Recent content by swaswj

Note: Follow-up to Anima Seven Breaths Wordcount: 1,572 No signs of the attack remained. After the passing of months, all the burnt or splintered furniture had been replaced, the charred walls had been repaired and repainted. There was a brand new, heavier door at the front, and only...

Note: Follow-up to Armil Anima Wordcount: 1,500 The next morning found Keydis walking down familiar roads. While Redberry Park was further to the southeast, where more privileged clientele flew in by airship from Elata Spiritus, she was heading toward the center of the city, an industrial...

First impression is that this feels like more of a prologue (or, I should say, the second part of the prologue) than a part 1. We seem to still be setting up the background before the main story begins. It's good to see more writing from you but there's not a lot of speak on in this chapter...

Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 604: The Great Blight - Part 1 by MoonlitRain014.

Note: Follow-up to A Talk Armil Wordcount: 1,001 It was the next night. Things had been a blur as the Conexus came, took her statement, took the body. Keydis had cleaned the more visceral elements of the encounter and Nyct had helped with the more practical side of fixing the damage to the...

Note: Follow-up to Echo A Talk Wordcount: 1,023 Author's Note: This feels disjointed and unfocused. I might scrap or rewrite this later. "What's there to talk about?" The voice was familiar, but different. Her own, but not. It sounded like a younger Keydis, just a few years younger. It was...

Note: Follow-up to The Seventh Vice Ignominious Wordcount: 1,659 "Reckoning time, boys." The office of the Banker of the Seventh Vice had seemed grandiose, almost monumental, far too large for the solitary man behind the desk and filled with unnecessary lavishness. Gold and silver and...

Note: Follow-up to Reforged The Seventh Vice Wordcount: 1,267 The Little City within the Grand Metropolis was host to many different factions, and over the decades power changed frequently. Collectively, the powers that ran the Lupanar District were known as the Nefastus, and although not...

Note: Follow-up to Remodeling Sinister Wordcount: 1,072 A long hallway cast in shadow, with dim red light flickering near the end. Candles under foggy red glass near the ceiling provided just enough light to show that the hallway branched in two directions. Those who knew took the turn to...

That little note at the start really wasn't necessary. It's all storytelling, and getting to know the characters is part of telling a good story. I actually really appreciated getting to know this crew a little better. We had kind of a handle on Tes already, but this let us dig a little bit...

Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 610: The Boss’ Hospitality by Deni Perfide.

Apologies for how long this has taken. Together with missing that it was posted for the first week or two, every time I sat down to start reading, something else would rear up and take priority. The wordcount gave me pause, but this chapter still managed to fly right by. The pacing was handled...

Chapter 4, Part 2 Wordcount, 2597 "Ohh no…." The voice seemed distant, like he was underwater and someone was shouting from shore. "No, no, no, this is bad. Damn, this is bad!" Someone grabbed his wrist, then put a hand to his forehead. "Kade! Kade, can you hear me?" Slowly, Kade opened his...

Please post any comments, critique, and other feedback here for Week 606: Professor Visuri by Deni Perfide.

Chapter 04: Prophecy Part 1 Wordcount, 2306 Over the following days, the city was buzzing with activity. While no citizens of Tulorildril had been injured in the attack, wild rumors flew that Honorast or Beladhell or both would be coming to destroy the entire island nation. People swarmed up to...