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GM Review Thread

Dunno if its my place, but sev I was under the impression that using a hollow mask was supposed to be op. Super epic gains in exchange for a limit to how many rounds they can have it at one time.

"The price of being a hero, we can only use our masks for five minutes."

Love, Vizard, Bleach

Plus the inner hollow can attempt to gain control of its master if he becomes unwary meaning there would be tons of openings while the master tries to quash it.

On the other hand 20% is a freaking huge amount. I'm thinking maybe a 10-15% increase to all stats?
 
Dunno if its my place, but sev I was under the impression that using a hollow mask was supposed to be op. Super epic gains in exchange for a limit to how many rounds they can have it at one time.

"The price of being a hero, we can only use our masks for five minutes."

Love, Vizard, Bleach

Plus the inner hollow can attempt to gain control of its master if he becomes unwary meaning there would be tons of openings while the master tries to quash it.

On the other hand 20% is a freaking huge amount. I'm thinking maybe a 10-15% increase to all stats?
We'll consider what you said. Thanks for the generous thoughts, Zer. One major issue, however, is stat bonuses. Other than with increasing levels of UF/UR, we are eliminating stat bonuses from the HD system. Right now, the addition of another item plus an additional 10% reiatsu that can stack onto shikai/bankai is already very strong.

If you want to discuss this further, please IM one of the GMs to discuss privately.
 
Dunno if its my place, but sev I was under the impression that using a hollow mask was supposed to be op. Super epic gains in exchange for a limit to how many rounds they can have it at one time.

"The price of being a hero, we can only use our masks for five minutes."

Love, Vizard, Bleach

Plus the inner hollow can attempt to gain control of its master if he becomes unwary meaning there would be tons of openings while the master tries to quash it.

On the other hand 20% is a freaking huge amount. I'm thinking maybe a 10-15% increase to all stats?

We'll consider what you said. Thanks for the generous thoughts, Zer. One major issue, however, is stat bonuses. Other than with increasing levels of UF/UR, we are eliminating stat bonuses from the HD system. Right now, the addition of another item plus an additional 10% reiatsu that can stack onto shikai/bankai is already very strong.

If you want to discuss this further, please IM one of the GMs to discuss privately.

The mistake is in thinking the mask's direct bonus is all it does. When Love refers to the strength of a "hero," he's referring to all the vizard abilities. The "five minutes" is referring to that battle for control, because using the vizard abilities for too long gives the hollow more chances to take control.

The Mask may only give +10% Reiatsu and a modest item ability, but wearing the Mask also gives you access to a bonus Hollow attack in shikai, either a Resurreccion form or additional Hollow attack in Bankai, and a plethora of Hollow abilities which build rage but don't cost rei (or only have a partial cost in rei). Possessing the Mask also gives you access to one additional Unique Feat Slot, and two additional Division/Faction Tech Slots.

All of that is staying in full force, but the stat boost is being removed on two counts: first, because it's overkill when combined with all the other boosts Vizards are given, and second, because direct stat boosts are being phased out of the RP in the interest of balance.

Even the United Front series of abilities is more for modifying the strength of used techs, not the value of the stats in use.
 
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Cosmetic mostly, but as the rest of my abilities are getting a work over.

Old:
Feat Name: Lightbringer
Feat Type: Unique
Feat Description: (I'll probably do a more wordy version later.)
The Gist: Activating Lightbringer grants Tsubaki a longsword of living flame, powered by her own spiritual force. Strikes with Lightbringer hit with the power equivalent of whatever Tsubaki's pressure would be at after paying the cost of activating Lightbringer. The technique itself does not cost Reiatsu to activate, but instead lowers Tsubaki's Reiatsu pools in Sealed/Shi Kai and Ban Kai forms by 15%. This deduction in Reiatsu remains active until the technique is canceled.

For every 10,000 Reiatsu worth of pressure generated by Tsubaki, the force of her physical strikes increases by 1000 lbs. This increase in strength is calculated only after the initial cost of the technique is paid, and lowers in kind as the Captain uses Reiatsu. Spiritual beings can weather the sheer force, preventing them from being immediately shattered by the blow and instead the effect greatly amplifies the knock-back force. Non-spiritual and mundane objects can be easily destroyed by the ability.


New: (Will word it up later)

Feat Name: Tsuki No Kanashimi (Lunar Sorrow)
Feat Type: Unique
Feat Description: At a cost of reducing her total Reiatsu pools (In sealed, Shi Kai and Ban Kai), Tsubaki is able to conjure a greatsword of pulsing darkness. This deduction in totals remains active until the blade is resealed.

Strikes from this weapon work differently than one of full corporeal form, instead doing damage to the nerves and regenerative capabilities of the victim. Wounds inflicted by Tsuki No Kanashimi cannot be healed for 3 rounds after inflicted, and for an additional cost of 10% of Tsubaki's Reiatsu (which can be chosen to be paid or not when the attack lands) any healing or regeneration that would be applied to the injury is reduced in effectiveness by 50% for 5 rounds.

Once the total number of rounds for a given injury to be affected has been exceeded, the wound would begin to heal or repair normally as long as the victim has skills or spells to do so.
 
An exception was made for Aura of the Righteous Devil, due to the reiatsu boost being tied to a mechanic that's largely ignored, despite the fact that you got a lot of use out of its secondary effect.

GM Review is for minor cosmetic changes or balance fixes. Anything that changes the actual nature of the thing being reviewed has to be an actual submission.

Lightbringer has been used extensively, and is fully functional, even if based on an awkward means of measurement. If you want a different feat to replace it, then you need to purchase a resubmission.
 
Per the rule of staff havin to sub their own stuff here I present my vizard attack
Ability: Kyokukan (Siphon)

The single ability of Hisao’s zanpakutou is constantly active. The old’s man reliance on kidou to defend himself has caused his weapon to be able to draw off energy from the very demon arts its master is so dependent upon. When targets within 10m use reiatsu, 10% of the spent amount is stored within Gakuryoku. This energy can only be used for the sole purpose of casting more spells and does not take away from the actual damage of the ability used. The total amount of stored reiatsu in Gakuryoku cannot exceed more than 50% of Hisao’s kidou stat and is always drained first when a spell is cast. Hisao may not siphon his own reiatsu attacks.


Vizard Attack: Haitoku (Fall from Virtue)

Many vizards seek to subdue their hollow nature, resulting to peaceful meditation against the corruption plaguing their minds. Hisao Adachi is different. Rather than distance himself from the beast within, he full embraces his monstrous half. Using the hollow to augment the abilities provided by his zanpakutou.

