Sorry for lateness of turns and grades. As many of you know or have guessed, I got sucked into FF14 a wee little bit. In my defense, I warned all the people urging me to play that this would happen!
Ahem, grades tonight, turns tomorrow, game some other time.
I will be posting a rule update shortly, based on observations in the first two rounds.
Lin - 179/179
Ilsa put up a really good fight here. It really came down to a battle of raw power versus utility, creativity, and versatility, and although Ilsa gave it a great run, ultimately that last tactical error cost her. In fact, that's how Kyu lost previously, by abandoning caution and going in for the finish. Adelaide is, unfortunately, not someone to be underestimated even in a friendly setting.
I would really like to see Ilsa begin using Shouaku Jukutatsu in a more specialized manner, by the way. As you've been using it, it's on par with Soshi -- a raw telekinetic force. However, SJ has the advantage of being capable of being used with precision and skill, something Soshi can't do. If you can create a weapon, you can use the feat to fight with it in tandem with your physical weapon.
+75 Div Bonus
Adelaide Pierce vs Ilsa Maruyama (3588) 179/179
Finny - 56/56
I'm glad to see you writing some more Picca. This was a great intro chapter into the mystery of the black box... aka that laptop that Kazimir led Arano to. I enjoyed a lot of the little humor, especially the pining for the tech expertise of any random teen in the living world. The precautions Picca sets in place and utilizes are pretty cool, actually, and make me wonder why Picca isn't going for 9th captain. Good chapter, and I look forward to reading the rest. Nice job name-dropping the Okunoin, by the way, because I always have a hard time remembering that name despite making it myself.
Sanctum (1120) 56/56
Berri - 80/82
I want to see what Mitsuyo can do if he really tries, but for that to happen, you need to get comfortable and write. When you do your turns in these fights, they usually turn out well. Mitsu's got a decent bag of tricks, but you need to get further in the fight to actually start using them. I like the general humor around Mitsu's unwillingness to fight despite being forced into the tournament, so if you don't want to get down and dirty with the combat, you could even play up that aspect of it all. There's not much more to say here, though.
Summed up: write more, woman!
Feng Yin vs Mineto Mitsuyo (1630) 80/82
Hare - 290/294
Taishuu was brutal and engaging, with a lot more action mingled in with the philosophy. You're getting better at mixing the two and providing a good, almost cinematic experience. It also feels like you took some of my feedback from the previous taishuu, because this definitely felt more like you were drawing Lucia out than just showing off how strong Haresuno is. Not much more to say here except good job, and congratulations to Lucia!
Stop using Granite Con against mental effects. How many times have you asked me if you can do that and I've said 'no' ..? You could have cleansed the physical speed alteration, if Adele had used it, but not his perception.
I actually put off reading this fight for a while due to not wanting to get involved in more drama until I had to. So, color me surprised to find out that Haresuno was actually surprisingly laid-back for this. That said, Adele's actions were far from overwhelming considering how lenient Haresuno was being. If he was at all serious, I could understand her being unable to respond, but the entire demeanor here seemed to be just pushing her to react, not overwhelming her utterly.
Haresuno still acted like a bully, but that's what we expect from him. A bully but with the intent to drive people forward (whether they like it or not). I still would have rather you equalized and still pushed for her answer. Non-equalized battles of this much disparity can be tedious when the other person is intentionally holding back. If you're going to hold back, what was the point of not equalizing?
Also... 'Broad shoulders?' Wasn't Haresuno thin like a reed?
+75 Div Bonus
Taishuu: Eyes on Glory (4530) 225/227
Haresuno Uchiharu vs Adele Ama (1339) 65/67
Ry - 74/77
I chuckled a lot during this chapter, although the fourth wall joke actually fell flat. "Now fight this boulder!" though, was probably the crowning moment, even though I think it might be a nod to FF14. I enjoyed the description of the kai spirit and the general interplay between the two. But... kittens?
Big Things are Coming (1530) 74/77
Bob - 85/91
This fight was kind of awkward to read. Lucas has always struck me as a fearless, bold character, but here it didn't feel as much 'bold' as simply 'reckless.' All sorts of problems pop up here, mainly in the repetition of failure. Big Bang gets repeated a lot, Soshi gets pushed forward as if it's his primary offense, Sealing Rings gets used twice. If your idea is to have Lucas be recognized as a bakudou master... he needs to demonstrated a greater understanding and usage of bakudou. Greater variety would help, as well. Lucas ran headlong at a character with demonstrated long-range capability, which I might have bought if he had used a stronger barrier first, like CIC.
Toward the end, you had a chance to push harder and go for the win, but at that point you stopped. Lucas didn't stop, you did. Fighting a Q is largely about breaking their stride and forcing them past their Shuuhaku. You started to do that but didn't follow through. Had you done that, you could have turned things around, but as it stands, you took too much damage and put up too weak a defense to award you victory.
