Character Sheets
Name:
March Inuzuri ;3
Sex:
Ewww no thank you I’m saving myself for marriage
Age:
Aquarian
Eyes:
Yep! All two of them! One doesn’t work though. These things should come with a warranty! =(
Hair:
Super long and also unmanageable. How does it know what length to grow back to when it gets burned off and stuff, though? A question for the ages 
!!!!
Name:
Crow
Sex
: Idiot. Don’t you know that ‘sex’ is more likely to earn you an immature joke than an actual answer? Next time, try ‘gender’ instead. Honestly, are you even qualified to be conducting this interview? Male.
Age:
30
Eyes:
Black
Hair:
Black. Mid-back length. Straight.
Name:
Mikael Layfield
Sex
: Male
Age:
17
Eyes:
Grey
Hair:
Light brown
The Interview
"What's your name? Do you have a nickname?"
March: Hello, everyone! Hello, ambiguous and anonymous interview-giver! *desu smile desu* I’m March – these days, most people just call me dead, though! Because I am supposed to be dead. *SMILE* Is this interview non-canon, or is there someone I need to be stabbing right now?
Mikael: Oh good, it’s you again. *dead fish stare aimed at March* I should have known. My name is Mikael Layfield. Er...I have a few nicknames, but that’s only because my name is hard to pronounce in Japanese. My closest friends call me--
March: *finger snap of recognition* Oooh! Dusty-fluff!
Mikael: No. That isn’t—
March: I knew I recognized that scowling face! It took me a second to recognize you with the...uh...face-stuff! Are you dead too?
Mikael: ...no.
March: My mistake. You just look dead, then. *bright smile*
Mikael: Yeah and you’re even worse than I remember. *turns attention to Crow* ...You seem familiar, somehow. Have we met? *means ‘are you a felon and/or on any Wanted lists?’*
Crow: *blink*...Hm? Oh, were you talking to me? *smug smirk* I wasn’t listening. You see, I instinctively tune out meaningless babble. But, to answer your question, no. We have not ‘met’. Had we, I assure you, you would remember it. My name is—
Mikael: It’s Crow isn’t it.
Crow: *stoic face* I. That. You...Just who are you to know my—
Mikael: I remember the description from the police reports. Long black hair in a ponytail, black eyes, creepy-flawless face, Asian appearance, and expensive clothes. It was the narcissism that gave it away, though. ...Christ, I just get stuck with all the criminal douchebags, don’t I?
March: Noooot a criminal.~
Mikael: Yes. You are.
March: Nope! I’m not a criminal, I’m dead.
Crow: *stoic face*
Mikael: ...I’d try to arrest you guys – or at least handle you so the police could do it – but I don’t think anything here is happening in any real sense, so it’s not like it’d stick.
Crow: *never going to stop sulking about his introduction being ruined* ...Wait what?
"Where and when were you born?"
March: Don’t remember aaand don’t remember! I heard a quote once, you know: “Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.” In which case it’s a good thing I don’t need any keys to the future, being not-alive and all.
Mikael: ...*too tired to even argue with all the crazy happening right now* December 31st, 1995, in Tokyo, Japan.
Crow: Japan, 1983.
March: And here on your left, kiddies, you can observe a lying liar who lies in action!
Crow: If I placed any value in the opinion of a clearly insane, self-proclaimed dead person, I might be offended by that.
March: And if I were alive, I might be offended by that. Also I would probably try to stab you...but for unrelated reasons!
Crow: What—
March: But luckily, I’ve already stabbed me, and so I’m not alive. *smile!*
Crow: ...What...?
Mikael: *would tell Crow not to bother trying to use logic, but doesn’t give friendly advice to store robbers*
"Where have you lived?"
March: All the places. All of them. Except Antarctica. There is no ‘living’ in Antarctica, you see. Antarctica is where you go if you love snow, ice, penguins, snow, seals, snow, ice, killer whales, snow, and eternal loneliness.
Mikael: ...I—
March: You know it actually doesn’t sound half-bad. *thoughtful look*
Mikael: ...I’ve always lived in Tokyo. I visited America once, but only for a week or two.
Crow: That isn’t information I’m just going to divulge in front of...*side-eyes Mikael*...potential future nuisances.
Mikael: I won’t remember it outside of these weird interviews anyway. *dull face*
Crow: And I have what proof of that? Please, do you take me for an idiot?
Mikael: *not going to answer that, it would be immatu--*
March: I do! *raises hand!*
Crow: *never forgive; never forget; will find this man and put him in a teddy bear; an ugly teddy bear; with no eyes*
"Do you have any living family members?"
