GM Review Thread

[Beaks]

Been directed to put these here.

Misc Name: Exotic Shunpou
Prerequisite: 500 Kan, access to Shunpou
Description: As individual Shinigami or Vizards tap into their own speed-based techniques sometimes a more personal touch on the ability. A Shinigami or Vizard who possesses this perk can add one (and only one) effect that triggers each time they enter or exit Shunpou. Whether this manifests as a burst of feathers, a small clap of thunder or the fleeing of spiders, this effect is purely cosmetic in nature and adds no potency to the technique.

Misc Perk Name: Signature Kidou
Prerequisites: 1,000 Reiatsu, 500 Kan
Description: As Shinigami and Vizards begin to tap into and explore their own powers, sometimes unique and unexpected results emerge. A character with this perk is capable of casting a Kidou spell utterly unique and singular to themselves alone, and not available to any other Shinigami or Vizard. The specifics of this spell are dependent on the RP'er that claims it, but must be submitted for approval by Kidou staff before it is capable of being used, and must be an original submission and cannot work off of any other spell in either the Hakuda tree or the Bakudou tree. Abilities similar to Kindou cannot be submitted.

Owners of the perk can submit a spell equal in power up to 50% of their total Kidou at time of submission, but cannot exceed 5,000 Kidou.

 

[swaswj]

Been directed to put these here.

Misc Name: Exotic Shunpou
Prerequisite: 500 Kan, access to Shunpou
Description: As individual Shinigami or Vizards tap into their own speed-based techniques sometimes a more personal touch on the ability. A Shinigami or Vizard who possesses this perk can add one (and only one) effect that triggers each time they enter or exit Shunpou. Whether this manifests as a burst of feathers, a small clap of thunder or the fleeing of spiders, this effect is purely cosmetic in nature and adds no potency to the technique.

Misc Perk Name: Signature Kidou
Prerequisites: 1,000 Reiatsu, 500 Kan
Description: As Shinigami and Vizards begin to tap into and explore their own powers, sometimes unique and unexpected results emerge. A character with this perk is capable of casting a Kidou spell utterly unique and singular to themselves alone, and not available to any other Shinigami or Vizard. The specifics of this spell are dependent on the RP'er that claims it, but must be submitted for approval by Kidou staff before it is capable of being used, and must be an original submission and cannot work off of any other spell in either the Hakuda tree or the Bakudou tree. Abilities similar to Kindou cannot be submitted.

Owners of the perk can submit a spell equal in power up to 50% of their total Kidou at time of submission, but cannot exceed 5,000 Kidou.

Exotic Shunpo we can probably add. Not sure on an ETA, but approved.

Signature Kidou... well, the name is already used for 1st Div's main tech, but also, with 198 Hadou/Bakudou and an assortment of other schools, I don't think everyone needs to be able to add their own personal spell. Denied.

 

[Wayne]

This unique feat was submitted way back, and since it seemed 's are now treated pretty strongly, this one kinda felt underwhelming for one. Also, aesthetic name change because why not.

[1] [Moonslasher] – Unique

Sometimes, the most ideal way to break someone’s morale is to turn their own offensive against them. Kyuketsu can choose a specific energy-based attack from his opponent and block it using the suitable zanjutsu techs he has in his arsenal. If the parry is successful, 25% of that attack’s power is stored within his zanpakutou and kept in storage. The swordsman can keep doing this up to four more times until enough of the enemy power is collected inside his weapon. Once the ‘reservoir’ is full, Kyuketsu is then able to fire a cutting wave with an accuracy directly proportional to his zanjutsu stat towards a target. Traveling at a flat distance of 50 feet, the slash deals the amount of damage stored inside the Duelist’s blade depleting the energy in the reservoir, allowing it to be refilled once more.


Might I suggest making 25% into 50%?

 

[swaswj]

This unique feat was submitted way back, and since it seemed 's are now treated pretty strongly, this one kinda felt underwhelming for one. Also, aesthetic name change because why not.

[1] [Moonslasher] – Unique

Sometimes, the most ideal way to break someone’s morale is to turn their own offensive against them. Kyuketsu can choose a specific energy-based attack from his opponent and block it using the suitable zanjutsu techs he has in his arsenal. If the parry is successful, 25% of that attack’s power is stored within his zanpakutou and kept in storage. The swordsman can keep doing this up to four more times until enough of the enemy power is collected inside his weapon. Once the ‘reservoir’ is full, Kyuketsu is then able to fire a cutting wave with an accuracy directly proportional to his zanjutsu stat towards a target. Traveling at a flat distance of 50 feet, the slash deals the amount of damage stored inside the Duelist’s blade depleting the energy in the reservoir, allowing it to be refilled once more.


Might I suggest making 25% into 50%?

25% is plenty strong for something that is entirely free.

 

[Time Lady Katie]

I've been meaning to buy a resub for this, but it seems silly even by my standards to pay kan to nerf one of my abilities.

Shikai/Bankai full write-up.

Shikai: Lashiel

LASHIEL'S SHIKAI ABILITIES
Hellfire
A purely Hadou-enhancing ability, Hellfire allows the casting of Hadou at an additional 1.5 times Reiatsu and Kidou cost for a corresponding 50% boost in spellcasting area, power and/or duration. If used with the chromatic fire Hadou or actual Fire-based Hadou, the cost is two times and enhancement is increased to a full 100% power boost. In addition, Hellfire adds a cosmetic effect: the area both around Lashiel and around the target smell strongly of sulfur.