This manifests as a boost in Gakuryoku's siphon to 15% whenever Hisao reaches above 30% rage. All other portions of the ability remain identical. This ability persists until Hisao drops below 30% rage, exits his shikai, or demasks.
 
Per the rule of staff havin to sub their own stuff here I present my vizard attack



Vizard Attack: Haitoku (Fall from Virtue)

Many vizards seek to subdue their hollow nature, resulting to peaceful meditation against the corruption plaguing their minds. Hisao Adachi is different. Rather than distance himself from the beast within, he full embraces his monstrous half. Using the hollow to augment the abilities provided by his zanpakutou.

This manifests as a boost in Gakuryoku's siphon to 15% whenever Hisao reaches above 30% rage. All other portions of the ability remain identical. This ability persists until Hisao drops below 30% rage, exits his shikai, or demasks.

Denied.

If the shikai was going to be balanced around permanent 15% drain, it would have been.

30% rage as a gatekeeper just basically means "always on at no cost."
 
*joins the GM Reviewing bandwagon*

This is one of my BK attacks. Want to remove the impetus of needing to have the sword in the ground to use the ability, increase the range of the spouts, and remove the limit on the number of spouts that can be controlled at once.


Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit by impaling any surface of the pit with his sword; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. When gripping the planted sword, he may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him and can control up to 10 spouts at once. Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 10-meter reach. Manzou must maintain a constant grip on the hilt for Kawatarou to work and pay 1% Reiatsu per round.

Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. He may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him. Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 20-meter reach. Manzou must pay 1% Reiatsu per round with using Kawatarou no Bekkan.
 
*joins the GM Reviewing bandwagon*

This is one of my BK attacks. Want to remove the impetus of needing to have the sword in the ground to use the ability, increase the range of the spouts, and remove the limit on the number of spouts that can be controlled at once.

Denied until you link the rest of the kai. You know better than that.
 
Da Kai
Shikai

Name
Tatsunokuchi (竜の口, Dragon-Headed Gargoyle)

Release Command
"Time to eat" (食べるべき時間, taberu jikan)

Form
Tatsunokuchi transforms into a large, double-edged cleaver-like sword that is taller than Manzou himself; the blade is nearly one and a half-meters long and shoulder width-wide, while the handle is half of a meter-long. There are two fangs at the top of the blade that curve inwards towards each other, one twice as long as the other. The crossguard is a thick, sectioned, flat hexagonal-like shape. The handle is connected to a beveled piece beneath the crossguard and is wrapped in bandages with a small dragon-head statue as the pommel.

The striking features of Tatsunokuchi’s shikai are the large fanged mouth aligned vertically along the blade surface and the tongue that protrudes from it; these features do not appear once the shikai is released, instead coming forth when the appropriate ability is used or at Manzou’s will. The mouth sits vertically on the flat side of the blade and is lined with fangs that can bite down on what comes within its reach. The tongue is thick and dotted with pore-like taste buds which secret a foul stench that none except Manzou can bare. It is rounded at the end like a human’s rather than split like a dragon’s and can withstand and deal a great deal of damage. The natural constitution of it is sticky with the saliva of the mouth compounding this. The sword is as heavy as it is large, though Manzou can wield it with great proficiency.

Ability
Mizuma (水魔, Disastrous Flood): Viscous saliva with a profound stench that none but the user can bare can be released from the blade’s mouth, either spit out or secreted from the mouth’s tongue; both forms of release have a maximum range of 20 meters and initially costs Manzou 5% of his maximum Reiatsu. Within the saliva are a countless number of microscopic parasites that seep instantly into the skin of the opponent upon contact and begin to feed on their insides, costing Manzou 5% Reiatsu for up to 2 more rounds. With each round that they continuously feed, they grow hundreds of times in size with the amount of flesh they consume increasing in proportion to their size; the maximum size in which that can grow is relatively the size of a large locust.

These parasites not only consume the opponent’s flesh from the inside, but their Reiatsu as well, the amount they consume equal to 15% of Manzou’s Reiatsu. This amount of Reiatsu is consumed after 3 consecutive rounds before they eat their way to the surface and die. They appear as a small undeveloped gargoyle with the head of a dragon. These dead organisms retain the reiatsu initially imbued in them by Manzou; the Reiatsu siphoned from the opponent is dispersed, unavailable to either party afterward. This Reiatsu can be absorbed through Manzou directly ingesting them or by the blade mouth ingesting them and then transferring the reiatsu to Manzou.

Ability
Nomihoudai (飲み放題, Bottomless Cup): After paying 10% Reiatsu, the blade mouth explodes to nearly three times its size and creates a void in which anything that is eaten by it disappears into, essentially nullifying the attack. This mainly applies to all directly-offensive Reiatsu-based attacks (such as both categories of Kidou and Cero), but this also includes physical forms of reishi- and kishi-based matter as well. Tatsunokuchi can either catch projectile attacks in its maw, physically eat away at physical bindings around Manzou, or break the reishi down by literally licking it with its tongue. Any attack less than the cost paid is absorbed into the void.



Bankai

Name
Nusuma no Hitsugi Tatsunokuchi (盗まの棺竜の口, Pilfered Coffin of the Dragon-Headed Gargoyle)

Form
Manzou forcefully throws his Zanpakutou into the ground which depresses the ground violently and instantly 30 meters in a perfect circle within the 10-meter radius around him. As the depression stops, one-by-one and row-by-row, 50 dragon-headed gargoyle spouts burst from the cylindrical wall of the pit from bottom-up, each spout relatively the size of a human’s head (5 rows with 10 in each). From the quadrants of the circular pit's bluff, four massive dragon-headed statues emerge from the ground, looming over the combatants below.

A black substance with the consistency of water, the animation of life, and the acidity of sulfuric acid slithers backwards out of each of the dragon spouts and quickly carves an intricate mural into the wall of the pit. These planar depictions of beings, both fictional and not, then protrude from the surface as three-dimensional sculptures. Each effigy represents a person that Manzou has slain in his lifetime, with more added for each time someone's life is taken by Tatsunokuchi's blade. A supernal shadow emerges, shrouding the walls and the volume of the pit itself from those standing all from its walls and outside the coffin's confines.

A single sword emerges from the ground directly in front of Manzou much the same in appearance as his Shikai with small differences. There is no thread or cloth for the hilt, only a long, straight black handle, nor is there a crossguard. The blade itself is mostly the same, though the gums and teeth in the mouth on the blade are now the same black gun metal as the blade. Unlike the blade tongue of the Shikai, however, Nusuma Tatsunokuchi’s tongue is now composed of amorphous black metal with a dragon’s head the same in appearance as the gargoyle spouts; it is flexible and moves independently, attacking like the weighted end of a kusarigama.