March: Do I have any what-ing whonows? Really, interviewer-chan, it’s like you don’t know me at all. You know, if you weren’t a faceless and bodiless entity, I would totally be killing you now just to prove a point. *considering look* Maybe I could try anyway...? What do you think, Dusty-fluff?
Mikael: ...I...*pained look* ...My...
March: Fantastic! Dollface? ...*stage whispers at Crow* That’s you.
Crow: *busy side-eying Mikael* ...Is he okay? If he has a stroke or an aneurism or whatever it is over-taxed Japanese schoolchildren have nowadays, I’m not staying here until the police arrive.
March: You’re a true role-model for us all, Dollface. He’s fine. You’re fine, aren’t you Dusty-fluff?
Mikael: *scowls* I don’t need you worrying about my health. I’m fine. *hand goes straight to necklace-chan for reassurance*
March: Seems legit!
Crow: *crosses arms* ...By whose definition of the word? Anyway. To answer the current question: No. I have no family.
Mikael: *mutter* Next question, please.
"What kind of schooling have you had?"
March: I didn’t have schooling. *smile*
Crow: Should I act surprise—
March: Schooling had me.
Crow: ...
March: School is over-rated anyway! Did I need a positive, controlled learning environment to be able to speak a dozen languages, captain a ship, or play the violin? Nope! Ya see, that’s just life. Life on the street.
Crow: Right. If you’re done, I—
March: Homicide: Life on the Street.
Crow: *an ugly, eyeless, unstuffed teddy bear* Unlike some people, I place value in intellectual pursuits. Humbly speaking, I am a genius in matters of physics and engineering physics. It’s a requisite in my line of work.
Mikael: Being a comic book villain?
March: Do you contradict yourself all the time intentionally, Dollface, or is it just an endearing character quirk?
Crow: Deride me if you must, plebeians. At the end of the day, you know nothing about me or my goals. *HMPH*
March: With an attitude like that, I wouldn’t wanna ride you anywhere.
Mikael: *and what kind of person uses the word plebian un-ironically in a sentence?* Right. I’ll be graduating high school this year. I’m an honor student, I guess, but...I’m still working on my priorities.
"In what situation is your self-esteem most at risk?"
March: I don’t believe in self-esteem!
Crow: ...
Mikael: ...
March: Or risk!
Crow: I—
March: Or situations!
Crow: *eyetwitch* My confidence is well-founded and unshakeable. Look around; compared to the paltry, quavering, pathetic masses, I have no reason to doubt myself.
March: ...Or superlatives.
Mikael: *distracted muttering* Any situation where I know someone is guilty of a crime, but I can’t do anything about it... Or – more rarely – when I’m...not sure what the right course of action is.
"What are you keeping a secret?"
March: From what I understand, there’s no such thing as secrets anymore! Everyone has mind-reading, these days. That or Google.
Crow: Plenty. I assure you, my elusiveness is quite intentionARGH *smacked in the face*
March: *smacks in the face* I’m sorry not really though– it’s just that, the longer you keep making words with your face, the more likely it gets that this interview is gonna end in a March’s Murder-happy Maiming-time Extravaganza. And then everyone would be dead, which I have been told is a bad thing. For people who aren’t me.
Crow: *so relieved he figured out how to possess things without their injuries causing him pain* Please, as if you could actually kill me.
March: *smile*
Mikael (?): *darker distracted muttering*...I...Everything.
March: ...Ominous!
"What are you lying to yourself about? To others?"
March: The best thing about having no long-term memory: I don’t even have to lie to be lying! Now think about that statement.
Crow: To myself? Nothing. As I touched upon in the prior question regarding self-esteem: I’m not so insecure as to need to coddle myself. I set myself to higher standards. To others? Again broaching the previous topic, I don’t lie to others: I keep secrets. Lies have an unpleasant tendency to pile up, and all it takes is one slip-up to unravel even the most carefully-constructed network. No, it’s far easier to remain a mystery. In fac--*smacked in the face again*--STOP THAT!
March: Don’t say I didn’t warn you already. *tehe*
Mikael (?): Everything.
March: Ahahaha – kids!
"Is there anyone in your life that you are attracted to?"
March: OH YES. MY FEELS, LET ME TELL YOU THEM!
Crow: *edges away from the crazy*
March: *throws arm around Crow’s neck, pulling him close*
O’ fair Sayis!
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!
I love thee to the depths and breadths and height,
Thy words might reach, were they not always right.
Ending my Being was my act of Grace.