Fallen Allure
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Those with a Reiatsu more than twice Adelaide’s who are afflicted find it hard to hurt her too badly: they cannot use Kidou or abilities against Adelaide with a higher cost than one-third Adelaide’s Reiatsu. Those with a Reiatsu similar to Adelaide’s have an even harder time, being unable to attack Adelaide consecutively. Lastly, those less than half Adelaide’s strength are so overcome with desire that they are stunned each time they attack Adelaide. Adelaide can, through sheer force of will, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.

Requesting a change in the Fallen Allure ability of the Shikai.

Fallen Allure CURRENT
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Those with a Reiatsu more than twice Adelaide’s who are afflicted find it hard to hurt her too badly: they cannot use Kidou or abilities against Adelaide with a higher cost than one-third Adelaide’s Reiatsu. Those with a Reiatsu similar to Adelaide’s have an even harder time, being unable to attack Adelaide consecutively. Lastly, those less than half Adelaide’s strength are so overcome with desire that they are stunned each time they attack Adelaide. Adelaide can, through sheer force of will, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.

Fallen Allure PROPOSED
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Adelaide can, if she so chooses, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.


REASON FOR CHANGE:
I was young and dumb.
First, given that in any NPC fight I likely don't know the enemy's reiatsu and that makes the ability unenforceable. Secondly, it actually limits the kind of reaction the enemy can have to the ability; instead reducing it to an effect not supported by mechanics allows the enemy an ability to RP more freely in response to the ability. Third, I haven't enforce the mechanical limitations for like a year. I always gray out the removed section when displaying the ability to collaborators in combat. Fourth, while the sliding scale was a cute idea for a silly newbie, it really overextends the ability - it's three effects for the price of one.
I understand that this theoretically weakens my Shikai considerably since removing the mechanics basically allows the enemy to ignore the effect, but that brings me to number five; several RPers have already claimed immunity to the effect anyway based on extreme emotional traits. If the ability is going to be toothless, it's kind of silly to make it look like something useful when it's mostly an RP enhancement effect and not really a defensive ability as it was initially intended.
Besides, I'm kinda paranoid that you guys are going to take Hellfire away, so reducing the Shikai to effectively single actual combat ability might insulate Hellfire from your wrath? Please? I'm kinda worthless without it.

 

[Beaks]

Real fucking adorable.

 

[swaswj]

After gaining a new understanding of Kidou and what goes into their makeup I'd like to submit this change to the Trained Feat: Kidou Zero


Currently:

Feat Name: Kidou Zero
Feat Type: Trained
Requirements: 10,000 Reiatsu
Feat Description: While many Shinigami excel close-quarters combat, few can diminish the importance of being able to strike quickly and decisively at range. In essence, Kidou Zero is a technique designed to force the Shinigami's physical force and pressure into a more arcane format. By paying 150% of the desired spell's cost the Shinigami forces their Reiatsu to adapt into the necessary energies involved with the casting of Kidou, summoning the aforementioned spell on a target within 10 meters of their location. The spell used by this feat must be decided upon equipping it, and cannot be changed without re-learning the feat. This feat does not allow the user to bind a Kindou spell to it.

What I would propose adding (Because otherwise this feat is very, very, worthless):

Make the speed, damage, and any other effect that would normally be determined by the user's Kidou Stat be determined by the Reiatsu spent to cast the individual's Kidou Zero spell. It would stand to reason that if someone was taking the time to learn a bypass for a particularly powerful spell that it would be a monumental waste if it was still tethered to their Kidou stat to begin with.

You are banned from the GM Review thread, dude. You're in here more often than you post chapters..

Denied. You have a feat that lets you use one of the top tier kidou spells without any serious investment in the stat. That's the equivalent of someone just creating a feat that lets them do Cicada or Ei Wo Toru or Cast Iron Con without any investment in the relevant stat. Deal with the fact that someone who actually put points in the kidou stat is going to cast a kidou spell better than you.

 

[lilmangoseed]

I've been meaning to buy a resub for this, but it seems silly even by my standards to pay kan to nerf one of my abilities.

Shikai/Bankai full write-up.

Shikai: Lashiel

LASHIEL'S SHIKAI ABILITIES
Hellfire
A purely Hadou-enhancing ability, Hellfire allows the casting of Hadou at an additional 1.5 times Reiatsu and Kidou cost for a corresponding 50% boost in spellcasting area, power and/or duration. If used with the chromatic fire Hadou or actual Fire-based Hadou, the cost is two times and enhancement is increased to a full 100% power boost. In addition, Hellfire adds a cosmetic effect: the area both around Lashiel and around the target smell strongly of sulfur.

Fallen Allure
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Those with a Reiatsu more than twice Adelaide’s who are afflicted find it hard to hurt her too badly: they cannot use Kidou or abilities against Adelaide with a higher cost than one-third Adelaide’s Reiatsu. Those with a Reiatsu similar to Adelaide’s have an even harder time, being unable to attack Adelaide consecutively. Lastly, those less than half Adelaide’s strength are so overcome with desire that they are stunned each time they attack Adelaide. Adelaide can, through sheer force of will, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.

Requesting a change in the Fallen Allure ability of the Shikai.

Fallen Allure CURRENT
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Those with a Reiatsu more than twice Adelaide’s who are afflicted find it hard to hurt her too badly: they cannot use Kidou or abilities against Adelaide with a higher cost than one-third Adelaide’s Reiatsu. Those with a Reiatsu similar to Adelaide’s have an even harder time, being unable to attack Adelaide consecutively. Lastly, those less than half Adelaide’s strength are so overcome with desire that they are stunned each time they attack Adelaide. Adelaide can, through sheer force of will, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.