Ability
Jusui (入水, Suicide by Drowning): After paying 10% Reiatsu, with each cut made by Manzou on the opponent, an amount equal to 15% of his Reiatsu is withdrawn from the opponent over the next 3 rounds. This stripping of Reiatsu is represented in the saliva that then pours constantly from every one of the gargoyle spouts after the cut is made, enough to fill the entire pit up to knee-high level after the 3 rounds.

This saliva is slightly vicious, intensely putrid and extremely caustic---with acidity level near that of sulfuric acid---to anyone other than Manzou on contact. The Reiatsu imbued in Manzou’s blade before the cut is present in the saliva and returns to him after 3 rounds; the Reiatsu stolen from the opponent disperses, unavailable to either party afterward. The fluid won't drown either party though anyone other than Manzou will still be scalded viciously by it.

Ability
Shoushinjisatsu (焼き払う, Suicide by Fire/Burning One’s Self to Death): Whether or not the pouring of acerbic saliva is triggered by Jusui, Manzou can trigger the downpour himself, filling the pit at the same rate as the aforementioned ability. Paying 10% Reiatsu while the opponent is immersed in the pooling saliva, double that amount is taken from them over 5 rounds. The usage of this ability in unison with Jusui also expedites the rate at which the saliva pouring from the gargoyle spouts fills the pit; the rate increases to knee-high level (or roughly 1 foot) per round. The siphoning does not stack.

Ability
Chinamagusai (血生臭い, Bloody Stench): From each of the mouths of the gargoyle spout, a smell akin to that of a decomposed body is released. It is a nauseating smell that anyone other than Manzou is hindered by, tainting anyone else’s senses of sight, smell, and taste. It also serves to disorient the opponent’s ability to manipulate their spiritual energy effectively, resulting in the opponent now having to pay 5% of Manzou's Reiatsu in addition to the cost of any ability/attack they’re using. For this, Manzou must pay 5% Reiatsu upon the usage of the opponent's technique and the ability must be activated beforehand.

Attack
Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit by impaling any surface of the pit with his sword; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. When gripping the planted sword, he may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him and can control up to 10 spouts at once.

Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 10-meter reach. Manzou must maintain a constant grip on the hilt for Kawatarou to work and pay 1% Reiatsu per round.


Da Change: Removing impetus of needing to have the sword in the ground to use the ability, removing limit on number of attacking spouts used at once, and increasing range of the attacking spouts from 10 meters to 20.


Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit by impaling any surface of the pit with his sword; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. When gripping the planted sword, he may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him and can control up to 10 spouts at once. Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 10-meter reach. Manzou must maintain a constant grip on the hilt for Kawatarou to work and pay 1% Reiatsu per round.

Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. He may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him. Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 20-meter reach. Manzou must pay 1% Reiatsu per round with using Kawatarou no Bekkan.
 
So, there's a lot of things inherently wrong here. Needless to say, your requested change is denied. It goes beyond that, though, because this kai is broken in a number of ways.

The shikai ability, I will let pass since you have to actually eat the gargoyles to regain your reiatsu. The second ability is fine, although I feel the need to note that 10% is the overall limit. If there's two attacks at 8%, it wouldn't absorb both of them because they're individually less than 10%.

Bankai, from the top.


Nusuma no Hitsugi Tatsunokuchi

Original said:
Bankai

Name
Nusuma no Hitsugi Tatsunokuchi (盗まの棺竜の口, Pilfered Coffin of the Dragon-Headed Gargoyle)

Form
Manzou forcefully throws his Zanpakutou into the ground which depresses the ground violently and instantly 30 meters in a perfect circle within the 10-meter radius around him. As the depression stops, one-by-one and row-by-row, 50 dragon-headed gargoyle spouts burst from the cylindrical wall of the pit from bottom-up, each spout relatively the size of a human’s head (5 rows with 10 in each). From the quadrants of the circular pit's bluff, four massive dragon-headed statues emerge from the ground, looming over the combatants below.

A black substance with the consistency of water, the animation of life, and the acidity of sulfuric acid slithers backwards out of each of the dragon spouts and quickly carves an intricate mural into the wall of the pit. These planar depictions of beings, both fictional and not, then protrude from the surface as three-dimensional sculptures. Each effigy represents a person that Manzou has slain in his lifetime, with more added for each time someone's life is taken by Tatsunokuchi's blade. A supernal shadow emerges, shrouding the walls and the volume of the pit itself from those standing all from its walls and outside the coffin's confines.

A single sword emerges from the ground directly in front of Manzou much the same in appearance as his Shikai with small differences. There is no thread or cloth for the hilt, only a long, straight black handle, nor is there a crossguard. The blade itself is mostly the same, though the gums and teeth in the mouth on the blade are now the same black gun metal as the blade. Unlike the blade tongue of the Shikai, however, Nusuma Tatsunokuchi’s tongue is now composed of amorphous black metal with a dragon’s head the same in appearance as the gargoyle spouts; it is flexible and moves independently, attacking like the weighted end of a kusarigama.

Ability
Jusui (入水, Suicide by Drowning): After paying 10% Reiatsu, with each cut made by Manzou on the opponent, an amount equal to 15% of his Reiatsu is withdrawn from the opponent over the next 3 rounds. This stripping of Reiatsu is represented in the saliva that then pours constantly from every one of the gargoyle spouts after the cut is made, enough to fill the entire pit up to knee-high level after the 3 rounds.

This saliva is slightly vicious, intensely putrid and extremely caustic---with acidity level near that of sulfuric acid---to anyone other than Manzou on contact. The Reiatsu imbued in Manzou’s blade before the cut is present in the saliva and returns to him after 3 rounds; the Reiatsu stolen from the opponent disperses, unavailable to either party afterward. The fluid won't drown either party though anyone other than Manzou will still be scalded viciously by it.

Ability
Shoushinjisatsu (焼き払う, Suicide by Fire/Burning One’s Self to Death): Whether or not the pouring of acerbic saliva is triggered by Jusui, Manzou can trigger the downpour himself, filling the pit at the same rate as the aforementioned ability. Paying 10% Reiatsu while the opponent is immersed in the pooling saliva, double that amount is taken from them over 5 rounds. The usage of this ability in unison with Jusui also expedites the rate at which the saliva pouring from the gargoyle spouts fills the pit; the rate increases to knee-high level (or roughly 1 foot) per round. The siphoning does not stack.

Ability
Chinamagusai (血生臭い, Bloody Stench): From each of the mouths of the gargoyle spout, a smell akin to that of a decomposed body is released. It is a nauseating smell that anyone other than Manzou is hindered by, tainting anyone else’s senses of sight, smell, and taste. It also serves to disorient the opponent’s ability to manipulate their spiritual energy effectively, resulting in the opponent now having to pay 5% of Manzou's Reiatsu in addition to the cost of any ability/attack they’re using. For this, Manzou must pay 5% Reiatsu upon the usage of the opponent's technique and the ability must be activated beforehand.

