixture of emotions from Micali's discomfort with any sort of emotional contact or intimacy to Rosa's strong pull toward her, from the mundane nature of trudging down the trail to the pulse-pounding, terrifying encounter with the vistra. Those descriptive passages kept me hooked.
I am not as up on your plot as I ought to be, I confess. However it's quickly apparent with your writing that one can pick up in the midst of things and still have a sense of what's going on. You have a lot of moving pieces but you are able to keep them moving well. I could take a few pointers from you!
Overall, I enjoyed the read and felt drawn into the internal and external worlds of the characters. To me, that's the most important thing in any piece of writing.