Fallen Allure PROPOSED
Lashiel can inflict a group of enemies with what any good seducer would: lust. At the initial cost of 10% Adelaide’s Reiatsu she can inflict any single target within five meters with a powerful... we’ll call it infatuation. The effect varies in strength based on the relative power of her adversary. Adelaide can, if she so chooses, extend this effect for up to five turns. At any time, a person may pay Reiatsu equal to Adelaide’s investment to rid themselves of this affliction.


REASON FOR CHANGE:
I was young and dumb.
First, given that in any NPC fight I likely don't know the enemy's reiatsu and that makes the ability unenforceable. Secondly, it actually limits the kind of reaction the enemy can have to the ability; instead reducing it to an effect not supported by mechanics allows the enemy an ability to RP more freely in response to the ability. Third, I haven't enforce the mechanical limitations for like a year. I always gray out the removed section when displaying the ability to collaborators in combat. Fourth, while the sliding scale was a cute idea for a silly newbie, it really overextends the ability - it's three effects for the price of one.
I understand that this theoretically weakens my Shikai considerably since removing the mechanics basically allows the enemy to ignore the effect, but that brings me to number five; several RPers have already claimed immunity to the effect anyway based on extreme emotional traits. If the ability is going to be toothless, it's kind of silly to make it look like something useful when it's mostly an RP enhancement effect and not really a defensive ability as it was initially intended.
Besides, I'm kinda paranoid that you guys are going to take Hellfire away, so reducing the Shikai to effectively single actual combat ability might insulate Hellfire from your wrath? Please? I'm kinda worthless without it.

This... says a lot that makes about where it came from. Our... wrath..?

In any case, while the reasoning seems rather faulty to me, I do like the change because it's clearer to understand. Less math, as long as it's equally sensible and effective, is always a good idea.

Approved.

 

[Eidolon]

I'd like to switch to Kite as my primary PC. I've written a ton with the ol' boy, and would like permission to take up his old stats. Considering I've had PC's 3x as strong, it doesn't feel like a leap to me, and considering that I've written enough to likely have these stats on him, it again doesn't feel like a stretch. But, since he was originally a NPC, I can't just auto-do this.

His old stats were:

rei 25,200
Com 10,000
Agil 200
Res 15,000

 

[swaswj]

I'd like to switch to Kite as my primary PC. I've written a ton with the ol' boy, and would like permission to take up his old stats. Considering I've had PC's 3x as strong, it doesn't feel like a leap to me, and considering that I've written enough to likely have these stats on him, it again doesn't feel like a stretch. But, since he was originally a NPC, I can't just auto-do this.

His old stats were:

rei 25,200
Com 10,000
Agil 200
Res 15,000

Not sure if you posted this before or after I talked with Lil about it, but here's what I told her:

If you're switching to Kite as PC, you have to follow bleed bonus rules. Start at 100, gain 10% of your total PC stats per week that you write.

If I were to switch to Kyuto as my PC, I would have to follow bleed bonus rules -- and she's been at 28k for like 2 years of me writing her.

Now, there's two ways you can approach it. You can approach it as flashback material, or possibly have something temporarily wipe out his power and have to wait for it to recharge.

Or the third way, which seems to be how most people do it: just don't get into fights for the first couple weeks and ignore the strength question.

If you're planning to participate in the next round of PMs, what we can do is allow you to use your listed stats there during the round, but just be aware that in your general writing, Bleed Bonus is in play.

 

[K3]

GM Reviewing Picca Lilli's Bankai, Spy IMINT.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

and

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

The range is anything within the scanner.

Reason for Review: "The Scanner" contains a 5km range, which rivals that of Reiatsu Noukan. Adding this range to "The Danmaku" allows Picca to launch an attack anywhere within 5km. This is not only beyond Bankai level, but beyond any other attack I've seen in the RP thus far.

Proposed Change: Either decrease the range on "The Scanner" or give "The Danmaku" a separate range.

 

[swaswj]

GM Reviewing Picca Lilli's Bankai, Spy IMINT.



and



Reason for Review: "The Scanner" contains a 5km range, which rivals that of Reiatsu Noukan. Adding this range to "The Danmaku" allows Picca to launch an attack anywhere within 5km. This is not only beyond Bankai level, but beyond any other attack I've seen in the RP thus far.

Proposed Change: Either decrease the range on "The Scanner" or give "The Danmaku" a separate range.

Post the full details on the original, please.

Edit: Since it seems to have been missed... the "you're banned from GM Review" bit was a joke. I figured the 'dude' might be enough of a clue.

In all seriousness, stop posting here so much.

 

[K3]

GM Reviewing Picca Lilli's Bankai, Spy IMINT.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

and

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

The range is anything within the scanner.

Reason for Review: "The Scanner" contains a 5km range, which rivals that of Reiatsu Noukan. Adding this range to "The Danmaku" allows Picca to launch an attack anywhere within 5km. This is not only beyond Bankai level, but beyond any other attack I've seen in the RP thus far.

Proposed Change: Either decrease the range on "The Scanner" or give "The Danmaku" a separate range.

Full Kai

Shikai
Spy IMINT (I Mean It, No Touching)

Form
IMINT takes the form of a silver head visor. Two backward tilting wings decorate the side of the visor and a single red dot shifts along the view pane. 3 cameras are automatically created for no cost upon releasing.

Wearing the visor is needed to access every ability and attack.

Attack: The Surveyor
By paying 2% reiatsu, a floating camera is created at the visor with movement speed based on the visor wearer’s kidou. Only one camera can be created per turn.

The visor is used to control the cameras as well as receive visual and audio information from them. The video and sound are stored on board the visor and can be replayed later. The cameras have built in thermal, night and reiatsu vision.