Attack
Kawatarou no Bekkan (川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit by impaling any surface of the pit with his sword; each spout becomes amorphous and moves in the same manner as the tongue within the mouth of the blade in his hands. When gripping the planted sword, he may only influence the tongue in one of the swords within the 10-meter radius around him and can control up to 10 spouts at once.

Each can be finely controlled, moving with the proficiency of Manzou’s Zanjutsu stat (though this ability is still subject to the multiple-weapons control rule), and each mouth can bite down on what comes within its 10-meter reach. Manzou must maintain a constant grip on the hilt for Kawatarou to work and pay 1% Reiatsu per round.

Fixed Bankai
Bankai

Name
Nusuma no Hitsugi Tatsunokuchi (盗まの棺竜の口
, Pilfered Coffin of the Dragon-Headed Gargoyle)

Form
Manzou forcefully throws his Zanpakutou into the ground which depresses the ground violently, creating a circular pit 30m in radius and 30m deep. As the depression stops, one-by-one and row-by-row, dragon-headed gargoyle spouts burst from the cylindrical wall of the pit from bottom-up, each spout relatively the size of a human’s head. From the quadrants of the circular pit's bluff, four massive dragon-headed statues emerge from the ground, looming over the combatants below.

A black substance with the consistency of water, the animation of life, and the acidity of sulfuric acid slithers backwards out of each of the dragon spouts and quickly carves an intricate mural into the wall of the pit. These planar depictions of beings, both fictional and not, then protrude from the surface as three-dimensional sculptures. Each effigy represents a person that Manzou has slain in his lifetime, with more added for each time someone's life is taken by Tatsunokuchi's blade. A supernal shadow emerges, shrouding the walls and the volume of the pit itself from those standing all from its walls and outside the coffin's confines.

A single sword emerges from the ground directly in front of Manzou much the same in appearance as his Shikai with small differences. There is no thread or cloth for the hilt, only a long, straight black handle, nor is there a cross-guard. The blade itself is mostly the same, though the gums and teeth in the mouth on the blade are now the same black metal as the blade. Unlike the blade tongue of the Shikai, however, Nusuma Tatsunokuchi’s tongue is now composed of amorphous black metal with a dragon’s head; it is flexible and moves independently, attacking up to 5m away like the weighted end of a kusarigama.


Ability
Jusui (
入水, Suicide by Drowning): The dragon-headed gargoyles begin to spew putrid, dark-green bile that pools on the floor of the pit. By paying 5% reiatsu, Manzou can induce additional bile, filling the pit up to ankle deep at the end of the round; if paid a second time, the bile will rise to the knees at the end of another round. Movement through the nauseating sludge is difficult, even for Manzou; at ankle-level, standard movement is reduced by one quarter, and only high-speed techniques like shunpo can move normally; at knee-level, standard speed is reduced by one half, and attempting to use high-speed techs will sap 5% of Manzou's reiatsu from the user. The bile will only drain upon Manzou's will, at the same rate it took to fill.


Attack
Shoushinjisatsu (
焼き払う, Suicide by Fire/Burning One’s Self to Death): By coating the amorphous black tongue with additional saliva, at the cost of 10% reiatsu, if Manzou successfully wounds an enemy, that saliva clings to the wound. The thick, acerbic fluid burns at the victim's body, sending agony coursing through them for up to three rounds. This saliva is slightly viscous, intensely putrid and extremely caustic. While enduring the agony, the victim must pay an amount equal to 3% of Manzou's reiatsu for each technique used. By flooding the wound with reiatsu equal to that used by Manzou, however, they can neutralize the disgusting slime immediately.

Attack
Chinamagusai (
血生臭い, Bloody Stench): From each of the mouths of the gargoyle spout, a smell akin to that of a decomposed body is released. It is a nauseating smell that anyone other than Manzou is hindered by, tainting anyone else’s senses of sight, smell, and taste. By paying 10% of his reiatsu, Manzou can launch a giant wad of yellow-brown phlegm, from his own mouth or the sword mouth, with an even worse stench that is physically debilitating. Anyone within 5m of the phlegm must pay 5% of Manzou's reiatsu per round in order to remain conscious; the phlegm is extremely viscid and glutinous, and if it lands on an enemy is impossible to completely remove. The highly concentrated smell lasts for up to three rounds.

Attack
Kawatarou no Bekkan (
川太郎の別館, Annex of the River-Child): Manzou can remotely control any of the dragon-headed gargoyle spouts lining the cylindrical wall of the pit, forcing them to become amorphous and aim anywhere within the pit. These gargoyles spouts are capable of spewing a stream of highly caustic gastric acid. This ability costs 2% reiatsu and can only be used once per round, with one gargoyle. The concentrated acid burns for the entire round before being neutralized.

Explanations:

Form: mostly clearing up some awkward wording, clarifying the size, removing a few unneeded details, adding a range to the tongue.

First ability, getting your reiatsu back by doing nothing may as well let you have the ability for free... that ability being to burn everyone in the pit (except Manzou) and costing enemies 15% of Manzou's reiatsu for every cut. Subjecting enemies to a constant knee-high acid would basically mean Manzou can win just by sitting around and waiting for their legs to be eaten away.

Second ability, you're kind of just repeating the same, adding some ill-defined synergy with the first ability, except instead of having your reiatsu returned, you basically hit the enemy twice... using an attack they can't avoid.

Kind of flipped these around. Jusui is the one that fills the pit, only now with bile rather than acidic saliva. It fills automatically and is just gross. Then Manzou can pay 5% for a minor movement limitation. He can pay another 5% for a stronger movement limitation. He's not immune to this. It will only sap reiatsu if the user tries to use shunpo or something like it while knee-deep.

Shoushinjisatsu is now delivered on an attack by the tongue/dragonhead. This uses the burning saliva -- either the victim can pay to neutralize it immediately or they can try to be crafty/ use abilities sparingly until it fades away. Either paying immediately, paying over rounds, or avoiding strong abilities can all benefit Manzou, but also give the victim choices on how to handle the attack.

Chinamagusai affecting everyone was a big no. The only stipulation was it had to be activated, but there was no cost of activation. The stench still affects everyone, but to debilitate the user, you have to land an attack with phlegm -- although it still has an effect if it misses, since the area surrounding it becomes dangerous.