My love for thee, facts and truths cannot faze!
And when thou speaks, to persuade or to fight.
I love thee for it: thy words are thy might;
I love thine ire, give me not thy Praise.
I’d have loved thee more, but thou stayed thy hand,
Thru a hollow world, and hollow words, too.
I love thee still – but thou art stupid, and,
Seeking an end from thee? A wasted breath.
Thus I ended things myself, just~as~planned!
But miss me not: I am better in death. ~
Crow: .....*what the hell did he just listen to*
March: *TEE HEE*~
Crow: No. *elbows March away* For me to be attracted to anyone in my life, someone in my life would have to be capable of intelligent thought. As of yet, I’ve found no one who meets this criteria.
Mikael (?): Yes.
March: !! *BEAMS* ....Weeeelllll?
Mikael (?): Well?
March: Well – details! Give us details!
Mikael (?): *bland stare* I don’t do poetry; I answered the question. That’s all that’s required.
"What scares you about this person?"
March: Ha! See? Unidentified question-giver’s got my back! What scares me about Sayis? ...His fashion sense. Poor guy just doesn’t have any! It’s all flowery Hawaiian shirts and grandpa-style windbreakers with him. He makes the hilarious shinigami get-up look reasonable by comparison. And that is saying something.
Crow: *frown* Are you really going to continue this line of questioning as though every interviewee answered the last question in the positive?
Mikael (?): What he— ...What I don’t know about him. His nature.
March: *smile* Pronouns are hard, sometimes.
"What do you think he or she can do for you that no one else can?"
March: ...Ohohooh I think you know. *suggestive eyebrow waggle* ...Or at least I hope you do, ‘cause I don’t! Before, I would have gone with ‘kill me!’ – but that doesn’t really apply anymore. What with me being dead and all. And killed. By someone that wasn’t him. It was me I did it. ...Now I guess I’m just drawn in my his ~boundless charm~ and ~rakish good looks~. Also he’s taking care of my ghost-cat, so there’s that.
Crow: In keeping with the previous two questions, this question doesn’t apply to me. And is therefore stupid. That is all.
Mikael (?): Understand.
March: You know, Dusty-fluff... As a Grade-A weird person myself, I think I am qualified to say that you are being weird-o-rific. And you feel...different...somehow...?
Mikael (?): No.
March: Well that settles that, then! Next question!
"What does this person know about you that no one else does?"
March: Oh, you know, this and that. *blank smile* Things.
Mikael (?): ...Nothing.
Crow: Are there going to be many more questions on this horridly-banal, waste of a subject? If it’s all the same to you, I’m going to ignore you until a new line of questioning crops up. *props head on hand and stares pointedly at the nearest wall*
"How do you decide if you can trust someone?"
March: You don’t! *smile* ...Ever! *SMILE* There’s that one saying – that dead men tell no tales – so you’d think you could trust them... but, OOPS, NOPE, I’ve met plenty of untrustworthy ghosts. I’m one, myself, now! At least for the purpose of this interview! Shady shades, you might call us. Huh? Huh?
Mikael (?): I touch them. *deadpan*
March: *LOL DAS GHEY*
Crow: *giving the other two his most disdainful sidelong glance right now* Hmph. Our resident dead man is perhaps correct, for once. Everyone will betray you, it’s only a matter of which they will betray you for: price or principle.
"How do you know you love someone?"
March: When they have gray hair, a goatee, terrible fashion sense, and introduce themselves to me using magical swords and dismemberment! *affectionate sigh*
Crow: ...*alarmed, bewildered look* ... *NO WAIT – catches himself, crosses arms, and pointedly does not ask* Love is just a flowery, idealized term for the coupling of affection and lust. The only reason the concept of love is so...romanticized is because most people are simple-minded morons.
Mikael (?): ...When your life changes because they are in it; when their happiness is your happiness, their sorrows your sorrows, their pain your pain. When you would sacrifice your everything for their sake.
"What parts of loving come easy to you ? Hard?"
March: Hee. You said hard. Pffffttthahahaha! Hahahahaha—
Mikael (?): Devotion to a person is easy. Knowing when to let them go...is not, apparently.
March: --hahahahahahahaha—
Crow: *blandly watches March roll around in his chair crying from laughter* Another question which in no way applies to me.
"When you walk into a room what do you notice first? Second?"
March: Things that annoy me! There are lots of those! Once I’ve gotten rid of them, I look for munchies! Or I did, anywho! As a dead person, I don’t do much walking anywhere at all – or eating. Or existing, really.~ *laces fingers over knee*
Mikael (?): What I am there for; my target, or goal. People, and what type of person they are: civilian, friend, enemy, or an unknown variable.
