OK Group 3, had a crazy weekend, there may be a dead hooker in my bathtub and I'm pretty sure the Canadian Mafia knows me by my street name 'Heisencad'. Either way, I'll do my damnedest to get you some grades tonight. If nothing else, by the deadline. Link me, bitches!
12th
Mi to the tsu
Back in the Saddle Again
57/59
Cheesey collab is cheesey
It was good to see Mitsu and Todd FINALLY catch up again - a bit anticlimactic and unnatural at first but sometimes that's how life really goes. I would have imagined them being a little more excited to see each other at first but Todd and Mitsu have been through alot since seeing each other last. I deducted some points just because there were a number of very noticeable punctuation errors, where you are missing commas and hyphens. Like I've said before, you still want to have a native English speaker look at your stuff before posting because you would greatly benefit from putting in some more natural phrasing.
3rd
Beakman's World
Blood On Fire Wolverine Claw
154/154
This had a great build up. My god, though, novella dialogues. Novella dialogues, everywhere. To your favor, though, you can break things up better than most, even with long-running thoughts and speech, giving it accent and keeping the reader (me) from losing interest. The content was great and really moved around and past the standard training collab. For all purposes, the training was a side-effect from this fiercely emotional hashing. As said before, the build up was great and the climax was, creatively, worth it, especially because it was the end.
pROBably masturbating, right now
Senka Shuffle
92/93
My point-knocking comes from a similar place as Hiren's - there are parts to this that felt unnatural (which we've already discussed). Almost like it feels unnatural for me to grade you on a collab we've written together, but that's a different sidebar. Nana has shown a sort of vulnerability here - taking a chance on actually giving a damn about someone....for some reason. Whatever it may be, Igasho would be indebted. Whatever the reason is, I think others keeping up with Nana would like to know where she's coming from and will want to see one day. The less-than-natural responses popped up on occasion and left me unsure of what was really being conveyed or asked...it didn't help that I had visibly lacking direction with certain turns too. Anywho. You're fired. You can pick up your things on Monday.
Guest
Katiedid
Weight of Command
76/76
I wish I could give you some legit commenting for this collab but I'm afraid I'm coming up short because...well, it was really simple. I can tell you that the insight to Adelaide's thoughts on her division and her taishuu are well written and a reflection of your talent as a writer. I think it's clear, though, Vince just wanted to collab and have a chit-chat and you are sweet for indulging.
The House that Pierce Built
77/77
D'aww. Poor Addie. I was going to ask what depression she had been fighting with but you answered my question a few lines later. I actually love this dichotomy - the grande illusion of success, empty with sad, loneliness. The waterfalls, the garden, simple thoughts of kidouing through the rooms for the sake of convenience - all these things were simple layers of distraction, really keeping Adelaide from having to stare at the nothingness that haunts her. I think, beautifully, this is almost the same description of post-partum depression...ironically.
PS. Legit offer. Igasho can make babies.
Somebody To Lean On
88/88
The chemistry between Adele and Adelaide is as palpable as any two peoples' that cross between professional and personal. Opening up to her on a more personal level puts into play the thoughts that readers already know about and let them make changes, in game, that could have real results. Great writing, as usual pretty lady katie!
For my grader:
http://www.mangaden.net/forum/showthread.php?38006-3rd-12th-Week-290-Senka-Shuffle