Kawatorou already allowed Manzou to hit pretty much anything not dead-center in the pit. Allowing him to turn all of the gargoyles into weapons simultaneously at a cost of 1% reiatsu would be absurdly unbalanced. Not to mention a little awkward since only the bottom rows could really have an impact, and there's no real defined way to fight back against them. Now it's a range attack which can come from any of the gargoyles, meaning at any given time one of them should be in range of the enemy, that fires concentrated acid that burns for one round.



 
Need to fix this:

Attack - Juusei(Multiple Star): Because of his ability to perform with multiple weapons Haresuno must pay 1% of his reiatsu per round if he wishes to fight without incurring a penalty to his combative stat. By extending this payment to 3% of his reiatsu per round, Haresuno may actively use his rods as though the were in his hands, gaining benefits from his collective stat as well as the ability to produce their rei-blades.

Dropping the immunity from the multi-weapon penalty and dropping the cost from 3% to 2%. Full kai below.

Xiezhi
Xiezhi


Zanpakuto: In it's sealed form, Xiezhi is no different from a standard katana in shape, weight, and fold. The tsuba, on the other hand, is a circular tan guard with falling leaves on either side of the blade.

Shi Kai

Manifestation: Originally, Xiezhi looked nothing more than a miniature European dragon with no wings. He stood three feet high with bronze scales lining nearly every part of his body. Each of his feet had three pearly-white claw, but as Haresuno slowly grew so, too, did Xiezhi. Three became four, and then four became five. Small spikes lined his reptilian back, from where his shoulders touched and down to the tip of his tail. Each spike was the same pearl-white color as his claws, and the majestic horn which curved away from his snout.

The spirit shares Haresuno cold, calculating azure eyes, but his are slitted. As if there on purpose - to show a stark contrast in balance - Xiezhi has two obsidian-black fangs that protrude from either side of his snout.

Now, however, Xiezhi is a full blown dragon. So massive that he nearly rivals Yggdrasil. He still retains the bronze scales, but now has a soft underbelly where corded muscles and veins can be seen underneath the flesh. The spikes and horn (now horns) are no longer white. Now they match the spirit’s bronze body. Only his fangs, claws, and eyes remain the same.

Even his mood has changed. From cold and testing, to friendly and accepting. This drastic change is attributed to the return of his full body, as well as the fact that Haresuno’s inner world is no longer simply a desolate desert. Now at the heart of the desert lies a forest - a true paradiso.

Command: Rei (Strive or Encourage)

Form: Xiezhi losses it’s katana appearance, and instead takes on the form of an intricate bronze-like staff. The etched design of Xiezhi is meant to give off the appearance that the staff is made from scales laid next to one another. While it looks like a staff, this is not Xiezhi’s true form, and when Haresuno wills it to Xiezhi emits a curved blade from either end. Revealing that it is, in fact, a scythe. The blade is made up of Haresuno’s reiatsu, and as such appears as a pulsing serrated edge with wisps trailing off every now and again.

Abilities:

Gekitai (Repulse/Repel) - By channeling 5% reiatsu into Xiezhi, Haresuno can create a powerful repelling force, which forces his target toward or away from himself within a 20 ft radius. The directions are straight and are designated by the thrust or slice of either Xiezhi’s head or Haresuno’s empty hand. Another effect of Gekitai is that anything similar to it cannot effect Haresuno or Xiezhi.

Shuugyou (Discipline) - Because Xiezhi can be either a staff or a scythe, whose styles are from respective schools of Hakuda and Zanjutsu, Haresuno is granted the benefit of a collective stat to compensate for his requirement to learn both schools.



Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi
Repulsion System Xiezhi

Ban Kai


Description: Upon releasing bankai a grove of trees sprout into full health around Haresuno for the next 50m, with an enormous oak tree materializing behind Haresuno at the center. The trees are in full bloom and as time progresses the leaves turn and then begin to fall, transitioning from summer to winter. When the final leaves fall, Haresuno has reached the limit of his bankai.

The center tree, Yggdrassil, itself is eight stories in height with massive roots and branches.

The bronze staff of Haresuno's shikai, 6'8" in length, separates into five equal pieces which slowly revolve around him. Within a five foot radius, Haresuno is able to control these rods at will, individually or connected together, coating them in his glowing white reiatsu, giving them a bladed edge. Haresuno can also project a gleaming white blade out up to twice the length of the rods in-hand.

Ability - Kishi (Knight): With the new form of his Bankai, Haresuno now has multiple weapons at his disposal. Due to their unique properties at being multi-weapons, Haresuno retains his collective stat. When not in hand each rod should be considered equal to Haresuno’s zanjutsu stat.

Attack - Koushou Gekitai (Advanced Repulse): No longer is Gekitai bound to a single direction at a time. At a cost of 1% reiatsu per rod per round, Haresuno imbues the weapons with a charge, able to create a diameter or line force with any number of the rods. Haresuno and Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi are immune to similar effects such as the Shou and Daishou.

Attack - Uchikesu (To Deny): By paying 5% of his reiatsu, Haresuno may attach two rods to an opponent and reverse their power - causing energy abilities, spells, and other projectiles within thirty feet to become attracted to the person, and lasts until the duration of the next round.

Attack - Juusei(Multiple Star): Because of his ability to perform with multiple weapons Haresuno must pay 1% of his reiatsu per round if he wishes to fight without incurring a penalty to his combative stat. By extending this payment to 3% of his reiatsu per round, Haresuno may actively use his rods as though the were in his hands, gaining benefits from his collective stat as well as the ability to produce their rei-blades.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Reviewing my A-rank because I don't have any memory manipulating abilities anymore.

Old:
Old
:: Kyakuhonka - “Scriptwriter" ::
Item: Unique
Rank: A
Appearance:

An upgraded version of the Rider-Waite tarot deck, this new version was created within Cerberus R&D. While the basic names and types of cards are the same, the only difference is the material. Based off a newly developed synthetic fiber, this substance easily accepts Ciro’s reiatsu, allowing him to use them in his abilities. The background of the deck is completely teal, with a set of white arcane markings dotting the card.​


Ability:

Created specifically for him, Ciro is able to extend the reach of his power to the tarot cards. Made in Cerberus R&D, this special deck allows him to use each individual cards as a medium for his powers. Passively, Kyakuhonka continuously draws out Ciro’s memories and stores them in the card as back-ups.