Crow: Whether I’m alone or not. if I am, then I notice decorations; If I’m not, I assess the stupidity of the people I am forced to temporarily share space with. *meaningful look at his fellow interviewees*
"How would you change the world? The things around you? The people around you?"
March: I wouldn’t. I’d rather I hadn’t.~ *BRIGHT SMILE* Change is overrated – and technically speaking, people change the world, the things around them, and the people around them just by existing! Non-existence is what’s in, nowadays – didn’t you know?
Mikael (?): *stare* I want to...to make everything...better. I want to change things.
Crow: *smug grin* I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait and see.
"How do you learn best?"
March: Practice! Practice makes perfect! Especially when you have decades and decades – and the infinite life cheat code – to get things just right! Trust me – break a few limbs, fall to your death, and get caught by people who want to kill you a couple thousand times, and you too can be as awesome at running away from things as I am! ...Was! Remember, I’m dead now. I got so good at running, I was able to outrun life. ...Think about it.~
Mikael (?): Writing information down, categorizing it, and then implementing it. Then repetition.
Crow: I’m a genius *in case you forgot* -- learning comes naturally to me. Unlike so many people, I know how to listen. To watch. To pay attention to the important details and ignore the irrelevant ones. Any sponge can absorb information – it takes an intelligent mind to apply what they’ve learned in a productive w--ARGH
March: *casually backhanded Crow* I got bored! *smile*
"What are your goals in life?"
March: Achieved.~
Mikael (?): *frown* I answered this already. I’m going to change things.
Crow: *forever a smug look* For one, to keep the useless masses from knowing my goals in life.
"What unusual hobbies or interests do you have?"
March: *smile* I like to find and lay claim to abandoned, derelict, condemned, and uninhabitable buildings. And then I live in them! ...Or, well, no, wait – that used to be my hobby. When I was alive. I don’t live anywhere now...ya know...because I’m dead. Does ‘being forever dead without having my spirit move on to Soul Society or Hell’ count as an unusual hobby?
Mikael (?): Some might consider my lifestyle in general to be an unusual hobby or interest. *deadpan stare*
Crow: Considering that the average crowd is generally about as educated as a herd of cattle, my work in applied sciences must be simply mind-boggling for—*SMACKED* ...WHY?
March: Yeah I don’t even have a reason this time. Just wanted to hit you!~ Has anyone ever told you that you have a very hittable face?
"What are you most afraid of?"
March: Tater tots.
Crow: ...
March: Luckily, there are no tater tots in death.
Mikael (?): ...Failing.
Crow: ...Hmph. I’m not naïve enough to state my fears for public record. Next question.
"If you had one wish, what would it be?"
March: Hmm... Nonexista—no! Even better! A time machine! A working one. Not one of those ‘you can’t change the past’ ones – those are like the generic brand. If I am traveling through time, I better be able to muck around all I want.
Crow: Talking about ‘wishes’ is self-indulgent. I don’t have wishes, I have plans and goals.
Mikael (?): I’d go back and change things.
March: Hey! Get your own wish! Copycat...
"What do you like best about yourself?"
March: ...
Crow: ...
Mikael (?): ...
March: ...? ...Hm? Oh! No, no, no. I decided I’m changing our order. I wanna answer last now.
Crow: ...Dare I ask wh—
March: Because you two’s broody, moody, serious answers keep ruining my amazing, charming, witty answers. It’s no good. You go.
Crow: ...Right... Then, my intelligence. *sneer*
Mikael (?): ...My dedication to what I do.
March: How wonderfully dead I am. *self-satisfied smile*
"What do you like least about yourself?"
Crow: *sneering intensifies* Do I look like someone wallowing in petty insecurities?
Mikael (?): Yes.
March: Innumerable insecurities.
Crow: The question was rhetorical. Mock all you want –
March: Careful what you say, man – I mean, I can mock a lot –
Crow: --I’m not answering. You two do as you wish.
Mikael (?): ...*what? Oh right* Sometimes I fail. *unacceptable*
March: That my deadness keeps being set aside for omake and shenanigans. Rude!
"What do you like best about your best friend?"
Crow: What?
Mikael (?): I...don’t...
March: Ahahahaha! You think we have friends? Have you been paying any attention to this interview?
"What do you like least about your best friend?"
Crow: *clears throat* I—My – What I do...that is... Look, my goals don’t allow time for petty acquaintances and shallow friendships.