The maximum the camera can go is 10 km from the visor and a maximum of 6 cameras can exist at one time. The cameras are small spheres about the size of a soccer ball with wings.

Ability: The Fete
The camera can act as a projector, speakers or flashlights and can show sound or images stored on the visor.

Attack: The Manipulator
3 cameras arranged in a triangle formation are able to focus/defocus and reorient any kidou sent out by the visor wearer. Such as massive area kidous being focused down to deal all damage to one single point or a small kidou being defocused to affect a larger area. The kidou can also be redirected with complete 180 degree changes being possible.

It costs half the attack cost per manipulation though a reorientation and focus/defocus counts as one manipulation if done at the same time.


Bankai
IMINT Ver. 4.01

Form
The bankai has the form of a giant satellite that hovers up in space.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

Attack: The Charger
Every turn, the Satellite will automatically charge 5% reiatsu. Additionally, Picca can charge the Satellite with her own reiatsu as well, up to 5% per turn. The charge maxes out at 100%.

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

The range is anything within the scanner.

 

[Eidolon]

Van:

[200/223]It's Like Going Home:
I'm trying to remain objective about this collab.

Ignoring some of the behind-the-scenes shenanigans that were going on, it doesn't really detract that almost two thirds of what you have here is filler. Little to nothing in these turns does anything - it doesn't advance the plot, doesn't introduce any challenges for the players, doesn't even set the atmosphere or give hint that anything is happening at all. You spent six rounds doing nothing but making small talk with some random druggie and describing a shark.

When you resort to making players fight a shark - something is wrong. Maybe it's on the players' end, maybe it's on yours. The only way to solve that is through communication. As it stands, for how little the majority of your turns provided, they were grammatically correct. For the amount of which was filler, however, I'm taking points off.

[131/141]Hoodlum:
Kite's one cold motherfucker, ain't he?

Still, there's something a bit...off here. Something about the way the chapters flow, and if I had to put my finger on it - I'd say that things are very cut-and-dry with them. Now that synergizes well with Kite's very dry disposition, but it doesn't really make for an entertaining or compelling read.

In the first chapter, there's something of a rambling tone to it all. Details go on and on, without any real purpose or end to serve. I was hoping this would get shaken up with the fight - and we'd see the writing shift into this high-intensity position. Instead, things kind of hovered around that same, consistently spaced tone. Without any real investment into the fight, the details didn't really draw any interest, and after I went back and reread it the details come off as forced, contrived. These little asides about the purpose of certain movements or assaults would be awesome if there were any emphasis to the actions themselves, but you kind of glaze over them before swinging right into a long aside about why it happened.

In the second chapter, it's even more of a drawl. Long paragraphs of dialogue without anything breaking it up to give the reader an idea of what's going on is, frankly, boring. It might help to drive home the utter listlessness of what the characters are doing, or the dull atmosphere of the school environment, but it doesn't serve the reader any. Instead of feeling compelled to continue reading, I feel like I'm being forced to wade through a textbook.

Actions define a character, and I haven't really seen anything from Kite that comes off as distinctive or outstanding in his persona. Try and find situations where you can focus on the core aspects of his persona, and then spread that section out a bit. Make it more enticing for the reader, and don't try to rush the details out.

GM reviewing this grading post.

The reviewer admits objectivity is difficult, and uses the review as a means to voice whatever personal opinions they have, a soap box if you would, about the author. Further, they are grading a collaboration they themselves wrote in. Additionally, the deductions and grading rubric seem inconsistent across the board, from person to person. Some lose 3% of a grade for similarly attributed points of discussion, yet here we see 10% and 9%. Lastly, after posting these as stand alone chapters in different threads, this grader said it is mandatory to have them in a singular thread, then made negative comments/deducted points for having two stand alone stories in the same thread.

This is aside from the fact I disagree with a lot of what this reviewer says.

 

[swaswj]

GM reviewing this grading post.

The reviewer admits objectivity is difficult, and uses the review as a means to voice whatever personal opinions they have, a soap box if you would, about the author. Further, they are grading a collaboration they themselves wrote in. Additionally, the deductions and grading rubric seem inconsistent across the board, from person to person. Some lose 3% of a grade for similarly attributed points of discussion, yet here we see 10% and 9%. Lastly, after posting these as stand alone chapters in different threads, this grader said it is mandatory to have them in a singular thread, then made negative comments/deducted points for having two stand alone stories in the same thread.

This is aside from the fact I disagree with a lot of what this reviewer says.

The GM Review thread is not for disputing grades. You can discuss the situation with a GM if you have grading concerns, but this isn't the place to do it. Some points:

• Grading, by its nature is subjective. We are a group with a variety of styles and tastes, and that applies to graders as well. We're all here to become better writers as well as have fun, and part of becoming a better writer is welcoming the different perspectives that people may have.
• I encourage graders to grade collabs they participated in, because they should be able to separate themselves from the other writers.
• I don't know that points were deducted for the chapters being in different threads. The commentary seems to indicate that points were taken off for the lack of variation in tone. Raph did not tear your writing apart, but gave specific examples and even some suggestion on what to work on.

Now, all that being said: Due to the situation surrounding the PM thread, I will personally provide grading and commentary for all participants. I consider my position to be objective.

 

[swaswj]

GM Reviewing Picca Lilli's Bankai, Spy IMINT.



and



Reason for Review: "The Scanner" contains a 5km range, which rivals that of Reiatsu Noukan. Adding this range to "The Danmaku" allows Picca to launch an attack anywhere within 5km. This is not only beyond Bankai level, but beyond any other attack I've seen in the RP thus far.