Furthermore, when activating his awakening abilities, by paying the full cost of the ability, instead of choosing one of his opponent’s memories, he can choose one of his own memories instead. He is able to activate a smaller version of this ability outside of battle, allowing him to create a non-corporeal illusion which takes up the space, roughly the size of a room which others can view. To form this illusion, Ciro pays 100 reiatsu. The illusion is completely unable to interact with the people or objects in the physical world

Acquisition:

Knowing full and well the memory wiping powers of the spiritual beings around him, Ciro realized that he needed a way to protect his memories to escape the devastating repercussions if he was to forget a particularly vital memory. Using a sample form his own DNA, the cards were created to work only for himself, allowing him to retain his knowledge permanently.​


Proposed Change:

Ability:

Created specifically for him, Ciro is able to extend the reach of his power to the tarot cards. Made in Cerberus R&D, this special deck allows him to use each individual cards as a medium for his abilities. Passively, Kyakuhonka continuously draws out Ciro’s memories and stores them in the card as back-ups. If Ciro has been the victim of a memory wiping device or ability, the cards glow a deep red, signalling him that his memories have been altered.

Outside of battle, Ciro is capable of creating an ethereal illusion of one of his stored memories, which takes up the space roughly the size of a room. To form this illusion, Ciro pays 200 reiatsu per turn activate.​
 
Need to fix this:

Attack - Juusei(Multiple Star): Because of his ability to perform with multiple weapons Haresuno must pay 1% of his reiatsu per round if he wishes to fight without incurring a penalty to his combative stat. By extending this payment to 3% of his reiatsu per round, Haresuno may actively use his rods as though the were in his hands, gaining benefits from his collective stat as well as the ability to produce their rei-blades.

Dropping the immunity from the multi-weapon penalty and dropping the cost from 3% to 2%. Full kai below.

Xiezhi
Xiezhi


Zanpakuto: In it's sealed form, Xiezhi is no different from a standard katana in shape, weight, and fold. The tsuba, on the other hand, is a circular tan guard with falling leaves on either side of the blade.

Shi Kai

Manifestation: Originally, Xiezhi looked nothing more than a miniature European dragon with no wings. He stood three feet high with bronze scales lining nearly every part of his body. Each of his feet had three pearly-white claw, but as Haresuno slowly grew so, too, did Xiezhi. Three became four, and then four became five. Small spikes lined his reptilian back, from where his shoulders touched and down to the tip of his tail. Each spike was the same pearl-white color as his claws, and the majestic horn which curved away from his snout.

The spirit shares Haresuno cold, calculating azure eyes, but his are slitted. As if there on purpose - to show a stark contrast in balance - Xiezhi has two obsidian-black fangs that protrude from either side of his snout.

Now, however, Xiezhi is a full blown dragon. So massive that he nearly rivals Yggdrasil. He still retains the bronze scales, but now has a soft underbelly where corded muscles and veins can be seen underneath the flesh. The spikes and horn (now horns) are no longer white. Now they match the spirit’s bronze body. Only his fangs, claws, and eyes remain the same.

Even his mood has changed. From cold and testing, to friendly and accepting. This drastic change is attributed to the return of his full body, as well as the fact that Haresuno’s inner world is no longer simply a desolate desert. Now at the heart of the desert lies a forest - a true paradiso.

Command: Rei (Strive or Encourage)

Form: Xiezhi losses it’s katana appearance, and instead takes on the form of an intricate bronze-like staff. The etched design of Xiezhi is meant to give off the appearance that the staff is made from scales laid next to one another. While it looks like a staff, this is not Xiezhi’s true form, and when Haresuno wills it to Xiezhi emits a curved blade from either end. Revealing that it is, in fact, a scythe. The blade is made up of Haresuno’s reiatsu, and as such appears as a pulsing serrated edge with wisps trailing off every now and again.

Abilities:

Gekitai (Repulse/Repel) - By channeling 5% reiatsu into Xiezhi, Haresuno can create a powerful repelling force, which forces his target toward or away from himself within a 20 ft radius. The directions are straight and are designated by the thrust or slice of either Xiezhi’s head or Haresuno’s empty hand. Another effect of Gekitai is that anything similar to it cannot effect Haresuno or Xiezhi.

Shuugyou (Discipline) - Because Xiezhi can be either a staff or a scythe, whose styles are from respective schools of Hakuda and Zanjutsu, Haresuno is granted the benefit of a collective stat to compensate for his requirement to learn both schools.



Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi
Repulsion System Xiezhi

Ban Kai


Description: Upon releasing bankai a grove of trees sprout into full health around Haresuno for the next 50m, with an enormous oak tree materializing behind Haresuno at the center. The trees are in full bloom and as time progresses the leaves turn and then begin to fall, transitioning from summer to winter. When the final leaves fall, Haresuno has reached the limit of his bankai.

The center tree, Yggdrassil, itself is eight stories in height with massive roots and branches.

The bronze staff of Haresuno's shikai, 6'8" in length, separates into five equal pieces which slowly revolve around him. Within a five foot radius, Haresuno is able to control these rods at will, individually or connected together, coating them in his glowing white reiatsu, giving them a bladed edge. Haresuno can also project a gleaming white blade out up to twice the length of the rods in-hand.

Ability - Kishi (Knight): With the new form of his Bankai, Haresuno now has multiple weapons at his disposal. Due to their unique properties at being multi-weapons, Haresuno retains his collective stat.

Attack - Koushou Gekitai (Advanced Repulse): No longer is Gekitai bound to a single direction at a time. At a cost of 1% reiatsu per rod per round, Haresuno imbues the weapons with a charge, able to create a diameter or line force with any number of the rods. Haresuno and Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi are immune to similar effects such as the Shou and Daishou.

Attack - Uchikesu (To Deny): By paying 5% of his reiatsu, Haresuno may attach two rods to an opponent and reverse their power - causing energy abilities, spells, and other projectiles within thirty feet to become attracted to the person, and lasts until the duration of the next round.

Attack - Juusei(Multiple Star): Because of his ability to perform with multiple weapons Haresuno must pay 1% of his reiatsu per round if he wishes to fight without incurring a penalty to his combative stat. By extending this payment to 3% of his reiatsu per round, Haresuno may actively use his rods as though the were in his hands, gaining benefits from his collective stat as well as the ability to produce their rei-blades.

The change you're requesting is really underwhelming, but replacing something that definitely needs adjusting. The rule for multi-weapon combat ceases to have a purpose if everybody who uses multiple weapons makes an ability to be immune to it.

Changed as below:


Xiezhi fixed

Xiezhi


Zanpakuto: In it's sealed form, Xiezhi is no different from a standard katana in shape, weight, and fold. The tsuba, on the other hand, is a circular tan guard with falling leaves on either side of the blade.

Shi Kai

Manifestation: Originally, Xiezhi looked nothing more than a miniature European dragon with no wings. He stood three feet high with bronze scales lining nearly every part of his body. Each of his feet had three pearly-white claw, but as Haresuno slowly grew so, too, did Xiezhi. Three became four, and then four became five. Small spikes lined his reptilian back, from where his shoulders touched and down to the tip of his tail. Each spike was the same pearl-white color as his claws, and the majestic horn which curved away from his snout.