Mikael (?): *thousand-yard stare*
March: I’ve had a few frenemies though. You know, people you try to kill, only it doesn’t really work out, and then they do kill you, only it doesn’t stick because – haha, jokes’s on them! – you’re immortal, so you just fall into a pattern of regularly terrorizing each other as a reminder that “Hey! I’m still alive! I still want you dead!”? No? If you’d ever met me, I’m sure you’d understand. *smile* Or be dead! *bigger smile* Like I am now!
"What do you think other people think of you?
Crow: *hmph* How would I know? I don’t read minds. And why would I care? People are fools.
Mikael (?): *thousand-yard stare*
March: ...*petulant face at Mikael* I’m not answering ‘till you do. I don’t care howblue-screened you are.
Mikael (?): *slow blink* ...Most likely, they think that I’m strange. Smart, but too antisocial and serious. My hair is too long, and I’m too short for my age. Some people are probably afraid of me. *dark look* They should be.
March: Informative and ominous. I like! *smile* People probably think “Wow, that March guy sure is dead!” And you know what? They’re not wrong!
"Your teachers?"
Crow: All thought I was a genius, because I am. The ones that didn’t were just too stupid to realize it.
Mikael (?): Most don’t care. I’m quiet, make excellent grades, and I stay out of trouble. A few seem concerned about my increasing absenteeism.
March: Aren’t teachers people? Shouldn’t they be covered under the previous question? Well, no matter! I don’t have teachers! ...Or they died? Can’t remember! Either way, they aren’t thinkin’ much about me.
"Peers?"
Crow: No such thing. *looks down his nose at humanity in general*
Mikael (?): Covered in the question before the last. I’m smart, short, and I keep to myself. Other students find it strange that I wear gloves, but I’m polite enough. I don’t stand out.
March: Do...you mean...other corpses? Because I’m not so sure they have much in the way of opinions. Or thoughts. Or brain functions in general. I mean, I could ask around, but – oh, no, wait. I couldn’t. Dead!
"Best friends?"
Crow: *scowls* We’ve already been over this.
Mikael: *distracted blink* I don’t know. I don’t...speak to my school friends much, recently. I’m busy.
March: Frenemies! And I’d bet they think I’m just the best. Just don’t ask me how they think I’m the best or what they think I’m the best at – it’s a secret. *best at being the worst*
"Parents?"
Crow: *annoyed twitch* Irrelevant.
Mikael(?): *vaguely creepy smile* They’re proud. After all, they’re my motivation.
March: *shrug* Iunno! Again, either dead, or didn’t have them! One of these probably makes more sense than the other, though... It’s a mystery.~
"Siblings?"
Crow: Still irrelevant.
Mikael(?): I have a brother, Stephen. *smile fades a bit* I’m sure he’s proud, too.
March: Did you know that non-dairy creamer is flammable? True story. *patient smile*
"Other family members?"
Crow: *angry sound* Moving on...?
Mikael(?): ...No.
March: Did you know the plastic bits on the end of shoelaces are called aglets?
"What’s your greatest source of frustration?"
Crow: Idiots, their idiotic actions and their idiotic questions. This interview is ranking higher on the list with every ridiculous, redundant question, for example.
Mikael(?): My current limits. *necklace touch*
March: Did you know – oh, new topic! Waiting. Waiting is the worst. Waiting at the doctor’s office, standing in lines, waiting for a light to turn green... It’s just awful. Follow my advice, people – don’t wait! Go! What’s the worst that could happen? Getting politely asked to leave? Getting arrested? Vehicular manslaughter? C’mon, live a little! Or, ya know, don’t. Being dead is fine too. *thumbs up*
"What’s your greatest source of joy?"
Crow: My accomplishments. Being able to...do what I do. To mix my genius with my unique abilities and create something no one else could.
Mikael(?): ...I wouldn’t call it joy...but I take pride in what I do. It’s...satisfying. *intense look*
March: ...I’m dead!
"What are you especially proud of in your life?"
Crow: This. What I am now. *eyes narrow* What I’m going to be, and what I’m going to do. I’m making a place for myself.
Mikael(?): *frown* I already answered this.
March: I...*distracted pause*....Nope! I lost it! Ask Say-chan, he probably knows! I'ma go with more being dead!
"If you could change anything about your life what would it be?"
Crow: I’m beginning to regret this pathetic interview. Maybe I’d erase it from history. *HMPH*
Mikael(?): I would have begun to act earlier. *as serious as he is vague*
March: How dead I used to not be. The greatest tragedy of all!
