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  1. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 454: Death of A Learned Man - Feedback

    Very sad to see Craxtus go. He's been with us basically from the start. The somber imagery and the ways each character carries their grief (or their anger) really helps draw out emotion. The question of who and how teases at new intrigue and while they may not be immediately connected, I wonder...
  2. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 438: Meeting The Metal Man - Feedback

    What I mentioned about Aeria's speaking style becomes a little more apparent when Aeria and Laermont are side by side. I really liked how Lea and Laermont both got deeply interested in each other, two enigmas trying to crack their own mysteries through the lens of the other. I will note that...
  3. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 402: Terminus Tour Guide - Feedback

    I hate to be so brief when it's been so long before giving feedback, but there's not a lot to say. I enjoyed this, and Inks, you do a great job playing the two sides of Lea's trauma, the internal and the external. The way he frets over the halberd is particularly well-played, and especially the...
  4. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 453: Awakening 1 - Feedback

    I like the way this both covers the time gap and invites change by bringing in the new quaestor prime. I like Lucullus' character so far, as well. I'm not so sure about that title, though. I would recommend introducing a new rank title instead. In our normal police forces, you would have a...
  5. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 445: Gathering Shadows - Feedback

    I won't keep harping on the name of the organization, but one thing I am beginning to feel more and more with the organization is that lack of nuance. It's difficult to picture how this particular group can see themselves as righteous, and that makes their delusional behavior hard to understand...
  6. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 427: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Final Part - Feedback

    I like that this is labeled the final part, marks a good spot to sit and collect thoughts on the arc. I mentioned briefly that I like the way this story is highlighting the merits of conventional investigation, while still working in drama when things go outside the scope of the norm. The...
  7. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 417: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part III - Feedback

    Seeing Laermont's vulnerability was a satisfying addition to his character, and seeing Yttrius' interactions with his co-conspirators raises some intrigue. I wasn't expecting Yttrius to suddenly die, since it felt like you were building toward something bigger for him. Sorry these thoughts are...
  8. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 408: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part II - Feedback

    Again mostly going to echo Fin's thoughts. I do want to make a note here that I want to talk about Solaviskar, but I'm going to save those thoughts for the final part. It's nice to see that thorough investigation pays off, though, bringing the team close to finding their culprit without feeling...
  9. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 406: Digging For Death - A Quaestor Laermont Investigation - Part I - Feedback

    I will mostly echo Fin's thoughts here. One small stylistic thing I might recommend: instead of telling the readers the name in the opening moments, you could have held that reveal until later when Laermont is on the scene. It feels a little out of place to introduce her as if she'll be a main...
  10. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 394: A Bargain - Feedback

    Lots of talking in this one. Always be careful to avoid too much talking without at least describing things happening on the side -- and make sure things are happening. While you did keep up with expressions and simple gestures, I would have liked to see a little more going on in the background...
  11. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 386: Second Strike - Feedback

    Loving the vibe that is set at the beginning of the chapter. The battle, though brief, felt snappy and intense. After that, I'm caught off-guard by how completely the assassin's demeanor changes. In the previous chapter and the beginning of this one, the assassin is calm, calculating, and...
  12. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 384: The First Move Is Made - Feedback

    I have a big batch of comments coming up. Some of them will be short, but I wanted to get caught up on everything. Only ... 16 months late on this one. I'm noticing a lot more imagery and colorful language, but there's still a lot of gray. That fits for a more noir vibe, and noir would...
  13. swaswj

    Cartography Submissions

    Cartography Submissions A part of writing is creating settings and with our new world map in place, there's also a path for adding locations to that map. In order to get a location added to the map, there are a few things you'll need: Name: The name, and if appropriate, an associated epithet...
  14. swaswj

    Brand New Map!

    Think back to the year 2014, when Colin, Alan, Arun, and I began working on the concept that would become Post Terminus. Since we were going to set it in a fantasy world, after all the years of RPing on Earth in Halcyon Days, one of the things I set out to do was create a world map, one that was...
  15. swaswj

    Patch 3.2.0 Notes: A Long Time Coming

    Patch 3.2.0 Notes: A Long Time Coming The long-promised timeskip is finally happening. I'd like to lead off by apologizing for how this kept getting delayed. I can give you all dozens of excuses, but I'll sum it up with this: I got overwhelmed by life and change and did a poor job of managing...
  16. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 432: DREAMS OF THE WORLD WEARY - ACT I, CHAPTER II: The Beginning - Feedback

    I was confused for a few moments before remembering that you had shown me a preview before. Much of this chapter does a great job of presenting Annora's state of mind, the confusion and betrayal, as she wrestles with the destiny she never wanted that came at a cost she never would have chosen...
  17. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 391: DREAMS OF THE WORLD WEARY - ACT I, CHAPTER I: The End - Feedback

    I harp on atmosphere a lot in my reviews (speaking generally, not specifically of your work), and right away, this chapter shows off why it's so powerful. This seems to fit rather well with the talk of hyperphantasia, as well. Before we ever see Annora, we experience what she's experiencing...
  18. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 382: Into Shadow (3) - Feedback

    Confirmation that this is a diary, but I don't quite think it's written like a diary, and stand by the first/third comments on the earlier entries. The part Lurius plays here seems to create a hole in the plot. Established earlier on, he has a mechanical device that functions as an effective...
  19. swaswj

    Reviewed Week 379: Into Shadow (2) - Feedback

    A lot of my comments on part 1 still hold true. Something I neglected to mention before is that I'm glad to see Valmoor turning up in story. I always approve of seeing new or underutilized areas being fleshed out, no pun intended. This still has the framework of a third-party story. Curiously...
  20. swaswj

    Reviewed [Collab] Week 378: Colloquium - Feedback

    Right away, I would like to say that the description of the Impraevitas building is masterfully crafted. It presents the perfect image for the organization, prim, proper, forgettable. The way the first floor is given to a nice presentation while the upper floors are pure business and the...
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