The spirit shares Haresuno cold, calculating azure eyes, but his are slitted. As if there on purpose - to show a stark contrast in balance - Xiezhi has two obsidian-black fangs that protrude from either side of his snout.

Now, however, Xiezhi is a full blown dragon. So massive that he nearly rivals Yggdrasil. He still retains the bronze scales, but now has a soft underbelly where corded muscles and veins can be seen underneath the flesh. The spikes and horn (now horns) are no longer white. Now they match the spirit’s bronze body. Only his fangs, claws, and eyes remain the same.

Even his mood has changed. From cold and testing, to friendly and accepting. This drastic change is attributed to the return of his full body, as well as the fact that Haresuno’s inner world is no longer simply a desolate desert. Now at the heart of the desert lies a forest - a true paradiso.

Command: Rei (Strive or Encourage)

Form: Xiezhi loses its katana appearance, and instead takes on the form of an intricate bronze-colored staff. The etched design of Xiezhi is meant to give off the appearance that the staff is made from inlaid scales. While it looks like a staff, this is not Xiezhi’s true form, and when Haresuno wills it Xiezhi emits a curved blade from either end. The weapon is, in fact, a scythe. The blade is made up of Haresuno’s reiatsu, and as such appears as a pulsing serrated edge with wisps trailing off every now and again.

Abilities:

Gekitai (Repulse/Repel) - By channeling 5% reiatsu into Xiezhi, Haresuno can create a powerful repelling force, which forces his target up to 8m toward or away from himself. The directions are straight and are designated by the thrust or slice of either Xiezhi’s head or Haresuno’s empty hand. Haresuno and Xiezhi are passively immune to similar repulsion abilities.

Shuugyou (Discipline) - Xiezhi is a versatile weapon, capable of being a staff or a scythe, capitalizing and enhancing Haresuno's adherence to multiple disciplines of combat. When fighting hand-to-hand or using Xiezhi, Haresuno's prowess is measured as the sum of his Zanjutsu and Hakuda: Zanken.


Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi
Repulsion System Xiezhi

Ban Kai


Description: Upon releasing bankai a grove of trees sprout into full health around Haresuno for the next 50m, with an enormous oak tree materializing behind Haresuno at the center. The trees are in full bloom and as time progresses the leaves turn and then begin to fall, transitioning from summer to winter. When the final leaves fall, Haresuno has reached the limit of his bankai.

The center tree, Yggdrassil, itself is eight stories in height with massive roots and branches.

The bronze staff of Haresuno's shikai, 6'8" in length, separates into five equal pieces which slowly revolve around him. Within a 2m radius, Haresuno is able to control these rods at will, individually or connected together, coating them in his glowing white reiatsu to give them a bladed edge. Haresuno can project a white blade of reiatsu or multiple blades from each rod, not exceeding the total length of the rods. While in hand, however, the maximum length is doubled.

Ability - Kishi (Knight): Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi is a versatile weapon, capable of being a staff, a scythe, rods, or swords, capitalizing and enhancing Haresuno's adherence to multiple disciplines of combat. When fighting hand-to-hand or using the rods of Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi, Haresuno's prowess is measured as the sum of his Zanjutsu and Hakuda: Zanken.

Attack - Koushou Gekitai (Advanced Repulse): By channeling reiatsu into the rods of Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi, Haresuno can create a powerful repelling force, forcing his target up to 20m toward or away from the rod. Koushou Gekitai can be used in multiple directions at once. This ability costs 1% reiatsu per rod per round. Haresuno and Sekiryoku Houshiki Xiezhi are passively immune to similar repulsion abilities.

Attack - Uchikesu (To Deny): By paying 5% of his reiatsu, Haresuno may attach two rods to an opponent and reverse their power - causing energy abilities, spells, and other projectiles within 10m to become attracted to the person, and lasts until the duration of the next round.

Attack - Juusei (Multiple Star): At the cost of 4% of his reiatsu per rod used, Haresuno can lock an opponent in place. This requires at least three rods, which surround the opponent and simultaneously exert a powerful repulsion force. Once enacted, rods cannot be added or removed without breaking the effect and freeing the target.

Explanations: Changed most measurements to meters to line it up with the majority of the RP.

Adjusted some wording surrounding the combined stat and gave it a name.

In Bankai, the ability you were wanting to change... was affecting a limitation imposed in the kai itself. That seems a little recursive to me. The form of the bankai now allows for blades from the telekinetically controlled rods (although shorter than held ones), and Kishi specifies that the collective stat is for your weapon and hand-to-hand, not just weapons in your hand. Note that since the reiatsu blades don't have an inherent cost, treat them the same as physical blades.

A range has been added to Koushou Gekitai. No change to Uchikesu. Juusei changed to a new binding, variable between 12% and 20%.


Reviewing my A-rank because I don't have any memory manipulating abilities anymore.

Old:
Old
:: Kyakuhonka - “Scriptwriter" ::
Item: Unique
Rank: A
Appearance:
An upgraded version of the Rider-Waite tarot deck, this new version was created within Cerberus R&D. While the basic names and types of cards are the same, the only difference is the material. Based off a newly developed synthetic fiber, this substance easily accepts Ciro’s reiatsu, allowing him to use them in his abilities. The background of the deck is completely teal, with a set of white arcane markings dotting the card.


Ability:

Created specifically for him, Ciro is able to extend the reach of his power to the tarot cards. Made in Cerberus R&D, this special deck allows him to use each individual cards as a medium for his powers. Passively, Kyakuhonka continuously draws out Ciro’s memories and stores them in the card as back-ups.

Furthermore, when activating his awakening abilities, by paying the full cost of the ability, instead of choosing one of his opponent’s memories, he can choose one of his own memories instead. He is able to activate a smaller version of this ability outside of battle, allowing him to create a non-corporeal illusion which takes up the space, roughly the size of a room which others can view. To form this illusion, Ciro pays 100 reiatsu. The illusion is completely unable to interact with the people or objects in the physical world

Acquisition:
Knowing full and well the memory wiping powers of the spiritual beings around him, Ciro realized that he needed a way to protect his memories to escape the devastating repercussions if he was to forget a particularly vital memory. Using a sample form his own DNA, the cards were created to work only for himself, allowing him to retain his knowledge permanently.



Proposed Change:

Ability:
Created specifically for him, Ciro is able to extend the reach of his power to the tarot cards. Made in Cerberus R&D, this special deck allows him to use each individual cards as a medium for his abilities. Passively, Kyakuhonka continuously draws out Ciro’s memories and stores them in the card as back-ups. If Ciro has been the victim of a memory wiping device or ability, the cards glow a deep red, signalling him that his memories have been altered.

