Ketch, Colin, and Moony split division bonus
Atracon:
Alright, where to begin on this one... There’s a lot of really good bits and a lot of bits that could use work. I’m going to start off with my overall impressions and then sort of section off into individuals so let’s get started.
As a whole, this collab was a fun read. Everyone did a great job in making it feel like a high-stakes fight. There were a lot of interesting tactics and the back and forth in the fight was overall really good. Even through Arano’s pause button overdrive, you guys kept the tension high and prevented it from simply lagging through that section. The turns in general seemed to flow directly into one another and there was little to no repetition between them, so fantastic job on that.
But, there were some elephants in the room that need to be talked about. Parts of this fight seemed to, how should I put it, simply spiral out of control. This mainly is something I’ve seen in general in the RP as of late, and I feel should be addressed. I think what many people forget is that each turn is a finite set of time. While we don’t tend to put direct time markers on the length of turns, they’re supposed to be quick bursts of time. As such, there is physically only so much that can happen in that window. Sure there are work arounds, i.e. fast acting and slow acting abilities, but none-the-less, there’s already an upper cap of what can occur in a turn.
What I noticed often was that one person would push that boundary, for example stacking hollow attacks, causing another character to respond with even more abilities at once, creating a spiraling of abilities. There’s nothing wrong with launching simply defending an attack and responding with a simply but tactical strike back. I don’t see the reason to unload huge amounts of reiatsu every turn, when things like that are usually saved for climactic finishers. It seems to overall dilute the effects of these cool moves when they’re used almost every other turn.
Going into individuals, I’ll start with Moony. Your fight writing has improved leaps and bounds which is always fantastic to see. However, throughout this collab, I felt that Zakki spent most of the time being eclipsed by the others. You really need to play up Zakki’s strengths, and make him shine a bit more. I feel like this could be done through really adding descriptives to your turn to play up their strength and power. After all, considering he’s throwing radioactive darts and rods, I feel as if there’s a whole lot more possibility that can be added into that.
Colin, as usual you have a great grasp over the tone of a fight and really stay in character when it comes to actions and reactions. However, I saw a lot of the previous ability vomit in some of your turns. This may have come from writing both Mouko and Arano at once. There were some points, mainly the enormous turns that really were filled with ability spam. It’s something that I need to work on too, but in general, there’s no harm in keeping responses simple.
Ketch, you need to plan out your hollow as a whole before diving into the writing. It seemed to have a menagerie of abilities that caused the entire thing to appear this unfocused mess of a threat. Blood explosion, madness infection, tentacle attacks, it really seemed to be a hodgepodge of many abilities. As such, it also caused some of the ability vomit as you’d use many unconnected abilities at once. Sometimes one ability, that can be used creatively, can allow for a lot of opportunity.
PM BONUS NOT INCLUDED
Moony: [160/168]
Colin: [265/272]
Ketch: [169/179]
Ketch
Fearmonger [70/72]
It’s refreshing to see someone fail what seemed to be a training collab. More often than not people just kind of go through the ropes and learn it. The back and forth between Manzou and Tsubaki was interesting and there was a lot of tension built up. I feel as if it could have been slightly longer as the end seemed to quickly defuse the tension and didn’t seem like a powerful climactic moment to me. Other than that though, your writing and characterization was great.
Tom
The Melencholy [157/157]There's alot of dry humor in your writing which I find fantastic. What I like more is that the humorous comments are interwoven between actual plot narrative which gives it a great flow. It almost seems darkly comedic to me which is a writing genre that I find refreshing in the RP as we don't really have many writers who enjoy venturing into that territory. You're piecing together a really great ensemble cast too, which I love. A well developed cast of characters creates so many story opportunities and actually makes pchaps seem more like the creation of a world rather than a linear story.
Rob
Resurgence [52/56]
Alright so, I’m confused. Maybe the thought of Nana actually being a god confuses the crap out of me. While I applaud the creativity behind it, I’m honestly left with a bunch of nagging questions on how far this plot is capable of stretching without going into the over-the-top area. I feel as if you should plan out the rest of this arc carefully, because the whole shinigami-god-but-not-really is making me feel rather wary. Maybe I’m simply making a quick judgment without knowing the rest of the plot though. Mechanics and story structure wise though, this chapter was written well. Just the plot man.