Proposed Change: Either decrease the range on "The Scanner" or give "The Danmaku" a separate range.

Full Kai

Shikai
Spy IMINT (I Mean It, No Touching)

Form
IMINT takes the form of a silver head visor. Two backward tilting wings decorate the side of the visor and a single red dot shifts along the view pane. 3 cameras are automatically created for no cost upon releasing.

Wearing the visor is needed to access every ability and attack.

Attack: The Surveyor
By paying 2% reiatsu, a floating camera is created at the visor with movement speed based on the visor wearer’s kidou. Only one camera can be created per turn.

The visor is used to control the cameras as well as receive visual and audio information from them. The video and sound are stored on board the visor and can be replayed later. The cameras have built in thermal, night and reiatsu vision.

The maximum the camera can go is 10 km from the visor and a maximum of 6 cameras can exist at one time. The cameras are small spheres about the size of a soccer ball with wings.

Ability: The Fete
The camera can act as a projector, speakers or flashlights and can show sound or images stored on the visor.

Attack: The Manipulator
3 cameras arranged in a triangle formation are able to focus/defocus and reorient any kidou sent out by the visor wearer. Such as massive area kidous being focused down to deal all damage to one single point or a small kidou being defocused to affect a larger area. The kidou can also be redirected with complete 180 degree changes being possible.

It costs half the attack cost per manipulation though a reorientation and focus/defocus counts as one manipulation if done at the same time.


Bankai
IMINT Ver. 4.01

Form
The bankai has the form of a giant satellite that hovers up in space.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

Attack: The Charger
Every turn, the Satellite will automatically charge 5% reiatsu. Additionally, Picca can charge the Satellite with her own reiatsu as well, up to 5% per turn. The charge maxes out at 100%.

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

The range is anything within the scanner.

For some reason, I thought this was already done. Time for a little test, too.

IMINT Original

Shikai
Spy IMINT (I Mean It, No Touching)

Form
IMINT takes the form of a silver head visor. Two backward tilting wings decorate the side of the visor and a single red dot shifts along the view pane. 3 cameras are automatically created for no cost upon releasing.

Wearing the visor is needed to access every ability and attack.

Attack: The Surveyor
By paying 2% reiatsu, a floating camera is created at the visor with movement speed based on the visor wearer’s kidou. Only one camera can be created per turn.

The visor is used to control the cameras as well as receive visual and audio information from them. The video and sound are stored on board the visor and can be replayed later. The cameras have built in thermal, night and reiatsu vision.

The maximum the camera can go is 10 km from the visor and a maximum of 6 cameras can exist at one time. The cameras are small spheres about the size of a soccer ball with wings.

Ability: The Fete
The camera can act as a projector, speakers or flashlights and can show sound or images stored on the visor.

Attack: The Manipulator
3 cameras arranged in a triangle formation are able to focus/defocus and reorient any kidou sent out by the visor wearer. Such as massive area kidous being focused down to deal all damage to one single point or a small kidou being defocused to affect a larger area. The kidou can also be redirected with complete 180 degree changes being possible.

It costs half the attack cost per manipulation though a reorientation and focus/defocus counts as one manipulation if done at the same time.IMINT Revised

Shikai
Spy IMINT (I Mean It, No Touching)

Form
IMINT takes the form of a silver head visor. Two backward tilting wings decorate the side of the visor and a single red dot shifts along the view pane. 3 cameras are automatically created for no cost upon releasing.

Wearing the visor is needed to access every ability and attack.

Attack: The Surveyor
By paying 2% reiatsu, a floating camera is created at the visor with movement speed based on the visor wearer’s kidou. Only one camera can be created per turn.

The visor is used to control the cameras as well as receive visual and audio information from them. The video and sound are stored on board the visor and can be replayed later. The cameras have built in thermal, night and reiatsu vision.

The maximum the camera can go is 10 km from the visor and a maximum of 6 cameras can exist at one time. The cameras are small spheres about the size of a soccer ball with wings.

Ability: The Fete
The camera can act as a projector, speakers or flashlights and can show sound or images stored on the visor.

Attack: The Manipulator
3 cameras arranged in a triangle formation are able to focus/defocus and reorient any kidou sent out by the visor wearer. Such as massive area kidous being focused down to deal all damage to one single point or a small kidou being defocused to affect a larger area. The kidou can also be redirected with complete 180 degree changes being possible.

It costs half the attack cost per manipulation though a reorientation and focus/defocus counts as one manipulation if done at the same time.

There are no changes, I'm just playing with the tabs.

IMINT ver. 4.01 Original

IMINT Ver. 4.01

Form
The bankai has the form of a giant satellite that hovers up in space.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

Attack: The Charger
Every turn, the Satellite will automatically charge 5% reiatsu. Additionally, Picca can charge the Satellite with her own reiatsu as well, up to 5% per turn. The charge maxes out at 100%.

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

The range is anything within the scanner.IMINT ver. 4.01 Revised

IMINT Ver. 4.01

Form
The bankai has the form of a giant satellite that hovers up in space.

Ability: The Scanner
The scanners of the satellite allow Picca to see anything she wants to within 5 km of herself. This will even pierce through walls and solid ground and can be augmented with night vision, thermal vision or reiatsu vision.

Attack: The Charger
Every turn, the Satellite will automatically charge 5% reiatsu. The charge maxes out at 50%.

Attack: The Danmaku
Unleashes a hail of small lasers from space. Each individual laser shot is valued at 100 reiatsu and the shots can be continuously fired as long as there is charge. It is not necessary to use the entire charge at once. The accuracy is based on Kidou but firing a lot of them is generally going to to less accurate.