Outside of battle, Ciro is capable of creating an ethereal illusion of one of his stored memories, which takes up the space roughly the size of a room. To form this illusion, Ciro pays 200 reiatsu per turn activate.​

I like it, in a narrative sense, although it also amuses me, picturing Ciro poring over his deck every night before bed like a Magic TG addict.

Since it was an item, which doesn't require purchasing a resubmission, it didn't have to go to GM Review, but... approved.
 
I was going to change my shikai, but chose not to when I found my old one. I just wanted to change the form, and Lil said to post it here.

old
Name:Aquila
Command: "Shine bright and spread your wings Aquila"
Physical: Upon uttering the command, Lucas' blade disintegrates and forms into a buckler on each arm. Each buckler has a crescent blade stick out over his fists causing them to be a bit more dangerous. The bucklers are a shiny metallic color with hues of red, orange and yellow swirling around.
Ability: His release grants him greater proficiency with the kidou branch, bakudos. His skill has improved so much that when bypassing any bakudo its efficiency is at 100%.


Shikai: Shoul

Command:"Feast on the fear, Shoul"

Form: As the power is released the blade vanishes completely as it absorbed into the body. From his right arm a black, pointed blade grows out of it, as it reaches over his hand extending two feet. The shape of the blade wavers as a blackish, mist obscures the edges as faint green runes can be glimpsed beneath the mist. Lucas' body doesn't change with the release, other than for one single detail; His left hand and extending to just under his elbow is turned black as if it was burnt to a crisp.

Ability: While released Lucas is able to draw residual energy from the previous spirit that accompanied him, allowing him to cast all bypassed Bakudou spells at 100% efficiency.
 
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I was going to change my shikai, but chose not to when I found my old one. I just wanted to change the form, and Lil said to post it here.

old
Name:Aquila
Command: "Shine bright and spread your wings Aquila"
Physical: Upon uttering the command, Lucas' blade disintegrates and forms into a buckler on each arm. Each buckler has a crescent blade stick out over his fists causing them to be a bit more dangerous. The bucklers are a shiny metallic color with hues of red, orange and yellow swirling around.
Ability: His release grants him greater proficiency with the kidou branch, bakudos. His skill has improved so much that when bypassing any bakudo its efficiency is at 100%.


Shikai: Shoul

Command: "Feast on the fear, Shoul"

Form: As the power is released the blade vanishes completely as it absorbed into the body. From his right arm a black, pointed blade grows out of it, as it reaches over his hand extending two feet. The shape of the blade wavers as a blackish, mist obscures the edges as faint green runes can be glimpsed beneath the mist. Lucas' body doesn't change with the release, other than for one single detail; His left hand and extending to just under his elbow is turned black as if it was burnt to a crisp.

Ability: While released Lucas is able to draw residual energy from the previous spirit that accompanied him, allowing him to cast all bypassed Bakudou spells at 100% efficiency.



Revision accepted. The new appearance matches well with your bankai now. I just cleaned up a few of the sentences for clarity and punctuation.


Shikai: Shoul

Command: "Feast on the fear, Shoul"

Form: As Shoul's power is released, the blade vanishes completely and gets absorbed into the body. From Lucas' right arm, a black, pointed blade grows out of it and reaches over his hand, extending two feet. The shape of the blade wavers as a blackish mist obscures the edges as faint green runes can be glimpsed beneath the mist. Lucas' body does not change with the release, other than one single detail: the skin on his left hand, extending to just under his elbow is turned black as if it was burnt to a crisp.

Ability: While released, Lucas is able to draw residual energy from the previous spirit that accompanied him, allowing him to cast all bypassed Bakudou spells at 100% efficiency.
 
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Submitting the 10th div tech for a re-fit to bring it more in line with internalize and similar feats. My suggestion would be to change the cap to better match its contemporaries and also to observe the scaling and/or change the cost..


.:: Soshi ::.
(Elements)

Soshi refers to the purest elements of the spiritual realm that culminate into telekinesis -- the most basic, fundamental ability required of a shinigami to become a Mystic. A shinigami's journey in the Tenth begins with a keen awareness of the universe and an exceptional talent in reiatsu manipulation. The Mystic must be able to harness their spiritual energy and apply it in anomalous ways to the physical world.


With Soshi, the Mystic learns to move objects with their mind. Its range of effect is within a 15-meter radius. The strength of Soshi is directly related to 1/10th of the user's reiatsu in pounds, capping at 2,000 lbs. It costs the Mystic 1% reiatsu to perform this ability per turn. The reiatsu of others acts as a repellent to this ability, therefore, at no point can Soshi be used to levitate other spiritual creatures or people.


 
Submitting the 10th div tech for a re-fit to bring it more in line with internalize and similar feats. My suggestion would be to change the cap to better match its contemporaries and also to observe the scaling and/or change the cost..


.:: Soshi ::.
(Elements)

Soshi refers to the purest elements of the spiritual realm that culminate into telekinesis -- the most basic, fundamental ability required of a shinigami to become a Mystic. A shinigami's journey in the Tenth begins with a keen awareness of the universe and an exceptional talent in reiatsu manipulation. The Mystic must be able to harness their spiritual energy and apply it in anomalous ways to the physical world.


With Soshi, the Mystic learns to move objects with their mind. Its range of effect is within a 15-meter radius. The strength of Soshi is directly related to 1/10th of the user's reiatsu in pounds, capping at 2,000 lbs. It costs the Mystic 1% reiatsu to perform this ability per turn. The reiatsu of others acts as a repellent to this ability, therefore, at no point can Soshi be used to levitate other spiritual creatures or people.



Since Soshi's effect has a cap, it now has a flat cost. It is also switching over to the current Internalize model which does not measure directly by pounds but instead uses a more general visual. Adjusted below:

.:: Soshi ::.
(Elements)

Soshi refers to the purest elements of the spiritual realm that culminate into telekinesis -- the most basic, fundamental ability required of a shinigami to become a Mystic. A shinigami's journey in the Tenth begins with a keen awareness of the universe and an exceptional talent in reiatsu manipulation. The Mystic must be able to harness their spiritual energy and apply it in anomalous ways to the physical world.

With Soshi, the Mystic learns to move objects with their mind. Its range of effect is within a 15-meter radius. Soshi is capable of lifting large, bulky objects like wardrobes or benches with ease; at 5,000 reiatsu, this extends to being capable of lifting and throwing objects up to a mid-sized car. It costs the Mystic 200 reiatsu to perform this ability per turn. The reiatsu of others acts as a repellent to this ability, therefore, at no point can Soshi be used to levitate other spiritual creatures or people.
 

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