Victory goes to Ishmael Seerauber.
Ishmael Seerauber vs Lucas Morrison (1812) 85/91
Ishin - 5/5
Tiny post is tiny. Not much to say here. I'm not even going to harp on the lack of a closing turn because I know you had real life stuff to deal with. Side note: Ishin is hard to write and in the end I gave up trying to emulate him. Sorry I couldn't pull out one of his usual taishuu speeches.
Taishuu: Eyes on Glory (109) 5/5
Katie - 560/571
The fight with Ilsa actually went really well. You two were surprisingly equally matched (although at one point you suggested that Ilsa's kidou was greater than Addie's limited, the opposite was true), with a lot of abilities on par in different ways. There were some tactical errors that really should have cost Adelaide, though, in particular utilizing Red Eye in the middle of a conflagration. Still, it was good usage of Hell/Soulfire to bridge the gap in kidou strength and versatility. This fight did bring to light something that's going to need to be fixed (not your fault in the least: this goes all the way back to Sene). Congrats on a well-played gambit!
The spectator turns in the taishuu started out good, with Adelaide playing a good supporting role both in her observations toward the start of the fight and her snark toward Matsurine. Even pointing out that it wasn't a proper trial by combat was a nice touch, and I'm a little disappointed that Lucia didn't hear it or question it. Where I begin to get disappointed, though, is when Adelaide starts getting depressed and referring to herself as a faux-captain. I would much rather her be pushed to succeed where she thinks she failed rather than just mope and decide that she failed (despite passing) and do nothing about it. I'm good with character dilemma and having Adelaide doubt herself, but it's becoming annoyingly persistent. At the very least, I'd like to see Adelaide seething at the idea of someone becoming a captain who she feels is even worse.
I don't have much to say about the spectator turns in Adele's fight except that I would rather if Adelaide let her subordinate handle herself. Giving encouragement is great, but don't turn her fight into Adelaide's.
The spectator turns in Alexia's fight... well, truthfully the part that bothers me most is Adelaide being so outright negative toward her supposed friend. I know that the last thing I read between them had Alexia slapping Adelaide and there was some tension, but I still felt like Alexia was looking out for Adelaide's best interests in a time of crisis. What happened, in-game, to warrant such a dismissive disposition? The argument with Tsubaki I actually found refreshing. It's going to sound bad to say this, but things between the captains have been too... amiable, for a long time. It's nice to have characters now that are each 'good' in their own way, but distinct enough to clash with each other and not feel forced.
Your chapter starts out with a couple 'the' instead of 'they' errors. Actually, small errors are littered throughout, and that's a shame because it distracts from the surreal depth of this descent and resurgence that Echo undergoes. It's strange how accepting she is of her death and how disappointed she seems when she realizes she isn't dying, but the void that she exists in for the space of this chapter is captivating and intriguing. I'm not comfortable reading about dying as an attractive thing, or I'd say I would like to read more of this. The writing itself possesses a kind of beauty, moral apprehension notwithstanding.
The fight against Zakki started out really well. There were a few minor typos like 'qas' instead of 'was' but nothing overly distracting. Echo seemed to really hit her stride here, blending her own strength with the strength of her illusions to put forth a very credible battle. This was on a whole other level from what you showed in the previous battle. That's why it leaves me so surprised that at the end you just kind of shut down. Although it was a powerful attack, I certainly don't think it was on the level of an unstoppable insta-kill, and Echo still had plenty of fight left in her the previous turn. What changed to cause such a sudden and dramatic shift? I suppose it led into that chapter, though, and now Echo has the unique distinction of being brought back from the dead (brought back from the living?). It still feels... odd.
Adelaide Pierce vs Ilsa Maruyama (4660) 230/233
Taishuu: Eyes on Glory (1825) 90/91
Haresuno Uchiharu vs Adele Ama (360) 15/18
Reijuu Kyuketsu vs Alexia Felone (900) 45/45
Wake the Dead (1275) 60/64
Echo LaSalle vs Zakki Shihara (2495) 120/125
My Writing:
Edit:
Now to the errors:
I’ve got a jar of diiiirt. Wow, I found an error, what a rare sight. But well, other than the stupid word protégé (<- see those apostrophes there, yeah I know stupid word) I don’t see errors here so who care
Just a heads-up that this isn't an error. I intentionally, manually remove accented letters along with most of MS Office's 'smart punctuation.' That includes curved quotes, curved single quotes, an ellipsis symbol, and extra-long dashes and hyphens. The reason? Because those things aren't native to the forum software's text editor, so in cases where the forum goes down and has to be reloaded from backups, those symbols are replaced with gibberish. Look at any of Wind's old writing for examples.
) and see if you can figure out how it would flow better as you read.