Picca may invisibly paint a target within 30m of herself. Picca may then spend 10% reiatsu to begin orbital bombardment on the painted target, adding any or all of the charged reiatsu to the bombardment.

 

[Eidolon]

Being a new AH, I was going over the div techs there, and noticed this one on Cerb. It seems a close cut/paste of the old 8th div tech, that was quite strong even back in the olden days of yore.

It seems all together a bit strong for a div tech, in that it can shut down not only all feat slots (including unique/gm/epic) and racial techs, but also any kai ability including BK/FA. On top of that it gives meta-knowledge of the used power to the PC. So they get free understanding of how something works and can lock it, all in one dive tech.

I suggest swapping out the kai part for div techs. Even then, its an incredibly strong div tech.

Seigainin -

Even with their main focus on evolution, there are certain actions that the human body physically cannot recreate. In order to level the playing field, Cerberus agents are trained in the identification and neutralization of such threats. When an opponent activates a feat, kai ability or racial technique, the Cerberus Agent can lock onto the ability used. They enter a state of hyper-analysis and are able to pick apart how the ability works.

By paying 5% of their reiatsu and contacting the opponent, the user can seal the opponent’s ability to use the technique for three turns. This seal must occur during the turn of analysis or the following. Sealed abilities remain unusable for 3 turns. Only one ability can be sealed at a time. They can only analyze one ability at a time and cannot analyze an ability when another is sealed.
​

 

[swaswj]

Being a new AH, I was going over the div techs there, and noticed this one on Cerb. It seems a close cut/paste of the old 8th div tech, that was quite strong even back in the olden days of yore.

It seems all together a bit strong for a div tech, in that it can shut down not only all feat slots (including unique/gm/epic) and racial techs, but also any kai ability including BK/FA. On top of that it gives meta-knowledge of the used power to the PC. So they get free understanding of how something works and can lock it, all in one dive tech.

I suggest swapping out the kai part for div techs. Even then, its an incredibly strong div tech.

Seigainin -

Even with their main focus on evolution, there are certain actions that the human body physically cannot recreate. In order to level the playing field, Cerberus agents are trained in the identification and neutralization of such threats. When an opponent activates a feat, kai ability or racial technique, the Cerberus Agent can lock onto the ability used. They enter a state of hyper-analysis and are able to pick apart how the ability works.

By paying 5% of their reiatsu and contacting the opponent, the user can seal the opponent’s ability to use the technique for three turns. This seal must occur during the turn of analysis or the following. Sealed abilities remain unusable for 3 turns. Only one ability can be sealed at a time. They can only analyze one ability at a time and cannot analyze an ability when another is sealed.
​

I am not against the sealing concept, but I do think that sealing it after seeing it used once could be adjusted.

The main benefit of this ability, in practice, is its analysis -- and such analysis is pretty in-depth to get for free. To use Seigainin, it now costs per activation. If they are able to analyze the same ability at least three times, then they can seal it at a smaller additional cost. I'm not restricting it from kais or unique feats.

Approved as below:

Seigainin -

Even with their main focus on evolution, there are certain actions that the human body physically cannot recreate. In order to level the playing field, Cerberus agents are trained in the identification and neutralization of such threats. When an opponent activates a feat, kai ability or racial technique, the Cerberus Agent can lock onto the ability used. By paying 1% reiatsu per use, they enter a state of hyper-analysis and are able to pick apart how the ability works.

If the agent is able to analyze the same ability at least three times in the same encounter, by contacting the opponent and spending an additional 2% reiatsu, the user can seal the opponent’s ability to use the technique for three turns. This seal must occur during the third or later analysis. Sealed abilities remain unusable for 3 turns. Only one ability can be sealed at a time, and the same ability may only be sealed one time. They can only analyze one ability at a time.

 

[Eidolon]

Posting Kite's IA/TA here, because I think I'm supposed to.
Awakening – Undead

Kite was born into death, and as such, his body is capable of pushing far beyond the limitations of a normal human, and perhaps due to the unique blend of spiritual and human faculties, even shinigami.


There is no initial appearance change as the awakening manifests. As Kite’s resonance increases, however, a flickering white aura begins to envelope his form. This aura escalates as his resonance escalates, until it becomes a full burning envelopment at 50% resonance.

Undead –

Kite’s base power reflects the fact that one cannot kill that which is already dead. It is a simple, yet potent enhancement to the True Grit base tech.


The base reduction is enhanced by 7%. Like True Grit, this is not a barrier, but a passive reduction in the effectiveness of attacks.

Unyeilding – 200 per turn


The complementary aspect of meaningless expressions of violence against that which is already in death’s grasp, Kite’s ability is both a bane and boon. It prohibits the use of Empathy, at any time. However, his body builds continual resistance to damage. Each round, one degree of injury prevention is built up when Unyeilding is used. If Kite’s body would be injured, he may elect to decease from this pool to mitigate or eliminate the damage that would be done.


25% Resonance – Poltergeist - 100 reiatsu


At 25% Resonance, Kite’s connection with the dead has reached the point he can use their phantom presence to extend his violent will. He may create a single ‘force’ which may carry his combat related abilities and feats along with it, effecting targets up to 15 meters away.



True Awakening - The Walking Dead


When activating his full power, Kite’s form changes drastically, his body becoming translucent to light and sight. With a bright aura of white flames surrounding his form, and a keen blue glow overtaking his normal eyes, his humanity seems to slip away, replaced by the dreadful specter of wrath.

Kite’s awakening at this state is a powerful augment to his current abilities.

Death’s Cold Grip - 1% per turn


Upon reaching the pinnacle of his power, Kite’s flesh becomes less meaningful. Not only is he able to act and carry out his form’s will despite having tremendous injury, but each turn he degenerates the severity of wounds by one degree.

Poltergeist - 100 reiatsu


With Kite’s essence truly unveiled, his ability to manipulate the essence beyond the mortal takes a much greater force. Not only does the force now affect anything in visual range, but it is capable of sustained effort, such as grappling or holding up objects that are within his strength to manipulate, rather than violent pushes.

Undead –


With a body that is no longer of this world, things rooted in reality have great difficulty in affecting his form. His True Grit now receives a total of a +18% augmentation of his Fortitude in its effectiveness.

Unyeilding – 400, or X

Kite’s ability to tap into the defying nature of the unnatural is unlocked as his True Awakening is made manifest. As such, he is able to vastly improve his body’s ability to mitigate oncoming effects. He may either build two degrees of mitigation per turn, or spend the cost of an ability that is ‘physical’ to remove whatever affliction it may cause(this would remove a bakudou that physically restrains, but would not remove something like Prometheus’ madness). He may not do both in the same turn.



100% Resonance – Transcendance


At full resonance, Kite’s body fully transcends the world his is bound to, shedding any and all current damage, removing all afflictions and ailments in an instant of rebirth as the undead.

 

[swaswj]

Posting Kite's IA/TA here, because I think I'm supposed to.
Awakening – Undead

Kite was born into death, and as such, his body is capable of pushing far beyond the limitations of a normal human, and perhaps due to the unique blend of spiritual and human faculties, even shinigami.


There is no initial appearance change as the awakening manifests. As Kite’s resonance increases, however, a flickering white aura begins to envelope his form. This aura escalates as his resonance escalates, until it becomes a full burning envelopment at 50% resonance.

Undead –

Kite’s base power reflects the fact that one cannot kill that which is already dead. It is a simple, yet potent enhancement to the True Grit base tech.


The base reduction is enhanced by 7%. Like True Grit, this is not a barrier, but a passive reduction in the effectiveness of attacks.

Unyeilding – 200 per turn


The complementary aspect of meaningless expressions of violence against that which is already in death’s grasp, Kite’s ability is both a bane and boon. It prohibits the use of Empathy, at any time. However, his body builds continual resistance to damage. Each round, one degree of injury prevention is built up when Unyeilding is used. If Kite’s body would be injured, he may elect to decease from this pool to mitigate or eliminate the damage that would be done.


25% Resonance – Poltergeist - 100 reiatsu


At 25% Resonance, Kite’s connection with the dead has reached the point he can use their phantom presence to extend his violent will. He may create a single ‘force’ which may carry his combat related abilities and feats along with it, effecting targets up to 15 meters away.



True Awakening - The Walking Dead


When activating his full power, Kite’s form changes drastically, his body becoming translucent to light and sight. With a bright aura of white flames surrounding his form, and a keen blue glow overtaking his normal eyes, his humanity seems to slip away, replaced by the dreadful specter of wrath.

Kite’s awakening at this state is a powerful augment to his current abilities.

Death’s Cold Grip - 1% per turn


Upon reaching the pinnacle of his power, Kite’s flesh becomes less meaningful. Not only is he able to act and carry out his form’s will despite having tremendous injury, but each turn he degenerates the severity of wounds by one degree.

Poltergeist - 100 reiatsu


With Kite’s essence truly unveiled, his ability to manipulate the essence beyond the mortal takes a much greater force. Not only does the force now affect anything in visual range, but it is capable of sustained effort, such as grappling or holding up objects that are within his strength to manipulate, rather than violent pushes.

Undead –


With a body that is no longer of this world, things rooted in reality have great difficulty in affecting his form. His True Grit now receives a total of a +18% augmentation of his Fortitude in its effectiveness.
Unyeilding – 400, or X

Kite’s ability to tap into the defying nature of the unnatural is unlocked as his True Awakening is made manifest. As such, he is able to vastly improve his body’s ability to mitigate oncoming effects. He may either build two degrees of mitigation per turn, or spend the cost of an ability that is ‘physical’ to remove whatever affliction it may cause(this would remove a bakudou that physically restrains, but would not remove something like Prometheus’ madness). He may not do both in the same turn.



100% Resonance – Transcendance


At full resonance, Kite’s body fully transcends the world his is bound to, shedding any and all current damage, removing all afflictions and ailments in an instant of rebirth as the undead.

Your formatting hurts me, Van.

So, from the top: Base techs are not there to say "that's a base so therefore my ability must be twice as strong!" There's a kidou that costs 20,000 reiatsu, but that doesn't mean my bankai has to exceed or even meet that. Base techs are there to give you some options and some concrete benefits for the stat you choose.

5% of your Fortitude, at no cost, no penalty, is a pretty significant chunk. It's something that you yourself complained was too much to give permanently, for free.

Why are you asking me to give your IA +7% (12% base, 15% OD), and TA +18% (23% base, 26% OD), still at no cost or penalty?

Arano has a feat that's relevant to this:

[永] Senzai - "Perpetuity"

Arano’s very existence appears to defy all conventional odds. After staring down death time and time again, even rising to meet its cold embrace, he yet emerges alive. The scars of his trials have hardened his endurance and refined it to new levels. More than that, his inhuman capacity to take punishment exudes an intimidating aura. Even as his body weakens, his fighting spirit and survival instinct seem to grow ever stronger.

Ambient spiritual pressure does not decrease - regardless of how much damage Arano has taken or how much reiatsu has been spent, others will sense him at the strongest they perceived him, indefinitely. When Arano releases his Initial Awakening, his True Grit hardens by an additional 3% of his Fortitude stat. Upon entering True Awakening or at 75% Resonance, True Grit is reinforced by 4% more of his Fortitude. Both increases persist until the end of battle.
​

This is a Unique Feat that gives +3% in IA and +4% in TA, for a total boost of +7% (12% base, 15% OD) during True Awakening, after hitting 75% Resonance.

In your own estimation, a Unique Feat and a TA ability should be comparable to one another -- we can debate over which one is officially 'stronger' but they're in the same realm of power. Using this as a base-line, look over these numbers again. I'm putting my suggestions in the write-up below.

Unyielding, once I wrapped my head around it, actually seems pretty intriguing. It's an interesting approach. However, mechanically, it needs some work. Prohibiting the use of an ability is not a way to haggle on certain things: there needs to be a cap, even if that cap is four uses (which would block an otherwise lethal attack) at a time. Some rewriting may also make this easier for people to understand.

Poltergeist is a very versatile and open-ended ability to put a tiny cost of 100 reiatsu on. This needs to specify more succinctly what it impacts, and depending on what it impacts, may need to have a percentile cost. As currently written, something like this will mean any feat you submit has to be re-reviewed to consider its use with the range here.

On to the TA.

Death's Cold Grip... having the ability to heal wounds (after specifically taking away your regular healing tech) is one thing, but healing every wound by one degree every round for a constant 1% cost is not going to work, particularly not in conjunction with your Unyielding abilities.

Speaking of Unyielding, you're doubling its very tiny cost, doubling its effect... and adding a seemingly unrelated effect with an example that doesn't even begin to match. If you're modeling this part after the Hakuda techs, the Constitution techs remove things like poison, not bindings. The original Unyielding needs work and this version is not passable at all.

The TA version of Poltergeist is obscenely better than anything in the RP there is to compare it to, both in terms of cost and in terms of limits. There is nothing more to say here: No.

Overdrives do inherently have some strength, but not enough to justify a Divine Restoration at no additional cost.

Van, you've bene a staff member for a long time. You're experienced at it. Looking at what you've submitted here, and how little effort you've put into it, I can't help but feel like you're insulting me. If you submit something on this level again, I will deny it -- no commentary, no discussion. I'm busy, you're busy, and neither one of us has time to waste on submitting or reviewing abilities both of us know are unacceptable.



Undead - Initial Awakening

Kite was born into death, and as such, his body is capable of pushing far beyond the limitations of a normal human, and perhaps due to the unique blend of spiritual and human faculties, even shinigami.


There is no initial appearance change as the awakening manifests. As Kite’s resonance increases, however, a flickering white aura begins to envelope his form. This aura escalates as his resonance escalates, until it becomes a full burning envelopment at 50% resonance.

Undead – 0% Resonance

Kite’s base power reflects the fact that one cannot kill that which is already dead. It is a simple, yet potent enhancement to the True Grit base tech.

The base reduction is enhanced by 3%. Like True Grit, this is not a barrier, but a passive reduction in the effectiveness of attacks.

Unyielding – 0% Resonance

The complementary aspect of meaningless expressions of violence against that which is already in death’s grasp, Kite’s ability is both a bane and boon. It prohibits the use of Empathy, at any time. However, his body builds continual resistance to damage. Each round, one degree of injury prevention is built up when Unyielding is used. If Kite’s body would be injured, he may elect to decease from this pool to mitigate or eliminate the damage that would be done.

This ability costs 200 reiatsu per round.


Poltergeist - 25% Resonance

At 25% Resonance, Kite’s connection with the dead has reached the point he can use their phantom presence to extend his violent will. He may create a single ‘force’ which may carry his combat related abilities and feats along with it, effecting targets up to 15 meters away.

This ability costs 100 reiatsu.
​

The Walking Dead - True Awakening

When activating his full power, Kite’s form changes drastically, his body becoming translucent to light and sight. With a bright aura of white flames surrounding his form, and a keen blue glow overtaking his normal eyes, his humanity seems to slip away, replaced by the dreadful specter of wrath.

Kite’s awakening at this state is a powerful augment to his current abilities.

Death’s Cold Grip - 50% Resonance

Upon reaching the pinnacle of his power, Kite’s flesh becomes less meaningful. Not only is he able to act and carry out his form’s will despite having tremendous injury, but each turn he degenerates the severity of wounds by one degree.

This ability costs 1% reiatsu per round.

Greater Poltergeist - 50% Resonance

With Kite’s essence truly unveiled, his ability to manipulate the essence beyond the mortal takes a much greater force. Not only does the force now affect anything in visual range, but it is capable of sustained effort, such as grappling or holding up objects that are within his strength to manipulate, rather than violent pushes.

This ability costs 100 reiatsu.

Greater Undead – 50% Resonance

With a body that is no longer of this world, things rooted in reality have great difficulty in affecting his form. His True Grit now receives a total of a +7% augmentation of his Fortitude in its effectiveness.
Greater Unyeilding – 50% Resonance

Kite’s ability to tap into the defying nature of the unnatural is unlocked as his True Awakening is made manifest. As such, he is able to vastly improve his body’s ability to mitigate oncoming effects. He may either build two degrees of mitigation per turn, or spend the cost of an ability that is ‘physical’ to remove whatever affliction it may cause (this would remove a bakudou that physically restrains, but would not remove something like Prometheus’ madness). He may not do both in the same turn.

This ability costs 400 reiatsu or the amount of an ability removed.

Overdrive: Transcendence - 100% Resonance

At full resonance, Kite’s body fully transcends the world his is bound to, shedding any and all current damage, removing all afflictions and ailments in an instant of rebirth as the undead.
​